Introspection of a Plural Wife (at Heart)

Canadian Reference Case Ruling Draws Sharp Criticism

2011-11-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

The ruling came down on the Canadian Reference case. You can read the 300+ page opinion here: Reference re: Section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada, 2011 BCSC 1588

Interestingly, there have been several articles, editorials and opinion pieces published that are critical of the Opinion. I'm going to post those links here because I agree with the opinions expressed.

Here they are:

The Province - Kate Heartfield - Canada Doesn't Need A Law Banning Polygamy
Macleans - Emmett Macfarlane A Confused Judicial Treatise on Polygamy
National Post - Jesse Kline on Polygamy - State Shouldn't Interfere in Consenting Adult Relationships
The Globe and Mail - Tabatha Southey - We have as Many Double Standards on Polygamy as Solomon had Wives
Times Colonist - Polygamy Not the Real Crime, Abuse Is
Cape Breton Post - Polygamy Ruling Shaky
The Star - Polygamy Ruling Should Trouble Feminists
Jonathan Turley Blog - Canadian Court Upholds Polygamy Law
Free Thoughts Blog - Canadian Judge Mucks Up Hearing
Care 2 Cause - Does the Criminalization of Polygamy Protect Women and Children?

Follow Me on Twitter

2011-10-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time to blog, sadly. As much as I love blogging, I am working full time and taking college classes, so for the most part, my writing is limited to assignments.

However, I do tweet regularly, since it is quick and easy to post links and short topics. I post a broad range of polygamy related links, from 'Sister Wives' and the Darger family's 'Love Times Three' to FLDS news from any news sources I can find. In addition to polygamy news, I post relationship links, domestic violence awareness links and news, and other interesting things that catch my interest.

If those things pique your interest, follow me: Lurides68

Sister Wives - Marital Ups and Downs

2011-10-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

This is a thoughtful analysis from Yahoo Contributor Isa-Lee Wolf of why Christine Brown is currently struggling in her marriage to Kody, following the family's move to Las Vegas: "Sister Wives": Polygamy Hurts Christine, but not the Way that You Think

I think she's dead-on right and recognizes that Christine entered this family with a desire to be a strong central force bonding everyone together, and she has been that, and now finds that role shifting as the family moves into separate homes and away from their comfortable, happy life in Utah (pre-law enforcement threats).

iSad: Steve Jobs: Inspiring Comments

2011-10-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

As I type this blog entry on my MacBook, and peruse my emails on my iphone and listen to my favorite songs on my itunes, I cannot help but be saddened by the loss of Steve Jobs (1955-2011). I took notice of Steve Jobs' outside-of-the box thinking years ago when he commented appreciatively on the creativity and non-comformity of homeschooling families. Having home-schooled my own children on and off over the years at great expense and dedication of my time and energy, I appreciated his public support.

Here are some great comments from a man who touched many lives, and came into our homes with his technological genius. Was he a perfect man? No. This post is not intended to idealize him, but to recognize him as a person of talent, excellence, and visionary qualities that inspired technological advancements we have all enjoyed. I ask you, seriously, how many of you did not like Pixar's Toy Story? I don't know about you, but I much prefer a Mac over a PC, and the ipad has been on my wish-list for the last couple of years.

Here is Steve Jobs in his own words:

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do." Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

"I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life."
- Stanford University commencement address, June 12, 2005

"It's better to be a pirate than to join the Navy."
- Odyssey: Pepsi to Apple

"I'm the only person I know that's lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It's very character-building."
- Apple Confidential 2.0

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." Stanford Commencement Address (speaking about his cancer diagnosis in 2003)

Here is an guest commentary at CNet that shows how astute Steve Jobs was: What I Learned from Steve Jobs, by Guy Kawasaki

Farwell Steve Jobs, and God Bless

iSad

Barking Up The Wrong Tree: A really cool blog by Wired Magazine columnist Eric Barker

2011-10-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

This guy is amazing. He finds all kinds of statistics and research about a wide variety of things and posts them on his blog, twitter and facebook. You can receive email updates or visit his column at Wired Magazine as well. He is my favorite re-tweet.

His website is called "Barking up the Wrong Tree" and I've added it to my Faves in my blog roll.

Here are some sample posts:

Do Good Motivations Increase Physical Endurance? Do Bad Motivations Increase it Even More?

How to Make Yourself Happier in just a few Seconds

How Important is Physical Attractiveness to a Happy Marriage?

What You Should Look for in a Marriage Partner

And lots and lots of information about sex:

Things You didn't Know about Sex

The wealth of facts he posts are just plain fun. Let me know what you think!

An Interesting Polygamy Blog: Polygrrl

2011-10-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered an interesting blog by a woman involved in a polygamous family. It's called Polygrrl. I've added it to my Faves in the blog roll.

In particular, I appreciate her discussion of Kody Brown, the husband and father on the TLC program "Sister Wives". Husband to Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, he has 16 (going on 17) children, and is constantly vilified in the blog world. During the first season, he was often dismissed as a "surfer dude", and occasionally referred to as shallow with rock star hair. As the show has progressed, he is still dismissed, but often characterized as egocentric and selfish. I agree with Polygrrl that Kody has many good qualities that people seem to completely ignore from episode to episode, choosing instead to focus instead on something he said and either misrepresenting what he said, or exaggerating it out of proportion. Read Polygrrl's post, "Why Vilify Kody Brown?", then check out the rest of her blog.

Polygrrl shares her own story, has a section dedicated to Sister Wives, Big Love, Jealousy and other related topics. I'd like to see her review of Love Times Three and comment on the Dargers. :o)

O'Reilly Interviews the Darger family about the book 'Love Times Three'

2011-10-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Fox News promoted this interview as a polygamous family looking for the right to marry, and Bill O'Reilly introduced the segment by claiming that polygamists were seeking marriage rights as a result of increased acceptance of gay marriage across the country.

However, the Dargers clearly stated several times that they are seeking decriminalization for their family arrangement, not multiple marriage licenses.

O'Reilly discussed the Dargers' book, Love Times Three, and showed pictures and footage of the family with smiling, happy children interacting with loving parents.

Here's the segment:

'Sister Wives' Beats 'The Good Wife' in Season Opener Viewership

2011-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Who'd have thought the Brown family's reality show 'Sister Wives' would womp on the excellent Julianna Margulies legal drama 'The Good Wife' with 2.8 million viewers?

According to the Hollywood Reporter, "Against a competitive night on broadcast and cable with a slew of premieres and launches, Sister Wives drew TLC's best ratings in almost two years in the women 25-54 (2.4) and women 18-49 (2.4) demos. Among the younger female 18-34 demo, Sister Wives -- revolving around the Brown family -- drew a 2.3 rating, outperforming CBS' 'The Good Wife' (2.3 vs. 1.6) in the category.

TLC is touting Sunday as the network's best performance in primetime in a little more than one year."

TV Blend had this to say: "Women are flocking to the series in droves it seems, and although I would guess most of them are not looking to add another wife to their household, they’re certainly curious enough about it."

Interesting. I seem to remember that 'Big Love' likewise had a large female viewership.

Congratulations to the Browns on the strong start to their 3rd season. :o)

(But please don't drive my favorite legal drama off the air!)

Love Times Three on Dr. Phil

2011-09-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wow, a lot of polygamy related news over the last few weeks, with the release of the new book 'Love Times Three' from Harper Collins skyrocketing to best seller status, and the return of TLC's 'Sister Wives' on Sunday evenings.

First, I read the book. I love the book. I love the family. The book is very well written, genuine and touching. It is honest and open about day to day challenges as well as their decision to build a life together. On Dr. Phil, Valerie said that when she joined the family, she married the women as well as Joe. She married the family. The relationships work because they work on the relationships; they care about each other to work through the issues that surface as any family strives to do. They also emphasized trust as an important factor for each of them. The women trust each other and they trust Joe. They trust that they will respect each other, so they can come to each other when there is a problem.

I was also fascinated by Vicki's response to Dr. Phil's question that if anything were to happen to the other women, and hypothetically Joe and one wife were left alone, could they survive as a monogamous unit, and Vicki said that first it would be devastating to lose the other two women, but yes, the relationship would be strong as a monogamous one. Here is a link to Dr. Phil about the show with the Dargers and 'Love Times Three', and here is a link to a back stage, "uncensored" discussion between the Dargers and Dr. Phil and his wife. Here is a link to the comments generated by the show.

Dr. Phil said the book was "very well written" and strongly endorsed reading it. He distributed copies to his audience.

You can check out the Love Times Three website, and follow the Darger family on twitter and facebook.

'Love Times Three' - New book about Polygamous Family

2011-09-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

Harper Collins publishing has just released a new book about a polygamous family: The Dargers. Check out more information here: 'Love Times Three' at Harper Collins

GREAT review from Kirkus! "Eye opening and courageous." Read more here.

Love Times Three website with a cool trailer.

Darger family Facebook page, with lots of photos and additional family stories.

Follow the Darger family on twitter.

Buy Love Times Three at Amazon.

And here are some articles about the book. I will add to this list as more surface:

Salt Lake Tribune: Books: Utah Family Opens the Door of their Polygamous Family (9/26/11)

Salt Lake Tribune: Opening the Doors of a Plural Household: Interview with the Dargers (9/26/11)

Beliefnet: Life in a Polygamous Marriage (September 2011)

Book signing at King's English bookstore: Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage (on 9/22/11)

Fox 13 News: Real "Big Love" Family Steps out of the Shadows (9/21/11)

Salt Lake Tribune: Plural Marriage, Page by Page (9/21/11)

Winnepeg Free Press: Polygamous Family Steps out the Closet (9/17/11)

Good Morning America: 'Love Times Three': Inside the World of a Polygamous Marriage (9/13/11)

WNYC Brian Lehrer Show: Polygamous Marriage, Love Times Three (9/13/11)

ABC News: Love Times Three': Inside the World of a Polygamous Marriage (9/13/11)

New York Post: My Three Wives (9/10/11)

"The Tourist" - Movie Review

2011-08-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Unwatchable dud, notwithstanding actors I love: Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

Huge disappointment. My husband and I could barely stay awake to the end it was so dull.

The Tourist - 1 star for Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp

Knight and Day - Movie Review

2011-08-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

LOVED this movie. It is hilarious. The lines are clever; the story is fast paced and action packed. I absolutely enjoyed this movie from beginning to end. There is a scene where June is walking with her captors through a flower garden and one after another, each captor is yanked up and away from behind her. I don't think I even noticed when the first person disappeared, then the next one swung away, and I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe.

Imdb has this synopsis: story of a girl who gets mixed up with a spy trying to clear his name.

Director: James Mangold
Writer: Patrick O'Neill
Stars: Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz and Peter Sarsgaard

Knight and Day - 5 stars out of 5

"Source Code": Movie Review

2011-08-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

I loved "Source Code". It was a fantastic movie.

Here's a short synopsis: An action thriller centered on a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man and discovers he's part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train.

Director: Duncan Jones
Writer: Ben Ripley
Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan and Vera Farmiga

You can see more at imdb. This movie is so much better than the description. :o)

For me, this is a 5 star movie. The acting is fantastic. The story line is intelligent, gripping and satisfying. I love sci fi with plots that I need to think about and characters that are engaging and for whom we care.

"Source Code": 5 Stars out of 5

Criticism, Condemnation and the Jeffs Verdict

2011-08-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am a cautious person by nature. I don't like making quick decisions with minimal information. I will if I have to, when I have to, but I prefer to do my homework, study things out, put together research, make comparisons, and weigh in at the appropriate time and in an appropriate manner. I am not an impulse shopper, unless it's a candy bar when I'm starving. :o(

If I am cautious, even too cautious, in withholding condemnation of someone accused of wrongdoing, it is because of this: I know that sometimes we well-meaning human beings are wrong. I know that we can make mistakes. We hear things that may have a seed of truth, and then that truth gets exaggerated and then that truth is buried in such a blend of truth and falsehood that it is difficult to sift out what is fact from what is fiction. I am wary of judging based on hearsay. There are people who have spent years in prison, even spent time on death row, who were ultimately cleared and vindicated because "better" evidence came along, whether it be information that surfaced later, a witness who didn't come forward soon enough, or DNA matching technology that erased all doubt as to who the guilty party in a crime really is. I want convincing evidence before I am willing to condemn.

Also, I would like to point out that while I have challenged ideas in the broader polygamy discussion, and argued against fierce criticism, I have not attacked anyone personally. I have not been a harsh "critic" of polygamy's critics. I can be a harsh critic of abusive conduct, and of hyperbole, and of lying, when that conduct, that hyperbole, or that lying is designed, intentionally, to harm others. I couldn’t care less if someone "lies" out of compassion ("No, you don't look fat in those jeans", or "well, maybe it’s just the pants are not that flattering a style, it's not you!"). But there are those who manipulate, lie, deceive, cheat, steal, etc., to get gain, to win favor, to influence or to gain power over other people. They may take other people's money, their wives, their children, and their possessions, or even defame their good name. Defamation can cause loss of jobs, loss of clients, loss of friends, and cause many repercussions that go with that.

When I cross paths with someone who is a destructive person, intentionally or unintentionally, I give that person a wide berth. I do not need, nor want, to invite that into my life, thank you very much. If a destructive person turns that destruction into my path, and targets it at my family or friends, I will fight back. I am not going to stand for it. I promise you. I will use every means legally available to me to protect myself and my family from a person who seeks to wreak havoc and bring harm.

There are those who think nothing of lying, exaggerating, stereotyping, and misrepresenting information to create a false impression, smearing an entire class of people because of the conduct of certain individuals, and that is wrong. It hurts people. It hurts families. It hurts children. My policy is, "First do no harm." I help where I can help. I may be slow to condemn, but I act fast once I KNOW the truth for a fact.

I know from working in the world of domestic violence that domestic violence is real. I have sat in the room with a domestic violence victim whose eye socket was shattered and bleeding while she cried and explained to me that she couldn't leave her husband because she couldn't afford to pay her mortgage payment and would lose her home. I also know that the most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is the time she decides to leave her abuser. At my job, I collect news reports and help edit the DV Related Deaths Report. A good number of those deaths are murder/suicides (female is murdered, male kills himself), and most of them, year after year, follow a break-up or a filing for divorce.

I mention this because I want you to know that I know, I understand, that it must be the victim's decision to act, because only that victim truly knows the danger, the risk, the consequence, of her (or his, as the case may be) action.

Likewise, how much harder is it for those of us working to help DV victims get the resources they need, when police officers or victim advocates show up at a DV call and must deal with a person who is not a DV victim at all, but someone trying to manipulate the system, someone who knows that crying "DV" and getting a P.O. may be a route to tipping the scales in a custody battle, or even a way to bring some misery into the life of a former partner through an act of spite.

Such people undermine legitimate cases of domestic violence. They do a disservice to victims who risk their lives to make that one phone call, or that courageous gesture to leave with their lives and the lives of their children on the line.

So I make judgments with caution. I believe victims when they tell me their stories. I refer them and offer them resources, and I let them make their decisions on their own behalf, so that they can feel what it means to be in control of their own destiny. I don't push, and I don't "save". Ultimately, we can't do anything anyway until a victim is ready to act for him or herself.

I want to help; I do not want to harm.

We all leave a footprint in this life, and that footprint grows and grows after we are gone. I don't want my footprint to be a destructive one.

I was a fairly happy-go-lucky child. My mom said I was born talking and cut my teeth arguing with her. :o) I was very blessed to have loving, nurturing and freedom-loving parents who encouraged us kids to be whatever we wanted to be, to dream big and live our dreams.

At the same time, I struggled with strabismus from the time I was born. I had glasses as a toddler and for years afterward, until eye surgery repaired the muscle and allowed for a cosmetic solution to my "four eyes" appearance. I was teased a lot in those early years. I even ran over my glasses with my tricycle, and destroyed them in other creative ways on several occasions because they were a misery to me. It didn't matter that they helped me SEE. They caused me horrible pain and suffering. They caused me rejection. Of course that was a financial blow to my parents who did their best to provide everything we needed, with my dad at times working three jobs and going to school, and my mom home with several little kids.

When I was 8 or 9 years old, I had my surgery and didn't have to wear glasses anymore. Still, when I read a lot (which I loved to do), or wrote a lot (which I loved to do), or didn't sleep enough (who wanted to sleep with so many cool things to do?), my eye would turn in. Throughout my middle school and high school years, I avoided making eye contact with people for fear someone would notice. Sometimes someone did notice and asked me if I was looking at them or somewhere else. It always left me embarrassed and in greater fear of other people seeing my weird eyes. I suffered a variety of types of bullying during those years. I had been raised to turn the other cheek and follow the Golden Rule. I didn't believe it was right to "be mean". How do you defend yourself against bullies and people who are picking on you if you restrain yourself from several routes of self-defense? Fighting wasn't allowed, fighting back with words was just as bad if those words were cutting or cruel. I did learn that I was skilled at verbal sparring. I became adept at verbal slams and could flip a verbal attack back on the attacker in such a way that it became unpleasant for people to go after me that way. Still, it grieved me, and I felt shame, that it wasn't really the way Jesus would want me to be, so that, after a time, I repented of it and decided to find a different way to deal with challenging people.

When I was 16 years old, I was riding a motorcycle with my brother, and some neighbor kids who were goofing around in the street decided it would be fun to link arms and block us. My brother swerved and we fell on the pavement. After we brushed ourselves off, my brother walked the bike to the house but I stayed and chewed them out for causing us to fall. We could have been seriously injured and I felt protective of my brother who was younger than me. The neighbor kids swarmed around me and laughed and prodded and put their arms around me and acted like they were being friendly, but it was shallow and fake and I knew it, but what I didn't know was that it was just a distraction so that one of the boys could put his arm over my shoulder, reach down and grab my breast. I was shocked and appalled, slapped his hand away and ran into the house in tears.

My mother had been folding laundry in the living room and saw it happen through the window. She called me into the room and told me she knew what had happened. I didn't want to talk about it. I was humiliated, and even more humiliated that my mother knew. She said we needed to confront him and tell his parents, but I just wanted it to go away. Ultimately, I went to my room and my parents went to the boy's house. With his parents in the room, my mom told them what she saw, and the boy denied it. His parents supported him, his father even saying to my mom that the fact that I had not come was proof enough for him that it didn't happen.

What was worse was that the boy's older brother was also there, with another neighbor boy who was a year older than me. He was the older brother of some of the girls who had been hanging in the street causing the problem in the first place. For the next several weeks at school, these older boys spread rumors about me at school, that I liked it when boys grabbed my breasts and other cruel things. I was the victim, but I was the one who was taunted by my classmates.

I said nothing. I did nothing. I didn't defend myself. I didn't counter anything that was said. I was silent.

After weeks of this, I was feeling intense despair about going to school. I wanted to home-school but my parents wouldn't let me. They wanted me to be strong, to stand up for myself, and they were afraid that if I left school, I would be running away and that would only serve to further injure my self esteem.

One day, while riding the school bus home, one of the older neighbor boys who had started all the teasing in the first place, began making insulting comments about me on the bus. I felt deflated, I looked down at my books and wanted to disappear, and wondered what I could do or what could finally make it stop. To my surprise, a popular boy who was always kind to me intervened. He delivered a sharp insult to the older boy, who was twice his size, but nowhere near as popular, and I watched as the mob of insults and teasing turned its attention away from me and onto the mean boy who had started it all. I couldn't have done it because I had deprived myself of permission to defend myself if that defense seemed mean or cruel in any way.

I know what it feels like to be a victim. I know what it feels like to be mean, to inflict pain, even if it has been intended for my own self-defense. I am not the kind of person to hurt someone else for my own gain or personal interest. But I have injured other people's feelings when I have tried to defend myself. I have hurt others’ feelings when I didn't mean to, or when I didn't know any other way to fight back. I don't consider that weak, but I do consider it outside my principles. I try to adhere to my own code of honor when it comes to dealing with people, but I do realize that when I am dealing with a destructive person, who does not have the same code of honor, who will lie, cheat, deceive and manipulate to cause harm, I have not always been successful in turning the other cheek, or in refraining from using my own power to put that person in a place where he or she cannot have power over me or wield that power to commit harm or evil or destruction upon my family. I am not going to apologize for that. I don't believe I should have to. I have the right to protect myself and to protect my family.

I'm not 16 anymore. I learned a lesson that day. I know how mobs work and how dangerous and malevolent they can be. And as a result, I am cautious. I make careful decisions. I don't rush to judgment. I don't give a lot of weight to rumors or gossip. I weigh out my actions and act decisively. Some of you may feel that that is too slow, but I have been a victim of mob derision and cruelty, and of lying destructive people at different times in my life, to know the ignorance that controlled and drove it.

Last week, Warren Jeffs was found guilty of child sexual assault. I have never made any secret about my utter disdain for sex abuse of children. The statement released shortly before the verdict by the Principle Rights Coalition sums up my feelings perfectly about child abuse. I have never heard of or seen anything so disgusting or sickening as the evidence released in this trial. I don’t know what it is that creates a sexual predator. Where do all of these sexual predators come from? There seems to be an endless stream of them: Philip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, and the bottomless pit of perverts caught on camera on shows like Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator”, people from all different backgrounds, communities and positions of trust.

Regrettably, I am afraid there is reason to take pause (as this Salt Lake Tribune editorial says) at the way the evidence was collected in the 2008 YFZ ranch raid. Evidence obtained in the Escalade when Jeffs was arrested may be safe, but how do we know that yet another higher court will not throw yet another Jeffs conviction out? How hard is it for the state to just do its job legally and honestly, and convict people in a way that provides justice to all involved? If a conviction is overturned on a technicality, is that justice for anyone? It certainly isn't justice for the victim, and it isn't accountability for the perpetrator, if the perpetrator is guilty. If the state bends the law to convict, how can we be confident that we have justly convicted a guilty party and not an innocent one? As I mentioned before, unfortunately there are those who have been wrongly convicted and suffered years of imprisonment before they are vindicated.

Also, I continue to be dismayed at the ongoing mess that has been made in connection with the UEP trust. I remain unconvinced that the state had the right to take the trust and reorganize what was religious into a secular document. I believe that was un-Constitutional. It has nothing to do with sex abuse. It has to do with abuse of power, and abuse of power is wrong whether it is committed by the hand of an individual, or by the long arm of the state.

Book Reviews: "Nineteen Minutes", "Perfect Match", by author Jodi Picoult -

2011-08-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered author Jodi Picoult, and I'm blown away. She is not only a talented writer, but an intuitive and brilliant story teller. She brings a genuine and deeply touching authenticity and human frailty to the characters in her novels. She is not afraid to give her characters serious flaws, even when they are the heroes of her stories, or allow her villains to have redeeming qualities, however irredeemable those characters may be.

I just finished Nineteen Minutes, about a school shooting that left 10 high-school students dead, many injured (some severely), and a community in pieces. It is not an easy read. It took me several weeks to finish it because it was so emotional for me, I had to put it down for days at a time before I could pick it back up. I was particularly surprised and impressed by her willingness to slide in and out of the different characters to share their perspectives and experiences, including the heartbreak of not only the victims and their families, but of the shooter and his family. This allowed the reader to see complex characters with complex lives, and the honest, sometimes brutal reality that there's no easy fix to some very big problems in our society, from bullying to racism to fanaticism to domestic violence to child abuse, etc. It would be so simple to say, this is what causes someone to go bad, to become a murderer, to become a serial killer or a rapist or a terrorist, but can we really predict?

I would give Ninteen Minutes 5 stars out of 5 for masterful story-telling, but ultimately I am giving it a 4 for the fact that it was just plain emotionally difficult! It is difficult to recommend because it is truly emotionally exhausting reading. It left me sad and drained. Still, I do recommend it. It was well done and insightful.

Nineteen Minutes - 4 stars out of 5

***

The other Picoult novel I read before this one was Perfect Match. Here is the synopsis from Jodi's website: "What happens when you do all the right things for all the wrong reasons? As an assistant district attorney in York County, Maine, Nina Frost prosecutes the sort of crimes that tear families apart. She helps clients navigate their way through a nightmare – even though the legal system is not always the faultless compass they want and need it to be. She learns that the easiest way to cross this devastating minefield time and time again is to offer compassion, battle fiercely for justice, and keep her emotional distance.

But when Nina and her husband Caleb discover that their five-year-old son Nathaniel has been sexually abused, that distance is impossible to maintain. The world Nina inhabits now seems different from the one she lived in yesterday; the lines between family and professional life are erased; and answers to questions she thought she knew are no longer easy to find. Overcome by anger and desperate for vengeance, Nina ignites a battle that may cause her to lose the very thing she's fighting for."

I certainly do not want to spoil the twists and surprises in this novel, but I do want to say that this story dramatically and poignantly reveals the horror of vengeance gone wrong.

Again, this was difficult subject matter for me, the sexual abuse of a young child by a person of trust.

Interestingly, I had started reading Nineteen Minutes first and put it down, then read Perfect Match. Perfect Match was so good I became determined to read Nineteen Minutes, plus the ending was satisfying as well. I can honestly say that it didn't leave me as sad as Nineteen Minutes. It just was not as hopeful and couldn't be. How do you ever make right a senseless and evil act of mass murder? How do you move forward and heal and start over and not have it be part of you for the rest of your life?

Perfect Match - 5 stars of 5

******

On top of the joy of discovering yet another author to love, I am delighted to see that Picoult has written a lot of books! I love favorite authors, and I love prolific favorite authors even more!

Principle Rights Coalition Statement Against Child Abuse (August 4)

2011-08-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

Principle Voices released a statement from the Principle Rights Coalition (a coalition of a number of Fundamentalist Mormon communities and independents) at 1:55 pm, August 4, 2011, denouncing child abuse (and child sexual abuse/assault).

The statement is available online at the Principle Voices website here, along with an additional statement from the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB).

What's Next after Marriage Equality, Polygamy? Yes

2011-07-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

I have consistently said that I believe Lawrence v. Texas protects the right to privacy of consenting adult polygamists against "cohabitational" bigamy. For those of you who are new to my blog, "cohabitational bigamy" is my reference to Utah's bigamy statute that defines bigamy as a married person who "cohabits with another person". If you cohabit with more than one partner and even though you are not legally married to both partners, you can be charged with bigamy in the state of Utah. That is a joke and is overreaching on the part of the state into the homes and bedrooms, of consenting adults. This right to privacy legal argument stems from Griswold v. Connecticut, which is a court decision that basically says that doctors cannot be required to provide birth control only to married women. In the case of consenting adults who desire to have more than one life partner in their family, and they are not seeking multiple marriage licenses or marital recognition from the state for those partners, the state has no business regulating their relationships.

The case by the 'Sister Wives' Brown family addresses this privacy element better than any I've seen so far.

Below find an the beginning of an interesting article by Dr. Jillian T. Weiss. Here are some excerpts, follow the link for the whole article. Dr. Weiss addresses one of the key legal elements of Lawrence v. Texas, whether or not the right to privacy of consenting adults can be curtailed by the state's interest to legislate morality.

After Marriage Equality, What's Next, Polygamy? Yes.
Filed By Dr. Jillian T. Weiss | July 12, 2011 12:00 PM
Category: Politics
Tags: Kody Brown, polygamy, Sister Wives, Utah

According to a New York Times article today, Kody Brown, star of the reality TV show "Sister Wives," is heading to court to challenge the Utah law against polygamy. He has four wives and 16 children and stepchildren.

According to the Times, "[l]aw enforcement officials in the Browns' home state, Utah, announced soon after the show began that the family was under investigation for violating the state law prohibiting polygamy." The Browns are expected to file suit tomorrow.

To be clear, the Times noted that "Mr. Brown has a civil marriage with only one of his wives; the rest are 'sister wives,' not formally wedded."

I think Mr. Brown has as much of a right to his relationships, as do his wives, as same-sex couples, or people who have multiple sex partners. Since when is it a crime to live together with your sex partners? Well, it is in Utah.

For the rest of this article, click here.

Principle Voices Statement re Brown Court Case

2011-07-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

Principle Voices released a statement in response to news of the 'Sister Wives' Kody Brown court filing. It can be found on the Principle Voices website, but here it is below:

Principle Voices Statement re Brown Court Case

July 12, 2011

Principle Voices is pleased to learn of Kody Brown’s decision to file a challenge to Utah’s bigamy statute.

We applaud the Browns’ for their courage in making their lifestyle public, and for standing up in behalf of the thousands of plural families who have endured disfavorable treatment. The Browns are consenting adults and have created a wonderful family. Sadly, they have already suffered harm as a result of their openness. They have faced the threat of felony prosecution. They have experienced the loss of jobs. We admire their willingness to seek the decriminalization of their family arrangement, despite the risk of greater scrutiny.

We are ready to offer them our full support. We are grateful to Professor Jonathan Turley for his commitment to the Brown family and to all those whose civil rights have been compromised. No Utahns should be relegated to second-class citizenship because of their private relationships. We anxiously await a ruling in this case which will confirm the right of all adult Americans to organize their families as they choose.

Anne Wilde, Mary Batchelor
PRINCIPLE VOICES
principlevoices.org
Principle Voices blog coming soon

Jonathan Turley's Comments re 'Sister Wife' Federal Court Filing

2011-07-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

Jonathan Turley will be filing a federal court challenge against Utah's polygamy ban Wednesday.

As a libertarian myself, Turley's position on polygamy among consenting adults resonates with me. As quoted in today's Deseret News:

"Turley, a constitutional law expert, said the legal action seeks to protect one of the nation's defining principles, what Justice Louis Brandeis called 'the right to be left alone.'

'In that sense, it is a challenge designed to benefit not just polygamists but all citizens who wish to live their lives according to their own values, even if those values run counter to those of the majority in the state,' he said."

He said that this case is not so much about polygamy, but the right to privacy. I agree. If multiple parties who are consenting adults choose to live together and create a family together, they should be left alone by the often too-intrusive arm of the state.

The point here is that the Browns are not asking for the right to legally marry multiple parties. They are simply asking to be permitted to love whom they will, cohabit with whom they wish, and arrange their family as they see fit according to their personal and religious values.

Check out Turley's blog for additional statements on the Browns.

'Sister Wives' Husband, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law

2011-07-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some excerpts of the New York Times article announcing that Kody Brown, the husband of TLC's 'Sister Wives' reality show, will be filing a federal lawsuit on Wednesday, July 13th, challenging Utah's law's prohibiting polygamy.

Polygamist, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law
By JOHN SCHWARTZ
Published: July 11, 2011

Kody Brown is a proud polygamist, and a relatively famous one. Now Mr. Brown, his four wives and 16 children and stepchildren are going to court to keep from being punished for it.

The family is the focus of a reality TV show, “Sister Wives,” that first appeared in 2010. Law enforcement officials in the Browns’ home state, Utah, announced soon after the show began that the family was under investigation for violating the state law prohibiting polygamy.

On Wednesday, the Browns are expected to file a lawsuit to challenge the polygamy law.

The lawsuit is not demanding that states recognize polygamous marriage. Instead, the lawsuit builds on a 2003 United States Supreme Court decision, Lawrence v. Texas, which struck down state sodomy laws as unconstitutional intrusions on the “intimate conduct” of consenting adults. It will ask the federal courts to tell states that they cannot punish polygamists for their own “intimate conduct” so long as they are not breaking other laws, like those regarding child abuse, incest or seeking multiple marriage licenses.

Mr. Brown has a civil marriage with only one of his wives; the rest are “sister wives,” not formally wedded. The Browns are members of the Apostolic United Brethren Church, a fundamentalist offshoot of the Mormon Church, which gave up polygamy around 1890 as Utah was seeking statehood.

Making polygamous unions illegal, they argue, violates the due process and equal protection clauses of the 14th Amendment, as well as the free exercise, establishment, free speech and freedom of association clauses of the First Amendment.

“We only wish to live our private lives according to our beliefs,” Mr. Brown said in a statement provided by his lead attorney, Jonathan Turley, who is a law professor at George Washington University.

A version of this article appeared in print on July 12, 2011, on page A10 of the New York edition with the headline: Polygamist, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law.

At War with My Diet

2011-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

I gave up soda pop last Monday on the 4th of July. I just decided that I'd had enough - I've had zero interest in my diet and exercise routine of late which means I haven't had much of a routine at all, and not much success when I was doing it, so I decided to make a shift.

I discovered Chris Powell by accident flipping channels about two weeks ago and was astonished by the way he helped a woman who was very overweight lose a lot of weight and change her life. He moved in with her for three months and worked with her on both her diet and her exercise routine and it was amazing. He has apparently done this with several people, but the most amazing story was the one detailed on his website, which apparently was his first extreme weight loss success. You can read about it here.

On his website, he has a short list of some quick things you can do to start on the course of weight loss. Obviously it is harder to lose weight the less weight you need to lose, but it is inspiring to see him coach people through their obstacles and bring them to a place where they can envision see success, and envision themselves at the finish line of achievement.

Not only that, he is very positive and uplifting. It was nice for me, and just what I needed, to read his positive affirmations. Even my 20 minutes a day is something more than what I was doing, and that is something in the right direction!

As a result of perusing his website and following him on twitter, I am now working out almost every day, even in the evening so long as I get the time in, and I dropped soda pop altogether from my diet. I have been a long-time fan of Coke, but switched to Diet Coke and ultimately to Coke Zero about two years ago. I LOVE it. It is absolutely one of my favorite things to have at my fingertips, at my desk when I'm working, or in the car when I'm driving, or on my nightstand when I'm relaxing.

Temporarily, I've switched to drinking water with crystal light lemonade in it. That has upped my water intake from about 20 ounces of water per day (shame!!) to about 70 ounces of water per day, a huge jump. I drink it all day long and there have been some interesting results already.

First, I was severely depressed and suffered headaches for three days solid. My mood was already really low when the Casey Anthony verdict came in and I just walked around with my eyes full of tears for a solid two days. The verdict hit me hard but I was already pretty depressed and probably some of it was chemical.

Now I don't crave it at all. I'm happy to grab my bottle of water and run, and have no guilt! Also, I'm getting my workout in, too, which is wonderful. I'm not weighing myself at all yet. I don't want to get all obsessive about the scale. The important thing to me is shifting my habits and thoughts to positive thinking and healthier activities and foods.

Of course, a few days ago my husband told me his concerns about aspartame. Obviously that was a concern with the diet soda in the first place (artificial sweeteners), but I said the Crystal Light is a temporary move to get me drinking water and letting go of soda pop.

I had an interesting experience Saturday night while visiting my parents. My six-year-old brought a rootbeer over to me to open and the first sight of it cause my stomach to lurch and a delighted feeling to rise up inside me. I was surprised at that response because I haven't even craved any soda since the third day. But as soon as I reminded myself that I wasn't drinking that anymore, the feeling left and I was fine. No craving, no desire, no sadness at saying no.

Of course, it wasn't a coke.

Anyhow, I've rearranged my links on the side of my site, and added Chris Powell's website to my list of Faves. I've dropped links that are dead and will be continuing to remodel my blog over the next week or so. I am shifting a lot of the polygamy stuff over to a new blog and recreating this one with a broader focus on things that interest me.

Jonathan Turley's Response to Casey Anthony Verdict

2011-07-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have immense respect for Jonathan Turley. So, since I have commented rather harshly on the Anthony acquittal, I think it only fair to post Turley's comments which support the jury's decision. I happen to agree with Turley in many ways and I understand the point he is making. I do not believe the jurors should be hated. They did what they were supposed to do. If they had doubts as to the evidence they were presented, they had a responsibility to acquit. I respect that. I don't agree with it; I think a guilty woman walked away free with that verdict and will not be held accountable, but it was not my decision to make.

And we definitely feel the same way about Nancy Grace - I shudder to think of her either as a prosecutor or as a jury member!!!

Sign Caylee's Petition

2011-07-07T20:22:00.001-07:00

Hey Friends,

I just signed the petition "Create Caylee's Law" and wanted to give you all a chance to add your names and help this cause.

Our goal is to reach 750,000 signatures and we need more support. You can read more and sign the petition here:

Create Caylee's Law Petition

Thanks!
Mary

Casey Anthony Juror #3: "We did not say Casey Anthony is Innocent."

2011-07-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

"I dreamed I was pregnant...it was like having Cays all over again. I've even thought about adopting...There are so many children that deserve to be loved." ~ Casey Anthony, excerpts from jail letters

Here's a question: What innocent person would make an accidental death LOOK like a murder? How is it that anyone believes that laughable claim???

Apparently Juror #3 is now saying, "I did not say Casey Anthony is innocent." She said "I just said there was not enough evidence...We were sick to our stomachs and crying after voting to acquit Casey Anthony."

Well, good, I hope they do feel sick, and I hope they did cry. I've been sick over the verdict, and yes, I've cried for that poor little child. It's deeply unsettling and horrific what happened to this little girl, and by the very person who should have protected and loved her. So now juror #3 says they felt sick and cried, except now we're hearing news of jurors negotiating media deals for appearances and interviews.

Equally disgusting is the defense team's gloating following the verdict, the arrogant jerk defense attorney who flipped off the media. No somber, sober reaction to the verdict, knowing that a small child is dead and her body was tossed out in a swamp like garbage. !!!!! There can be no celebrating here, no reveling here.

In the meantime, excerpts have been released of Casey's phone calls and letters where she talks about her desire to have more children, and possibly "adopt a child from Ireland."

By the way, my husband happens to disagree with me. He was not convinced the prosecution proved its case. In fact, he predicted a not guilty verdict early Sunday after listening to most of the closing statements, and what can I say, he was right. He was persuaded by the defense arguments that there was, indeed, a reasonable doubt that would keep Casey Anthony from being convicted. I have friends in law enforcement who feel the same way. As for me, I remain convinced of her guilt, and believe the case was convincing, and convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.

This morning an alternate juror spoke and said that he would have voted to acquit. He also did not feel that the prosecution proved its case. However, he did say that he actually thought it was a "horrible" accident that got blown out of proportion. Where in the world was the evidence for that??? That was just the fantasy story the defense threw up to create reasonable doubt.

One final thought: Notice that the juror #3 quoted above did not say the jury thought Casey Anthony was innocent. In fact, she said they were sick to their stomachs and crying. If that's true, then they must have felt she was guilty. Indeed, my husband believes she is guilty; my law enforcement friends believe she is guilty.

Well, in that we agree.

To Caylee, God Bless, Little One - Rest in Peace

Complete and Utter Miscarriage of Justice: Casey Anthony Not Guilty

2011-07-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

Casey Anthony is Guilty. There is no doubt in MY mind that she murdered her sweet little daughter. I believe the evidence: chloroform was found in the trunk of her car; her car smelled of human decay. She had searched chloroform on the internet 80+ times. What does "reasonable doubt" mean in the minds of the Casey Anthony jury members? Does it mean "smoking gun"?

One of the jurors during jury selection said that she didn't like to "judge people", especially when people are saying "bad things" about them. Wow. That should have been an automatic strike. Incapable to leveling a penalty.

The most damning evidence for me was Casey Anthony's own behavior, her lies to cover up her daughter's absence, her partying during a period of time when any loving mother would have been beside herself with fright and terror to find her daughter, her disgusting tattoo: "Bella Vita" (the good life) that she received while her daughter was missing. How could any loving mother do these things if she genuinely thought her daughter was missing, and CARED at all about her?

At the very minimum, Casey should have been convicted of one of the lesser charges, even child abuse. She alone held culpability for the care and welfare of her daughter.

How can a mother do the things that Casey did and there not be any way to hold her accountable for the DEATH of her daughter???

Some of the news people are saying the prosecution overcharged, that they should have charged her with negligent child abuse homicide and focused their case on that. I for one would have been satisfied with that.

It is hard to understand how a mother could kill her own child, how Casey could have constructed such a narcissistic, self-absorbed world in her own mind that she could dispose of her little daughter and run out and get a tattoo declaring to the world that she is living the "good life". It is equally hard to understand how a jury could overlook all of that and give her a slap on the wrist.

That woman is guilty and regardless of the verdict, she is still guilty. Even though she was not convicted in a court of law, she is culpable for her daughter's death.

Big Love Season 5

2011-02-10T07:58:00.000-08:00

'Big Love' has been really entertaining this season, with some twists that have been surprising and funny. Margene's admission about her age at the time of their marriage struck me so funny I couldn't stop laughing. The scene where Bill gathers representatives of polygamous groups around the same table for a "Safety Net" meeting was also fun, especially when Alby (appearing by video) insults a woman from another community and the meeting erupts into argument. Some of the names of the communities were cute, and I also got a laugh out of the woman representing Tapestry Against Polygamy being present "under protest".

Considering I've participated in the real Safety Net (and chaired the women's committee for over a year), I had to laugh at the fictionalized version being the brainchild of Bill in his (failed) attempt to bring the communities together and create "reform". In truth, the Safety Net was created by the Utah Attorney General's office, with the support of many government and non-government agencies, as well as representatives of polygamous independents and groups. It was ultimately funded in 2008 by legislation establishing the Safety Net Initiative, allowing for the hiring of a Safety Net Coordinator and a Case Manager. The Safety Net Initiative can be found in Utah State Code, Title 67-5-26. The Safety Net is now run by the Family Support Center (a nonprofit that offers counseling, parent support, a crisis nursery among other services), and there are three Safety Net employees: the Safety Net Coordinator and the Clinical coordinator, both based in Salt Lake, and the case manager, based in St. George.

Unlike Bill's unsuccessful attempts to bring the fictionalized polygamous communities to the table, representatives of several real polygamous groups regularly attend the Safety Net meetings and get along just fine.

As a freshman state Senator, would bill really be on the Appropriations committee?? I doubt it, but it made for good TV.

Big Love is back in good form, and back in my "must see TV" viewing, along with "The Good Wife", another well-written, clever favorite at our house.

Canadian Polygamy Court Case

2011-01-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, the Canadian court case will resume with testimony from FLDS women about polygamy and their lives in the FLDS.

Alina Darger and I testified last week, as Independent Fundamentalist Mormons. Many people do not understand what that means. I saw one blogger refer to me as an Independent FLDS. I have never been FLDS, but I was baptized a member of the LDS Church as a child, and later became an Independent Fundamentalist Mormon. To clarify some confusion over the different Mormon factions, please refer to the following:

Quick facts:

1 - LDS - Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as "Mormons"). Founded by Joseph Smith, who practiced polygamy; church no longer practices polygamy but it is still part of Mormon theology (LDS men can be sealed to a second wife for eternity upon the death of a first wife).
2 - Fundamentalist Mormon - NOT SYNONYMOUS with "FLDS". "Mormon" in this context does not mean a member of the LDS Church, but refers to a believe in "Mormon" theology. Some Fundamentalist Mormons have been excommunicated from the LDS Church because of their belief in and practice of polygamy. "Fundamentalist Mormon" is an umbrella term that encompasses different kinds of groups/churches and have a shared belief in early Mormonism. Fundamentalist Mormons do not all believe the same or have the same practices; there are many different interpretations of early Mormon believes and some practices that are distinct from group to group or individual to individual. Additionally, there is some variation of belief/practice within a particular group/church. Some Fundamentalist Mormon groups: AUB (Apostolic United Brethren), Centennial Park, DCCS (Kingston community), FLDS, Nielsen/Naylor. Fundamentalist Mormons not part of a group: Independents
An example: "Christian" - Many different kinds of Christians: Episcopal, Baptist, Lutheran, Protestant, Catholic, with some variation and differences in belief and some common/shared belief.
3 - FLDS - Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-days Saints - Not affiliated with the LDS Church. The FLDS Church was organized in 1991 after a split with individuals who organized a neighboring community to Hildale, Utah & Colorado City, AZ, called Centennial Park.
4. Independent Fundamentalist Mormon - An "Independent" is someone who is not affiliated with a polygamous group or church, has no leader or "prophet",
5. Alina Darger, Mary Batchelor - "Independent Fundamentalist Mormons". Alina testified she is part of a plural family and loves her sister wives. She was 20 when she got married. Mary was not raised in a plural family but by LDS parents with Fundamentalist Mormon leanings, and was baptized into the LDS Church and allowed to attend if she wished, which she did occasionally with her LDS maternal grandparents, LDS neighbors, and later with friends while attending college. Mary became a second wife at the age of 20 (3 days shy of 21) and lived polygamously for 3 years until the other wife left the relationship. Mary has continued in monogamy for 18 years, for a total of 21 years.

Here are some articles about the testimony:

Utah Woman Defends Polygamy in B.C. Court
Polygamy Law was Greatest Fear for Plural Wife
Happily Married Wife Testifies Polygamy is 'Really Amazing'
Wife Delights in the Closeness of her Polygamist Family, Court told
Utah Mother Drops Anonymity, Testifies Abt 'Amazing' Experience of Plural Families

For a more in-depth explanation of the various factions of Mormonism, check out the book, Scattering of the Saints: Schism within Mormonism

Utah mother drops anonymity, testifies about 'amazing' experience of plural families

2011-01-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

Utah mother drops anonymity, testifies about 'amazing' experience of plural families

A polygamous mother from Utah on Wednesday agreed to lift an anonymity order and testify using her name at the polygamy trial in B.C. Supreme Court.

Alina Darger, who has seven children, spoke glowingly of her experiences growing up in a polygamous family and as one of three sister wives to her current husband.

Darger, born in Salt Lake City in 1969, was initially one of a number of fundamentalist Mormons who agreed to testify only if their identities could be shielded.

She said that she had previously done press interviews but when she was offered anonymity to testify, she agreed because it was always a risk to use her name.

“As the case proceeded and as I thought about it more, I felt that this would be just a historic case that may never come up again and an opportunity to present a voice that might not otherwise be heard,” she said.

“So I decided to drop the anonymity.”

Prior to the trial opening in November, B.C. Supreme Court Chief Justice Robert Bauman agreed to allow a number of fundamentalist Mormons to testify without identifying themselves. A number of those unnamed witnesses are to be heard next week.

To date, much of the evidence at trial has indicated that polygamy is associated with harms to individuals, families and society as a whole.

But Darger, who describes herself as an independent fundamentalist Mormon who does not belong to a church, painted a completely different picture of her life.

She said her father had two wives and 32 children, with her own mother having 15 of those kids.

“Growing up, I lived in a plural family and I loved that experience and I thought it was really amazing,” she told the judge.

“I always felt like I had somebody close to care for me.”

Court has heard that many polygamous communities have arranged marriages, but Darger said she does not believe in the practice.

She said she and her two sister wives entered their marriages with her husband with free choice.

“From a religious perspective, what role does plural marriage play?” asked lawyer Robert Wickett, who is representing fundamentalist Mormons.

“Obviously it’s a very sacred and deep principle to me,” she replied. “And I believe it with all my heart and I think it makes a better person of me. All of us come together on family holidays and we love one another.”

Darger said she married at the age of 20, the same age as her husband. She was the first wife and thus is legally married. There are 24 kids among the three sister wives, she said.

The judge has been asked to decide whether Canada’s polygamy law is constitutional. The issue was referred to the court after two fundamentalist Mormon leaders in the small community of Bountiful had their polygamy charges stayed in 2009.

kfraser@theprovince.com

Wife Delights in Closeness of Her Polygamist Family, Court Told

2011-01-21T19:12:00.000-08:00

Wife delights in closeness of her polygamist family, court told
WENDY STUECK
Vancouver— From Thursday's Globe and Mail (includes correction)
Published Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2011 11:26PM EST
Last updated Thursday, Jan. 20, 2011 4:29PM EST

As one of three wives in a polygamous marriage, Alina Darger, could have testified anonymously in a landmark case that is weighing the constitutionality of Canada’s polygamy law.

Instead, Ms. Darger waived that right, becoming the first witness in the proceeding to provide a favourable personal account of a practice that the governments of Canada and British Columbia maintain is inevitably harmful to women, children and society.

“I felt this is a historic case that may never come up again – and an opportunity to present a voice that might not otherwise be heard,” Ms. Darger said on Wednesday in B.C. Supreme Court. “And so I decided to drop the anonymity.”

Ms. Darger, who described herself as an independent fundamentalist Mormon, testified as a witness for the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or FLDS, a polygamous sect. The mainstream Mormon church officially renounced polygamy in 1890. Last year, just before the constitutional reference case, B.C. Supreme Court Justice Robert Bauman granted FLDS witnesses the right to submit affidavits and testify anonymously after being told they would not testify without that protection.

In a marked contrast to former FLDS members who have told the court about overcrowded, abusive homes filled with conflict and power struggles, Ms. Darger described her childhood and marriage in glowing terms.

Her father had two wives, and Ms. Darger herself is the first of three wives. She has seven children of her own, and she and her two “sister-wives” have a total of 24 children aged from six months to 20 years old.

Ms. Darger said she chose to practise polygamy because it is central to her faith and she wanted the same closeness and security as an adult that she had experienced as a child.

“I loved that experience and thought it was really amazing,” Ms. Darger said. “I always felt I had somebody close to care for me.”

Ms. Darger said she does not believe in arranged marriages and, under questioning by a B.C. government lawyer, said while she is aware that some fundamentalist Mormons have married underage girls, she does not endorse or approve of that practice.

“I disagree with that; it’s not in my belief system, and there are laws to take care of that – and they should,” Ms. Darger said.

Former FLDS members who testified for the province have spoken at length in court about the hardships they experienced while in polygamous relationships, including physical and emotional abuse and, for women, being forced to marry much older men.

In the reference case, the attorneys-general of B.C. and Canada are arguing that Canada’s law prohibiting polygamy should be upheld. A court-appointed amicus curiae is taking the position that the law is unconstitutional and should be struck down.

Successive governments in B.C. have wrestled with the question of whether to prosecute polygamists in the FLDS community of Bountiful. The issue was referred to court for a constitutional reference after polygamy charges against community leaders Winston Blackmore and James Oler were stayed in 2009.

Mr. Blackmore is not participating in the reference case. James Oler will not be appearing as a witness but is participating in the proceeding as an “interested person”.

Editor's note: The original version of this online story incorrectly stated that James Oler was not participating in any part of the reference case on polygamy. This online version has been corrected.

Polygamy Boosts Mouse Sperm Fitness

2011-01-21T18:59:00.000-08:00

This was interesting.

**********

Polygamy boosts mouse sperm fitness

January 2011 by Wendy Zukerman
For similar stories, visit the Evolution and Love and Sex Topic Guides
After only 12 generations of practising polygamy male mice are much more fertile than their monogamous brethren.

That is the conclusion of the first study to provide concrete evidence for the evolutionary theory which proposes that competition for mates will increase male fertility, says Leigh Simmons at the University of Western Australia, Australia.

House mice (Mus domesticus) can swap between being polygamous and monogamous. To see if this had an impact on their sperm quality, Simmons and his colleague Renee Firman created polygamous and monogamous breeds and compared their fertility.

For the "monogamous" mice, they paired 18 males with 18 female mice, then took two offspring from each monogamous couple – one male and one female – and bred them with the offspring of another monogamous couple. The experiment was repeated for 12 generations.

For "polygamous" mice, each female was sequentially mated with three males, and this, too, was repeated for 12 generations. At the end of breeding, all mice were the same size and weight.

Sperm success

Next came the ultimate test: would sperm from polygamous males be more successful at producing offspring than sperm from monogamous mice?

To find out, 16 females in heat were each mated with a different monogamous male, quickly followed by a polygamous male. The experiment was reversed in another group of 16 females: polygamous males were mated first. Embryos from the 32 females were then genetically tested to determine paternity.

The team found that polygamous males produced more offspring in both experiments: they fathered 76 per cent of the offspring when they mated first and 58 per cent when they mated last.

Simmons and Firman think they know why the polygamous males are more fertile. In previous experiments, they had analysed the sperm quality of the mice after only eight generations of mating. Males from the polygamous lines produced more sperm with better motility than monogamous males.

The sperm might also be getting bigger. Using previous literature Maximilian Tourmente of the National Museum of Natural Sciences in Madrid, Spain, compared the testicle mass of 226 species with their sperm length. In general, animals with larger testes had longer sperm.

Big tests, big sperm

Testes are known to be larger in polygamous animals, so Tourmente reasoned polygamous mating selects for longer sperm.

"As sperm become longer, sperm swimming velocity increases," says Tourmente. Since sperm speed is a major factor in successful fertilisation, "this explains why it is targeted by sexual selection so efficiently", he says.

While Simmons did not see larger sperm in his polygamous mice after eight generations, he says it could be "the next step" in their evolution. "These mice only had a few generations to adapt, perhaps in the following generations we will begin to see larger sperm," he says.

Russell Bonduriansky, an evolutionary biologist at the University of New South Wales, Australia, says, these studies provide "strong evidence" that the appearance of sperm "evolves quite rapidly" in response to intense sperm competition.

Journal Reference: Simmons: BMC Evolutionary Biology (in press), Tourmente: BMC Evolutionary Biology, DOI: 10.1186/1471-2148-11-12

Polygamous Youth Talent Show Raises Charity Funds

2010-12-29T22:40:00.001-08:00

Read the AP article below. You can find it here:

Polygamous youth talent show raises charity funds

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A talent show featuring youth from Utah's polygamous community has generated an $1,800 donation to a statewide domestic violence hotline.

Sponsored by an equal rights committee of the polygamy advocacy group Principle Voices, the October talent night featured more than 20 vocalists and musicians. Nearly all were kids.

Principle Voices co-founder Anne Wilde says the event was designed as a service project for youth. Nearly all of Utah's polygamous sects were represented. About 250 attended the performance which was held in a private home.

The funds generated were donated to Linkline, a 24-hour domestic violence hotline run by the nonprofit Utah Domestic Violence Council.

Wilde says Linkline has suffered under state budget cuts. The hotline connects callers with counseling, shelters and other services.

Father Wins Right to Visit Children in Polygamous Community

2010-12-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

Father wins the right to visit his children in his own home, which happens to be located within the boundary of a small community where a majority of the residents believe in and practice polygamy.

Imagine that! A non-custodial father actually being allowed to have regular visitations with his children in his own home. The man is divorced from the children's mother, and is currently single, is not practicing polygamy, and the objection of his ex-wife is that his belief in plural marriage should be sufficient to restrict his visitations with his children to supervised visitations outside of his home/community.

The man and his wife had resided near AUB communities and associated with those communities for many years, though they were LDS. Their children played with children of the AUB, and likely with children from polygamous families within those communities. It was interest shown by other women in potentially joining their family that ultimately prompted the wife to divorce, choosing to remain LDS and not adopt the Fundamentalist Mormon beliefs along with her husband. It is important to note that the AUB condemns underage marriage, and does not arrange marriages of its members.

It is sad to see a marriage of so many years end in divorce. I'm sorry for both parties and especially for the children. I would remind people, however, that people do change their belief systems during their lifetimes and sometimes these changes, along with many other factors, cause irreconcilable differences and break up the marriage/relationship.

In any case, this father has not done anything wrong, nor broken any law, and upholding his rights as a father to his children was the only right ruling for the court to make.

Some details of this case can be found in this Salt Lake Tribune article: Judge allows children to visit father in polygamous community.

This looks like fun! Dress Like a Polygamist @ Polygamē Clothers of Utah

2010-12-17T17:34:00.000-08:00

Polygamē Clothers of Utah is located on Main Street inside the Treasure Mountain Inn, in Park City.

Check out the following article from The Park Record:

Dress like a polygamist on Main Street
Novelty t-shirt shop pokes fun at Utah stereotype
by Andrew Kirk, OF THE RECORD STAFF
Posted: 12/17/2010 04:33:33 PM MST

Amber Smith shows off three of her designs and some of the books on polygamy offered in the...

Now that alcohol is easier to buy, Utah County resident Amber Smith is tackling the next biggest stereotype of Utah culture with a t-shirt shop called Polygamē Clothers of Utah.

Women can buy a t-shirt that labels them "Wife 27." Men can get a sweatshirt that says, "Half the husband, twice the man" or "I went to Utah and all I got was this other wife."

Smith is not part of a polygamist family and never has been, but she does know quite a bit about them. Since American culture seems fascinated with contemporary sister wives, she figured there was no one better to capitalize on the curiosity in what she hopes is a respectful manner.

"We don't want to be hateful to polygamist people, or to be rude, but to lighten the mood," she said.

Nor is it a stab at Mormonism, she said. Her husband, anthropologist Daymon Smith, is a Mormon history expert and both are members of the LDS Church.

"Tourists come to Utah and think we're all polygamists. We're poking fun at that," she explained.

The clothing is all hand-inked so each shirt or hoodie is unique. If people want to learn more about the practice, dozens of books give the history of nineteenth-century Mormon polygamy and polygamous practices around the world. Smith has even designed several ankle-length dresses inspired by photographs of Brigham Young's daughters and sewn in Colorado City, of course.

She has spotted a few people from Colorado City checking the store out, and they chuckled too, she said. Smith believes they've succeeded in joking with, not at, the contemporary practitioners.

"You don't have to be a polygamist, but you can dress like one," she said. "We're light-hearted about it; it's tongue-in-cheek."

Smith acknowledges some modern LDS Church members don't find polygamy funny, but she thinks that's ironic. Utahns are quick to judge groups they don't know a lot about. That's the exact same reason so many Americans assume church members all have many wives.

Polygamy was never a large part of Mormon culture, but it was understood and respected. She thinks Utahns today could do a better job respecting other people's beliefs.

Meanwhile, Smith has t-shirts reading, "Bigamy Schmigamy" and "Poly-curious." If anyone wishes
to take the anachronism a step further, she has images of Brigham Young dressed as Che Guevara all in the name of fun.

Polygamē Clothers of Utah
Inside Treasure Mountain Inn
255 Main Street Suite D
435-241-8420

Married 21 Years Today: Celebrating Our Life and Family Together

2010-12-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are celebrating our 21st anniversary today, in love.

Mormon Polygamy: Race Treason?

2010-12-15T06:31:00.000-08:00

Some very interesting papers:

Natural Law and the Rhetoric of Empire: Reynolds v. United States, Polygamy, and Imperialism

Nathan B. Oman
William & Mary Law School

William & Mary Law School Research Paper No. 09-43

Abstract:
In 1879, the U.S. Supreme Court construed the Free Exercise Clause for the first time, holding in Reynolds v. United States that Congress could punish Mormon polygamy. Historians have interpreted Reynolds and the massive wave of anti-polygamy legislation and litigation that it midwifed as an extension of Reconstruction into the American West. This Article offers a new historical interpretation, one that places the birth of Free Exercise jurisprudence in Reynolds within an international context of Great Power imperialism and American international expansion at the end of the nineteenth century. It does this by recovering the lost theory of religious freedom that the Mormons offered in Reynolds, a theory grounded in the natural law tradition. It then shows how the Court rejected this theory by using British imperial law to interpret the scope of the first amendment. Unraveling the work done by these international analogies reveals how the legal debates in Reynolds reached back to natural law theorists of the seventeenth-century such as Hugo Grotius and forward to fin de siècle imperialists such as Theodore Roosevelt. By analogizing the federal government to the British Raj, Reynolds provided a framework for national politicians in the 1880s to employ the supposedly discredited tactics of Reconstruction against the Mormons. Embedded in imperialist analogies, Reynolds and its progeny thus formed a prelude to the constitutional battles over American imperialism in the wake of the Spanish-American War. These constitutional debates reached their dénouement in The Insular Cases, where Reynolds and its progeny appeared not as Free Exercise cases but as precedents on the scope of American imperial power. This Article thus remaps key events in late nineteenth-century constitutional history, showing how the birth of Free Exercise jurisprudence in Reynolds must be understood as part of America’s engagement with Great Power imperialism and the ideologies that sustained it.

Keywords: legal history, polygamy, constitutional law, free exercise, first amendment, race, imperialism, Insular Cases, Reynolds v. United States, Reconstruction, Mormons, Latter-day Saints, law and religion, natural law, progress

Accepted Paper Series
Date posted: February 28, 2010
Suggested Citation
Oman, Nathan B., Natural Law and the Rhetoric of Empire: Reynolds v. United States, Polygamy, and Imperialism (February 26, 2010). William & Mary Law School Research Paper No. 09-43. Available at SSRN: http://ssrn.com/abstract=1560015

***********

Race Treason: The Untold Story of America's Ban on Polygamy
Martha M. Ertman, University of Maryland School of Law
Abstract
Legal doctrines banning polygamy grew out of nineteenth century Americans’ view that Mormons betrayed the nation by engaging in conduct associated with people of color. This article reveals the racial underpinnings of polygamy law by examining cartoons and other antipolygamy rhetoric of the time to demonstrate Sir Henry Maine’s famous observation that the move in progressive societies is “from status to contract.” It frames antipolygamists’ contentions as a visceral defense of racial and sexual status in the face of encroaching contractual thinking. Polygamy, they reasoned, was “natural” for people of color but so “unnatural” for whites as to produce a new, degenerate race, licentious and submissive to despotism. The article suggests that the tension between status and contract, together with anthropologist Edward Said’s concept of Orientalism, bridge the seemingly separate issues of Mormon polygamy and racial inferiority. In particular, Orientalism explains how the nation deprived overwhelmingly white Mormons of citizenship rights such as voting on grounds of racial inferiority. It concludes by paralleling the status-based, white supremacist rejection of polygamy and today’s arguments against same-sex marriage.

Suggested Citation
19 Columbia Journal of Gender and Law 287 (2010).

****************

The Story of Reynolds v. United States: Federal "Hell Hounds" Punishing Mormon Treason
Martha M. Ertman, University of Maryland School of Law
Article comments
With permission of Thomson Reuters/West.

Abstract
Part of the “Law Stories” series published by Foundation Press, this chapter in Family Law Stories tells the back story of the 1878 US Supreme Court case Reynolds v. U.S.. While the case held that Mormon polygamy was not protected as the free exercise of religion, this chapter shifts our focus away from sex and religion and toward the Court’s language linking Mormon polygamy with “Asiatic and African” peoples as well as political despotism. This close examination of the historical record shows that 19th century concerns about Mormon separatism – commercial, social and political separatism as well was religious – were as important, or even more so, than plural marriage itself. To make its case that antipolygamists of the day viewed Mormon polygamy as both politically and culturally treasonous, the chapter describes George Reynolds’ career, marriages, and imprisonment, including how his life-long devotion to the Mormon Church led to him to be the defendant in this test case. In conclusion, this chapter suggests that Reynolds reliance on political claims of treason (as well as white supremacist views of Mormon polygamy as race treason) may limit the precedential value of the case. In particular, if Reynolds is really about Mormon’s treasonous establishment of a separatist theocracy, it has little applicability to current discussions of same sex marriage since same sex marriage is an assimilationist project.

Suggested Citation
The Story of Reynolds: Federal "Hell Hounds" Punishing Mormon Treason, in Family Law Stories 51 (Carol Sanger ed., 2007)

Polyamory - Egalitarian, Ethical Multiple Relationships

2010-11-25T00:31:00.000-08:00

I have added some polyamory sites to this blog.

The first is Loving More, a very interesting site with articles, newsletters, a magazine, polyamory FAQs, information regarding conferences, etc.

The other site is the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association. The Association is an interested party in the Canadian Polygamy case, arguing against the polygamy prohibition. The Criminal Code of Canada reads as follows:

293. (1) Every one who

(a) practises or enters into or in any manner agrees or consents to practise or enter into

(i) any form of polygamy, or

(ii) any kind of conjugal union with more than one person at the same time,

whether or not it is by law recognized as a binding form of marriage, or

(b) celebrates, assists or is a party to a rite, ceremony, contract or consent that purports to sanction a relationship mentioned in subparagraph (a)(i) or (ii),

is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years.

Evidence in case of polygamy

(2) Where an accused is charged with an offence under this section, no averment or proof of the method by which the alleged relationship was entered into, agreed to or consented to is necessary in the indictment or on the trial of the accused, nor is it necessary on the trial to prove that the persons who are alleged to have entered into the relationship had or intended to have sexual intercourse.

R.S., c. C-34, s. 257."

On this site, you can find hundreds of documents, affidavits and exhibits filed in the Canadian Polygamy case uploaded to google docs. If you are a court watcher, this is a vast resource well worth a look.

John Keats & Fannie Brawne - Collection of Love Letters & Poetry

2010-11-13T17:03:00.000-08:00

In that kind of mood, so thought I'd share. If you haven't seen the movie, Bright Star, it is well worth watching. :o)

*************

Postmark: Newport, July 3, 1819

Shanklin, Isle of Wight, Thursday

My dearest Lady — I am glad I had not an opportunity of sending off a Letter which I wrote for you on Tuesday night—'twas too much like one out of Rousseau's Heloise. I am more reasonable this morning. The morning is the only proper time for me to write to a beautiful Girl whom I love so much: for at night, when the lonely day has closed, and the lonely, silent, unmusical Chamber is waiting to receive me as into a Sepulchre, then believe me my passion gets entirely the sway, then I would not have you see those Rhapsodies which I once thought it impossible I should ever give way to, and which I have often laughed at in another, for fear you should [think me] either too unhappy or perhaps a little mad.

I am now at a very pleasant Cottage window, looking onto a beautiful hilly country, with a glimpse of the sea; the morning is very fine. I do not know how elastic my spirit might be, what pleasure I might have in living here and breathing and wandering as free as a stag about this beautiful Coast if the remembrance of you did not weigh so upon me I have never known any unalloy'd Happiness for many days together: the death or sickness of some one has always spoilt my hours—and now when none such troubles oppress me, it is you must confess very hard that another sort of pain should haunt me.

Ask yourself my love whether you are not very cruel to have so entrammelled me, so destroyed my freedom. Will you confess this in the Letter you must write immediately, and do all you can to console me in it—make it rich as a draught of poppies to intoxicate me—write the softest words and kiss them that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been. For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days—three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain. But however selfish I may feel, I am sure I could never act selfishly: as I told you a day or two before I left Hampstead, I will never return to London if my Fate does not turn up Pam or at least a Court-card. Though I could centre my Happiness in you, I cannot expect to engross your heart so entirely—indeed if I thought you felt as much for me as I do for you at this moment I do not think I could restrain myself from seeing you again tomorrow for the delight of one embrace.

But no—I must live upon hope and Chance. In case of the worst that can happen, I shall still love you—but what hatred shall I have for another!

Some lines I read the other day are continually ringing a peal in my ears:

To see those eyes I prize above mine own
Dart favors on another—
And those sweet lips (yielding immortal nectar)
Be gently press'd by any but myself—
Think, think Francesca, what a cursed thing
It were beyond expression!

J.

Do write immediately. There is no Post from this Place, so you must address Post Office, Newport, Isle of Wight. I know before night I shall curse myself for having sent you so cold a Letter; yet it is better to do it as much in my senses as possible. Be as kind as the distance will permit to your

John Keats

Present my Compliments to your mother, my love to Margaret and best remembrances to your Brother—if you please so.

***************

July 8, 1819

My sweet Girl—Your Letter gave me more delight than any thing in the world but yourself could do; indeed I am almost astonished that any absent one should have that luxurious power over my senses which I feel. Even when I am not thinking of you I receive your influence and a tenderer nature stealing upon me. All my thoughts, my unhappiest days and nights have I find not at all cured me of my love of Beauty, but made it so intense that I am miserable that you are not with me: or rather breathe in that dull sort of patience that cannot be called Life.

I never knew before, what such a love as you have made me feel, was; I did not believe in it; my Fancy was afraid of it, lest it should burn me up. But if you will fully love me, though there may be some fire, 'twill not be more than we can bear when moistened and bedewed with Pleasures.

You mention 'horrid people' and ask me whether it depend upon them whether I see you again. Do understand me, my love, in this. I have so much of you in my heart that I must turn Mentor when I see a chance of harm befalling you. I would never see any thing but Pleasure in your eyes, love on your lips, and Happiness in your steps. I would wish to see you among those amusements suitable to your inclinations and spirits; so that our loves might be a delight in the midst of Pleasures agreeable enough, rather than a resource from vexations and cares. But I doubt much, in case of the worst, whether I shall be philosopher enough to follow my own Lessons: if I saw my resolution give you a pain I could not.

Why may I not speak of your Beauty, since without that I could never have lov'd you? I cannot conceive any beginning of such love as I have for you but Beauty. There may be a sort of love for which, without the least sneer at it, I have the highest respect and can admire it in others: but it has not the richness, the bloom, the full form, the enchantment of love after my own heart. So let me speak of your Beauty, though to my own endangering; if you could be so cruel to me as to try elsewhere its Power.

You say you are afraid I shall think you do not love me—in saying this you make me ache the more to be near you. I am at the diligent use of my faculties here, I do not pass a day without sprawling some blank verse or tagging some rhymes; and here I must confess, that, (since I am on that subject,) I love you the more in that I believe you have liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. I have met with women whom I really think would like to be married to a Poem and to be given away by a Novel. I have seen your Comet, and only wish it was a sign that poor Rice would get well whose illness makes him rather a melancholy companion: and the more so as so to conquer his feelings and hide them from me, with a forc'd Pun.

I kiss'd your Writing over in the hope you had indulg'd me by leaving a trace of honey. What was your dream? Tell it me and I will tell you the interpretation threreof.

Ever yours, my love!

John Keats

Do not accuse me of delay—we have not here any opportunity of sending letters every day. Write speedily.

July 15, 1819

Shanklin, Thursday Evening
My love—I have been in so irritable a state of health these two or three last days, that I did not think I should be able to write this week. Not that I was so ill, but so much so as only to be capable of an unhealthy teasing letter. To night I am greatly recovered only to feel the languor I have felt after you touched with ardency.

You say you perhaps might have made me better: you would then have made me worse: now you could quite effect a cure: What fee my sweet Physician would I not give you to do so.

Do not call it folly, when I tell you I took your letter last night to bed with me. In the morning I found your name on the sealing wax obliterated. I was startled at the bad omen till I recollected that it must have happened in my dreams, and they you know fall out by contraries. You must have found out by this time I am a little given to bode ill like the raven; it is my misfortune not my fault; it has proceeded from the general tenor of the circumstances of my life, and rendered every event suspicious. However I will no more trouble either you or myself with sad prophecies; though so far I am pleased at it as it has given me opportunity to love your disinterestedness towards me. I can be a raven no more; you and pleasure take possession of me at the same moment. I am afraid you have been unwell. If through me illness have touched you (but it must be with a very gentle hand) I must be selfish enough to feel a little glad at it. Will you forgive me this?

I have been reading lately an oriental tale of a very beautiful color. It is of a city of melancholy men, all made so by this circumstance. Through a series of adventures each one of them by turns reach some gardens of Paradise where they meet with a most enchanting Lady; and just as they are going to embrace her, she bids them shut their eyes they shut them and on opening their eyes again find themselves descending to the earth in a magic basket. The remembrance of this Lady and their delights lost beyond all recovery render them melancholy ever after. How I applied this to you, my dear; how I palpitated at it; how the certainty that you were in the same world with myself, and though as beautiful, not so talismanic as that Lady; how I could not bear you should be so you must believe because I swear it by yourself.

I cannot say when I shall get a volume ready. I have three or four stories half done, but as I cannot write for the mere sake of the press, I am obliged to let them progress or lie still as my fancy chooses. By Christmas perhaps they may appear, but I am not yet sure they ever will. 'Twill be no matter, for Poems are as common as newspapers and I do not see why it is a greater crime in me than in another to let the verses of an half-fledged brain tumble into the reading-rooms and drawing-room windows. Rice has been better lately than usual: he is not suffering from any neglect of his parents who have for some years been able to appreciate him better than they did in his first youth, and are now devoted to his comfort.

Tomorrow I shall, if my health continues to improve during the night, take a look fa[r]ther About the country, and spy at the parties about here who come hunting after the picturesque like beagles. It is astonishing how they raven down scenery like children do sweetmeats. The wondrous Chine here as a very great Lion: I wish I had as many guineas as there have been spy-glasses in it.

I have been, I cannot tell why, in capital spirits this last hour. What reason? When I have to take my candle and retire to a lonely room, without the thought as I fall asleep, of seeing you tomorrow morning? or the next day, or the next—it takes on the appearance of impossibility and eternity—I will say a month—I will say I will see you in a month at most, though no one but yourself should see me; if it be but for an hour. I should not like to be so near you as London without being continually with you: after having once more kissed you Sweet I would rather be here alone at my task than in the bustle and hateful literary chitchat. Meantime you must write to me as I will every week for your letters keep me alive. My sweet Girl I cannot speak my love for you.

Good night! and
Ever yours

John Keats

************

Postmark: July 27, 1819

Sunday Night

My sweet Girl—I hope you did not blame me much for not obeying your request of a Letter on Saturday: we have had four in our small room playing at cards night and morning leaving me no undisturb'd opportunity to write. Now Rice and Martin are gone I am at liberty. Brown to my sorrow confirms the account you give of your ill health. You cannot conceive how I ache to be with you: how I would die for one hour—for what is in the world? I say you cannot conceive; it is impossible you should look with such eyes upon me as I have upon you: it cannot be.

Forgive me if I wander a little this evening, for I have been all day employ'd in a very abstract Poem and I am in deep love with you two things which must excuse me. I have, believe me, not been an age in letting you take possession of me; the very first week I knew you I wrote myself your vassal; but burnt the Letter as the very next time I saw you I thought you manifested some dislike to me. If you should ever feel for Man at the first sight what I did for you, I am lost. Yet I should not quarrel with you, but hate myself if such a thing were to happen—only I should burst if the thing were not as fine as a Man as you are as a Woman.

Perhaps I am too vehement, then fancy me on my knees, especially when I mention a part of your Letter which hurt me; you say speaking of Mr. Severn 'but you must be satisfied in knowing that I admired you much more than your friend.' My dear love, I cannot believe there ever was or ever could be any thing to admire in me especially as far as sight goes—I cannot be admired, I am not a thing to be admired. You are, I love you; all I can bring you is a swooning admiration of your Beauty. I hold that place among Men which snub-nos'd brunettes with meeting eyebrows do among women—they are trash to me—unless I should find one among them with a fire in her heart like the one that burns in mine.

You absorb me in spite of myself—you alone: for I look not forward with any pleasure to what is called being settled in the world; I tremble at domestic cares—yet for you I would meet them, though if it would leave you the happier I would rather die than do so.

I have two luxuries to brood over in my walks, your Loveliness and the hour of my death. O that I could have possession of them both in the same minute. I hate the world: it batters too much the wings of my self-will, and would I could take a sweet poison from your lips to send me out of it. From no others would I take it. I am indeed astonish'd to find myself so careless of all charms but yours—remembering as I do the time when even a bit of ribband was a matter of interest with me.

What softer words can I find for you after this—what it is I will not read. Nor will I say more here, but in a Postscript answer any thing else you may have mentioned in your Letter in so many words—for I am distracted with a thousand thoughts. I will imagine you Venus tonight and pray, pray, pray to your star like a Heathen.

Your's ever, fair Star,

John Keats

My seal is mark'd like a family table cloth with my Mother's initial F for Fanny: put between my Father's initials. You will soon hear from me again. My respectful Compliments to your Mother. Tell Margaret I'll send her a reef of best rocks and tell Sam I will give him my light bay hunter if he will tie the Bishop hand and foot and pack him in a hamper and send him down for me to bathe him for his health with a Necklace of good snubby stones about his Neck.

***********

March 1820

Sweetest Fanny,

You fear, sometimes, I do not love you so much as you wish? My dear Girl I love you ever and ever and without reserve. The more I have known you the more have I lov'd. In every way - even my jealousies have been agonies of Love, in the hottest fit I ever had I would have died for you. I have vex'd you too much. But for Love! Can I help it? You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest. When you pass'd my window home yesterday, I was fill'd with as much admiration as if I had then seen you for the first time. You uttered a half complaint once that I only lov'd your Beauty. Have I nothing else then to love in you but that? Do not I see a heart naturally furnish'd with wings imprison itself with me? No ill prospect has been able to turn your thoughts a moment from me. This perhaps should be as much a subject of sorrow as joy - but I will not talk of that. Even if you did not love me I could not help an entire devotion to you: how much more deeply then must I feel for you knowing you love me. My Mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my Mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment - upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses. The anxiety shown about our Love in your last note is an immense pleasure to me; however you must not suffer such speculations to molest you any more: not will I any more believe you can have the least pique against me. Brown is gone out -- but here is Mrs Wylie -- when she is gone I shall be awake for you. -- Remembrances to your Mother.

Your affectionate, J. Keats

*********

To Fanny Brawne
by John Keats

I cry your mercy -pity -love! -aye, love!
Merciful love that tantalizes not,
One-thoughted, never-wandering, guileless love,
Unmasked, and being seen -without a blot!
O! let me have thee whole, -all -all -be mine!
That shape, that fairness, that sweet minor zest
Of love, your kiss, -those hands, those eyes divine,
That warm, white, lucent, million-pleasured breast, -
Yourself -your soul -in pity give me all,
Withhold no atom's atom or I die,
Or living on, perhaps, your wretched thrall,
Forget, in the mist of idle misery,
Life's purposes, -the palate of my mind
Losing its gust, and my ambition blind!

Excellent Legal Analysis of Polygamy Laws by Jonathan Turley

2010-11-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

This 93-page affidavit by Jonathan Turley is a must-read for anyone who is fascinated by the legal arguments surrounding polygamy, polygyny, polyandry, polyamory. This affidavit was filed in the Canadian Polygamy Case that is set to begin November 22, 2010. You can read it from his "Jonathan Turley" blog.

Enjoy!

'Sister Wives' Drew Record Number of Viewers for TLC

2010-10-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

2.3 million viewers tuned in to the TLC premiere of 'Sister Wives', the new reality show featuring a Utah polygamous family, The Browns.

The Browns are an engaging and likable family, and it's a breath of fresh air to see a different side of polygamy. They came together as adults, and have raised their children together as a family.

Here are some links to some great articles on 'Sister Wives' and the Brown family:

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie from The Daily Herald

Sister Wives Defy Criticism to Open Up on TV from The Today Show

"Sister Wives" on TLC - Likeable Family from Belief Net

Utah County Prosecutors Want to See 'Big Picture' of Prosecuting Reality TV Polygamists from Fox 13 News, KSTU

TLC Unveils Polygamy Reality TV Show: 'Sister Wives'

2010-08-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

First things first, it debuts September 26, 2010, and stars a Utah polygamous family, following the family through a seven show story-arc which includes the courtship of a new wife and her three children (from her former husband), and the addition of a new baby.

I'm really looking forward to this show. This is a lovely family with a great sense of humor and a lot of love to go around.

Here are some articles about the show:

SL Tribune - Utah Polygamists Star in Reality TV Show

TV Guide - 'Sister Wives' Reality TV Show of Polygamist Family

ABC 4 - TLC to Air Polygamist Reality Show 'Sister Wives'

USA Today - Bigger Love: TLC Tries Polygamy Reality Series

LA Times Blog - Reality TV Meets Polygamy

And not to be left out, Perez Hilton blogs: Polygamy Comes to Reality TV!

A Great Response to Anderson Cooper re Warren Jeffs

2010-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

This blog, Messenger and Advocate, posted a smart response to ridiculous comments made on the Anderson Cooper 360 program last night (July 27, 2010). In particular, he answers Jeffrey Toobin's clueless assessment of the Utah State Supreme Court decision overturning Warren Jeffs' convictions. Toobin himself admitted he'd had to read the decision twice to understand it, and then apparently, still didn't. I don't even know where to begin with Jon Krakauer. 8[ Under the Banner of Heaven was an unimpressive book considering all the errors. He clearly didn't even make an attempt at accuracy. With that in mind, I take everything he says with complete skepticism.

Make sure you read the comments. One of the commenters is the son of one of the Utah Supreme Court Justices. Interesting.

Father Says His Custody Rights Violated because of Fundamentalist Mormon Views

2010-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

Polygamy » Divorce case limits what he can say, where he can take children.
By Brooke Adams
The Salt Lake Tribune
Updated: 04/22/2010 03:57:41 PM MDT

Rocky Ridge » A Utah father is fighting an order that bars him from sharing his Fundamentalist Mormon views with his children or taking them to this small town he now calls home where most residents hold a religious belief in polygamy that a judge deemed "harmful."

Joseph Compton doesn't like the label "Fundamentalist Mormon." Instead, he prefers to describe himself as believing in "the gospel like Joseph Smith originally wrote it," which includes the religious tenant of plural marriage.

But that belief has put him outside the law, 4th District Judge Donald J. Eyre said in ruling last fall that gave Kathleen Compton temporary custody of the couple's four minor children, who range in age from 5 to 16. They also have four adult children.

Eyre ordered Compton, 49, to not "discuss polygamy or plural marriage with the minor children, allow the children to be in close proximity to those (other than himself) who practice polygamy or plural marriage or who aid or abet those who do."

Please follow this link for the rest of this article.

Government, Social Workers Get Course on Polygamous Culture

2010-04-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ben WinslowFox 13 News

6:21 PM MDT, April 22, 2010

LINK TO VIDEO: Watch video and read the whole article HERE.

NEPHI - Child welfare protection workers, family crisis shelter workers, police officers and other government employees got a lesson in polygamous culture on Thursday. A group that works with people in fundamentalist Mormon communities is teaching them how to better respond to a situation involving someone from a polygamous community.

"We need to start treating fundamentalist Mormons with the same cultural sensitivity that we do with other diverse groups in this state," said Patricia Merkley, the coordinator of the Safety Net Committee, a coalition of government agencies, social workers and fundamentalists who work to combat abuse and neglect in isolated communities.

Paper: Autonomy, Imperfect Consent, and Polygamist Sex Rights Claims

2010-04-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

The following is an extract from the California Law Review. Follow the link below and look for the pdf link at the bottom of the longer extract on the Law Review site. You can read the entire paper by clicking on the pdf link. I highly recommend it.

Autonomy, Imperfect Consent, and Polygamist Sex Rights Claims
07 Apr 2010 03:37pm, by Jacob Richards

"This paper explores a recent wave of pro-polygamy activism, exemplified in the recent Tenth Circuit challenge in Bronson v. Swensen. Though the plaintiffs in this case challenged Utah’s bigamy law partly on religious freedom grounds, they also argued that the law violated their rights to liberty and privacy under the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. In doing so, they relied heavily on the seminal gay rights case Lawrence v. Texas. In addition to invoking Lawrence, there are many other ways in which the Bronson plaintiffs and other polygamy activists make use of tactics and rhetorical strategies borrowed from feminism and LGBT rights activism. This paper posits that feminism and LGBT rights are part of a broader tradition of sex rights that is rooted in such values as gender equality, freedom from abuse or discrimination and bodily and sexual self-determination, and seeks to answer two questions about the relationship between this tradition of sex rights and polygamy activism."

Liar, Liar? (Updated)

2010-04-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

Hm, I really wonder what strange and malicious tales would surface if everyone had to tell the truth for just 24 hours (a la Jim Carrey in 'Liar Liar')?

Just what does THIS information mean for the legitimacy of the Warren Jeffs' trial and conviction? A KSL article says this:

"Did a witness lie on the stand and fabricate evidence during FLDS leader Warren Jeffs' trial?

That's what the Washington County attorney's office says they are investigating.

A deputy attorney confirmed to KSL they received information that Jane Blackmore, a midwife to Elissa Wall during a miscarriage and witness in the trial, lied during her testimony.

They are also looking into whether medical records she provided are accurate.

Jeffs was convicted of being an accomplice to the rape of Wall, for forcing her to marry her 19-year-old cousin when she was 14."

Also, the Salt Lake Tribune has this article: Allegations of Fabricated Records Surface in Jeffs case, and the Plural Life Blog has a Motion filed by Attorney General Mark Shurtleff.

A pertinent question now is, how much did Elissa know? This is especially meaningful in light of the fact that apparently this information surfaced as a result of a conversation between Shannon Price and Elissa's husband Lamont.

I don't accept that Jane Blackmore merely reconstructed original records that were lost or destroyed. If that were the case, she should have testified to that in court. Further, why were the records submitted "doctored" to appear like original records? That goes beyond a mere memory reconstruction, it is fabrication, folks.

My Society is Better than Your Society ~ Assimilate or Die

2010-04-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

I very much agree with this physician's point of view, as expressed in this opinion piece published in the San Angelo Standard-Times: "Viewpoint: FLDS has legal right to its beliefs, practices".

I would ask everyone to consider the following. American society has a lot of evil in it. There are serial killers, rapists, child abusers, drug dealers, to name a few, and then there are the social problems such as addiction, alcoholism, homelessness, poverty, teen runaways, prostitution, etc.

All societies have strata, or sociodemographic layers. This means that the upper layers include people who enjoy affluence, political power and expanded influence. The bottom layers include people who fail to thrive financially, experience the breakdown of family, experience extreme powerlessness, with some perpetrating crimes.

Like all societies, the FLDS society experiences both successes and failures, good and bad outcomes. There are those for whom the social structure, value system, mores and economic vision work well. There are also those for whom it has not worked; some who rejected the principles, values, faith, or system upon which it is based, others who violated the standards of the community and rules of the society. Again, there are successes and there are failures. The simple fact that there are some failures in the FLDS system (or in its implementation) in no way excuses greater society's paternalistic intervention and invasion, and dismantling of the community and its infrastructure. (See Associated Press: "Warrants served on polygamous towns in Utah, Ariz"; also recent threats have been made by Arizona AG Terry Goddard and in a letter by Utah AG Mark Shurtleff to "disincorporate" the city governments of Hildale and Colorado City)

Is this a religious crusade, political jealousy, or financial plunder? What are the reasons for this wholesale assault upon the FLDS as a collective?

Have we reached the point where, as a society, we have become allergic to the very existence of an insular culture within our borders? Are our modern fashions and debt-based financial systems so noble that we must eradicate a society which chooses a different, and in some ways more healthy, path?

I do NOT see that we have the right to declare OUR WAY the ONLY RIGHT WAY and impose our value system and mores and all that goes with it (including both the good AND the BAD, btw), and the FLDS way wholesale wrong and unworthy of any respect.

WHY IS IT OKAY for outsiders, or even former insiders, to call for the restructuring and radical social re-engineering of the FLDS community?

Outrageous

2010-03-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

This article from Go San Angelo's article: "FLDS: 75 Year Sentence Called Harsh", explains what we all know, the 75 year sentence handed down by a Texas jury to Merrill Leroy Jessop was extreme, on the "high end", and unusual (if not unheard of) for first time offenders.

Even considering that consent is no defense for sex with a minor, it has been considered a mitigating factor in sentencing. In other words, some offenders receive lighter sentences due to several factors, first time offense, consent of "victim", among others, that were present in this case, but were ignored by this jury.

I am appalled. This is not justice for anyone, especially not justice for the victim, and does not serve society's interest to mete out fair and reasonable punishment.

It is the kind of ruling that reveals bias, and a bias that has clearly governed the decision-making of this process.

Here's the deal. We all have bias. We all have opinions on right and wrong. The key is to set aside our personal biases and make fair and equitable, JUST decisions when we are in positions of power over other people and their lives.

This "victim" has now been punished by this verdict. She is a part of this culture, and a part of this man's family. She has not been saved by this verdict. She has been insulted, and don't anyone think for a second that she does not FEEL insulted by this.

I have said this many times, I do not believe that girls should be married at such young ages, but the FLDS IS a culture with its own value system, faith, economic structure and cultural mores, and whether or not any of us agree with that system, it is NOT right to disregard it or forcibly dismantle it.

Read the article. This Texas jury failed in its duty. Period.

The 75-year verdict was "outrageous".

I REALLY Don't Want to See Alby Naked

2010-01-28T17:25:00.000-08:00

Just that. Last Sunday's episode was incredible TV, but seriously, I DO NOT want to see Alby naked. Ever. Again. Because I did see him once and that was more than I wanted. Thanks.

Dear You

2010-01-28T06:33:00.000-08:00

I thought of you today. I hope you are well, that you are happy, that you have joy and fulfillment in your life.

Sometimes I guess paths diverge in painful, angry ways and that pain turns into hostility and enmity. The world through your own eyes can become a cruel one, and you walk cloaked in an armor of your own making, deflecting even shafts of sunshine and kindness for fear they might be arrows sent to pierce you.

Let me go, let me go, you say, and then when you are released, you don't fly. You aren't ready to stop fighting, you need to be right, you need to blame. You need someone with whom to measure yourself. And so I am with you, dancing the tangled dance of fearful bonding, building a nest of anger and grief in which to hide myself away from flight. And then I abandon our angry nest and shed our armor and soar into the sun, and find that my world is bigger than us. I can live apart from you. I thrive in flight. I am not going back.

Are you ready little bird? Have you taken flight?

I wonder where my judgment has gone. Is it with you?

Maybe you remember only my imperfections, cast against your perfectness. Or maybe there is comfort in my frailty and terror in my strength.

I pray not, for my strength is my frailty; my forgiveness is my judgment; my love is my acceptance.

Lift your face to the sun. What do you feel? I feel it too.

Mary Batchelor
January 28, 2010

Big Love - SO GOOD - Plus, Choe Sevigny Won a Golden Globe

2010-01-17T21:36:00.000-08:00

Loved the show tonight. The episode was more serious this week, and as engaging as ever. The writing was so good.

I was struck by Sarah's story line; her struggle with telling her parents what she wanted an initially trying to avoid telling them altogether. I liked how she finally told her dad, and gave him and ultimately the whole family a chance to participate in her wedding and not only be aware of her decision but give them an opportunity to accept that decision (or not). Obviously it is not going to be easy but so many families evolve when their children marry and move in new directions and that evolution is always going to have some challenges. I felt like it was pretty real, and I was happy to be able to respect Sarah for her courage in standing on her own beliefs without shoving them in her parents face or cutting them out of her life. I understand the character is leaving the show, so I hope that departure happens without a severing of family ties.

Margie's independence and assertiveness is cool, and I really sympathized with Nikki's struggle with her faith and her identity and the repercussions of that with her immediate and extended family. It was interesting to see her teen daughter's reaction to the way Bill's wives "talk back" to him, and the fact that Bill's family "breaks all the rules" as she was taught them.

Couple of odd things: 1) picture of the Savior on the wall in the background when Bill and Joey are talking looked very Catholic. Mormon pictures of the Savior do not have a halo glow around the head. 2) Polygamy is NOT a misdemeanor in Utah. There is no specific polygamy statue in Utah, but it is against the law, a felony under the bigamy statute, through through a cohabitation prong. Bigamy is defined broadly in Utah precisely to target polygamists. If a married person "cohabits with" another person, or "purports to marry" another person, even if there is only one legal marriage license, it is considered a felony.

Plus, did you all see the Golden Globes tonight? Big Love was nominated for Best Drama but lost to Mad Men (which I also love!), and Chloe Sevigny won as Best Supporting Actress! She actually dedicated her award to her "sisterwives". :o)

Share with me your thoughts and favorite parts!

Big Love is Fun!

2010-01-13T20:13:00.000-08:00

From Margie's testimony about the family's new "endeavor", the Casino, to the reappearance of Roman Grant (who we know was murdered at the end of last season), the season opener was a blast, with plenty of quirky, interesting developments.

We watched it with several friends, some of whom are currently polygamous.

"Mana" (pronounced mauna in the show) is really pronounced "man-a" with a short A sound. We were all kind of like, "What did he say?" and it took a second to realize what it was.

Then when the FBI are drilling Nikki at her house, and Bill comes in, one of the agents asks Bill to admit that Nikki is his "spirit wife". I don't know anyone who uses that term, but it's not necessarily inaccurate for an outsider to use it and fail to understand that it isn't right.

I wonder how Bruce Wisan likes the characterization of his "role": the state appointed trustee of the Juniper Creek group's trust shares a liaison with Alby in the park prior to meeting him in person outside a court hearing as opponents -- and what a moment was THAT!

Favorite Parts:

Nikki finding Roman in the freezer and asking her mother if she killed him. Then later when Nikki pushes her way into Alby's office by "biting" Alby's devious wife. "I tried to stop her father, but she bit me!"

Alby is one of my favorite characters. When he learns from Nikki that their father is well and truly dead, his face brightens with such a glow of happiness, and an almost smile, that it was a highlight of the episode. "No, you be sad." Nikki tells Alby, before a crisp exchange between the two of them over who may have killed him.

Button, button, who's got the button? The writers found a clever way to keep resurrecting Roman and I am delighted.

It looks like it's going to be an engaging season.

Signing Off - For Now

2009-12-18T07:06:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I will not be posting for awhile. My life has taken a sharp turn and I no longer have the ability to maintain a blog, nor do I have the passion for it.

I am now a certified rape crisis counselor and a volunteer victim advocate and hope to continue to serve people in that capacity. I hope to continue to be available for crisis response/relief for members of the polygamous culture. I have a great love for the people from that culture, as well as the other people I serve who are from various backgrounds and walks of life.

I am changing jobs. I am no longer able to continue as director of Principle Voices. We've had a great year, but in this tough economic time, my family has been hit hard and I have to do everything I can to help meet our family needs.

So, I am saying goodbye. Truthfully, Twitter is far more functional for me right now, because short updates are all I can muster at this time. So, I will continue to try to post news or links, etc., of interest on Twitter.

Principle Voices is not going away. Anne Wilde will be the go-to person for resources from the organization. You can contact Anne at principlevoices at comcast.net.

Paper: Should Canada Criminalize Polygamy? (available on the Social Science Research Network)

2009-12-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

A very good, very interesting paper. Recommended reading. Here is the abstract below.

Enjoy, Mary

**********

Should Canada Criminalize Polygamy?

Martha Bailey
Queen's University - Faculty of Law

November 19, 2009

Abstract:
The question addressed in this paper is whether, in addition to the marriage laws, which do not permit polygamy, and the criminal prohibition of bigamy, Canada should also retain the criminal provision on polygamy, which outlaws the practice of carrying on a conjugal relationship with more than one person. This paper argues that the provision is unnecessary to protect Canada's cultural commitment to monogamy, that it is problematically broad, and that it is not an effective tool in protecting the public interest or preventing harms to women and children.

Keywords: marriage, monogamy, polygamy, criminal law, closed communities, child protection, gender equality, immigrationmpaw

JEL Classifications: K00, K42

Working Paper Series
Date posted: November 21, 2009 ; Last revised: November 24, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving & Black Friday

2009-11-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

I spent the night at my parents' house Wednesday with my sister.

Our Thanksgiving dinner Thursday was fantastic. My mom and sister made 10 pies, chocolate, vanilla, pumpkin and pecan for dessert, as well as a rainbow Jello dessert with cream cheese filing and crushed pineapple that is a long-time family tradition. We had turkey, potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry sauce and yams, and a whole bunch of piping hot, homemade butterhorn rolls that are from my grandmother's recipe that came to our family from a Swedish great-grandma.

We enjoyed some family home movies from when we were little kids; footage of us when we lived in Alaska and California. I was seven in Alaska, and I remembered a lot of the scenery and things. We were at Disneyland hugging Mickey Mouse. There were a couple different Christmases on there, too, from three different houses over a period of several years. My brothers and sister were so tiny and cute. There was even one shot of us walking through Tiajuana and picking out sombreros for boys and dolls for us girls. Our choice in the selection!

It was really a nice holiday.

On a different note, I'm looking forward to a new day, and a new direction in my work. Hoping for the best even though times are tough!

God bless you all and your families as we head into the Christmas season.

Mary ~

Good Shots of the Utah State Supreme Court Appeal for Warren Jeffs

2009-11-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

Check out these photos from Trent Nelson's website. He is the Salt Lake Tribune photographer.

Legal Analysis: Texas Polygamy and Child Welfare

2009-10-14T08:27:00.001-07:00

This is a REALLY GOOD paper, available at the Social Science Research Network:

Texas Polygamy and Child Welfare

Martin Guggenheim
New York University School of Law

September 17, 2009

Houston Law Review, Vol. 46, No. 3, 2009

Abstract:
This article explains why the child welfare process was used in the 2008 San Angelo, Texas raid on the FLDS community which resulted in the removal of more than 400 children from their families. It argues that the criminal justice system, not the child welfare system, should be the preferred means by which state officials attempt to prevent the practice of polygamy. The criminal justice system contains many more time honored protections of civil liberties than the child welfare system. In addition, using the child welfare system contains one additional danger: the contamination and expansion of child welfare law to permit coercive intervention, authorizing state officials to remove children from families based on notions of morality. The article suggests that the ultimate danger of the San Angelo raid is that child welfare interventions will become too much about the (mis)behavior of parents, with a particular emphasis on conduct that is criminal or "immoral," and too little about what should always remain the central inquiry: whether children are in danger.

Keywords: polygamy, child welfare, children's rights, criminal law

Working Paper Series
Date posted: October 12, 2009 ; Last revised: October 12, 2009

Polygamy Conference News

2009-09-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

Here is the video for the Fox 13 Now news coverage of the Family or Felony? Polygamy and the Law Conference

and here is where the article is.

The Salt Lake Tribune reported about the conference here.

I would just like to clarify some things that may not be clear from the news pieces above:

The legal conference brought together a variety of viewpoints, prosecutorial, defense, family law, historical, etc. The intention of the conference was to generate a dialogue and open discussion of opposing perspectives regarding polygamy and the law, and based on the feedback forms and the feedback we received in person and by email, I feel we achieved that. One speaker specifically presented on the topic of decriminalization, but some speakers presented the opposing view to that.

Thank you to everyone who participated and attended. :o)

UPDATE: Charges DROPPED against Canadian Polygamists

2009-09-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

Read the RULING posted on Brooke Adams' Salt Lake Tribune Plural Life blog, and here's the article about it at the Salt Lake Tribune.

Robert Matas is reporting for the Globe and Mail that the polygamy charges against Winston Blackmore and Jimmy Oler have been dropped. The decision came down today:

"B.C. Supreme Court Judge Sunni Stromberg-Stein decided that former attorney-general Wally Oppal did not have the authority to have lawyer Terry Robertson appointed as a special prosecutor after a previous special prosecutor had refused to prosecute the two men.

Mr. Robertson's appointment was contrary to the law and Mr. Robertson's decision to proceed with the prosecution “was therefore unlawful,” the judge wrote in a 34-page decision released today."

Amen and Amen!!!

My love and best wishes go the families of these men.

I have met both Winston and Jimmy, but have not had the pleasure of meeting any of Jimmy's family. Several years ago, my colleagues and I visited B.C. and spent time with some of Winston's wives personally; they opened their homes to us and showed us around Bountiful (very beautiful and alight with color). I know them to be genuinely warm, kind, intelligent, compassionate women.

What is a Real Man?

2009-09-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

I've been taking a 40-hour rape crisis training, and it has had a powerful impact on me. I'm going to be blogging a little about some of the things I've learned.

One of the most shocking things I learned was that "rape" is largely a crime committed by acquaintances rather than strangers. As a woman, I am always attentive to where I am, who is around me, checking the back-seat of my car before I get in, locking doors, etc. I am not going to stop doing those things that make me feel emotionally and physically safer, but I fully understand that crime is arbitrary, and victims of crime are deprived of their free will, safety and personal control when they are violated. That means that there is only so much a person can do to protect him or herself from a perpetrator. Ultimately, the perpetrator is the ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP A RAPE (crime). The perpetrator is choosing the violence; the victim is deprived of choice.

I've had some people say to me that they thought the movie, Taken, was a great film because they really related with the father taking action to protect his daughter. I agree it was entertaining and ultimately satisfying because it feels good to see an expression of strength and power acted out against a heinous injustice. However, my issue with the movie is that the theme is that violence is justified (and indeed, the only remedy) to fight violence. At the same time, so many movies display violence as the only means of resolving challenges that we do not realize what we are teaching people about power and how to exhibit it in our relationships in healthy and not destructive ways.

Every relationship, EVERY ONE, has power balances/imbalances. Some people respond aggressively when their personal power becomes threatened; some people respond with violence when they feel threatened. Some people only feel comfortable when they dominate other people. Opposing opinions challenging their point of view or their belief system will provoke a mighty reaction designed to shut down that threat.

On the other hand, some people know how to share power and create relationships where power balances are more even. When I speak as a feminist, or an advocate of equality, this is what I refer to. Violence in response to violence is in my opinion a continuation and perpetuation of efforts to dominate others through force, threat, fear, etc.

Rape is an act of power and control, and sex is the tool that is used to subjugate, humiliate and dominate the victim. It is unfortunately glamorized, and sexualized, in the media, in movies and in advertising, with imagery that promotes male dominance and objectifies women. However, women are not the only victims of rape; men are also victims of rape. (98% of male perpetrators are heterosexual males, btw, which further affirms rape as a crime of power and dominance rather than sex.)

There are two very powerful videos I would like to share with everyone. I watched them during my training in an environment where I was able to share my feelings with others in the training, in a way that helped me work through any feelings of anger, upset, etc.

After watching Tough Guise, I realized that I haven't done a good job of validating the sweet, kind, respectful, nurturing, compassionate qualities of the men in my life. I came home, hugged my man, and let him know in no uncertain terms how much I value his sensitivity, his generosity, his thoughtfulness and kindness. I LOVE that he allows himself to be soft and tender, and I have the deepest respect for the fact that he is vulnerable to me.

So, with that in mind, I have a few questions for you all to think about:

How do we define manhood & masculinity? Are we allowing media constructs to define masculinity as violent?

Do we nurture the sensitive, compassionate, gentle qualities of the men in our lives? Do we respect our men when they show vulnerability? How are we raising our sons to honor themselves and the women in their lives? Was does it mean to be a "man", to be "masculine"?

Here's the video: Tough Guise

This next video is Killing Us Softly 3, by Jean Kilbourne. This video was more disturbing and unsettling for me because of the offensiveness of some of the images she included as examples of how violence against women are glamorized and propagated in modern advertising. How can a constant bombardment of these images NOT in some way influence how we view ourselves (regardless of gender), or how we subconsciously or consciously feel we are expected to behave by those around us?

Warning, not for the easily offended. This video is more graphic, and there is some brief nudity, disturbing images and blunt language. I have to admit, after I saw this video, I definitely felt, "Men Suck," but now I'm feeling better. Just the sucky men suck.

Killing Us Softly 3, Jean Kilbourne:

Mormon Stories - Women in the LDS Church - A Gift Given, A Gift Taken: Washing, Anointing, and Blessing the Sick Among Mormon Women

2009-09-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

You can listen to this podcast at this link: 067: Women in the LDS Church Part 11 – A Gift Given, A Gift Taken: Washing, Anointing, and Blessing the Sick Among Mormon Women

I haven't listened all the way through, but I am familiar with the topic, as addressed in Sunstone articles, etc., and it has always been very interesting.

Utah Virtual Academy - to Homeschool, Public School or Some Variation Thereof

2009-09-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I have had my children in public school for several years and prior to that, I homeschooled my oldest four children through preschool through the 3rd grade, and some of the older grades depending upon the needs of my children.

This year, my son Tristan and I decided to try the K12 program, which is available through the Utah Virtual Academy. It is offered through the public school system, so you get public school credit. You also get all of your books and materials provided to you, and some students qualify for a computer, printer and other items if they need one (on loan from the school system for the school year).

My son has struggled in public school, and found homeschooling boring and lonely, but he is LOVING the UTVA online program. There are social gatherings, clubs and field trips for kids to become socially involved with other UTVA students and their families. Because I work, it is challenging for me to participate in many social interactions during the daytime hours, but I have scheduled in the field trips and look forward to the school year.

The biggest change I have experienced with my son is he is taking responsibility for his school work. I don't have to chase him down. I do have to supervise and keep him focused on work, because the distractions of home (and of the gaming opportunities on the computer and internet) are so appealing, but he is doing very well. He likes that a lot of his school work is ON the computer, which is where he wants to be. He doesn't want to be sitting at a desk working out of work books. Also, we are going to start morning walks and hopefully move them into jogs as part of his physical fitness. I love having a buddy to walk with.

When we homeschooled, the financial obligation was high. We always looked for inexpensive ways to obtain materials, through the library, through creative exploration such as nature journals, etc, but the UTVA program is FREE. I was wary at first because I was concerned that the books would be awful, but so far I really like what I see.

We are only finishing our second week. It's been a little overwhelming adjusting, but frankly, it is a lot easier than what I have done in the past. The UTVA program sets up your schedule for you, breaks up the lessons and materials for each lesson and charts your course. I was really resistant to that part of the program. I like my autonomy and setting up my own schedule, etc., but I must say that this has become the most appealing aspect of the program. You can do your lessons any time of the day you want, and if you skip a lesson, it moves back to the next day that particular class is scheduled (such as science is only scheduled for two days each week). You can make it up anytime you want, though it is not recommended to allow too many lessons to fall behind.

My son says that he loves the UTVA, and it is 100 x's better than homeschool BECAUSE of the structure. We had structure before, but he particularly likes the structure provided to him by having his schedule on the computer, where he is accountable to me and a third party (his teacher). He signs on to his own account (I have a separate account), and reviews his daily schedule, and every time he completes a lesson, it is marked complete. He has regular assessments, all on the computer, and an occasional hand-written assignment he needs to submit by scanning and faxing to his teacher, and those assignments will be saved in a portfolio for the end of the year. I mark his attendance at the completion of his lessons.

He has a really cool Spanish language program, too, which is entirely online and somewhat interactive, plus he does "Study Island", which is a series of tests that are intended to be math review quizzes for regular practice and speed.

I highly recommend UTVA. I will send another review of the program later in the school year. So far, Tristan and I both give two thumbs up and I really wish I'd done this program with my older boys who struggled all through their middle school and high school years, and for whom we paid a lot of $ to put into a correspondence course for high school curriculum and a diploma.

I just wanted to share my experience with the other parents, and would love to hear from others about these same things, positive or negative.

S.J. Quinney College of Law Paper - "Kidnapped from that Land II: A Comparison of Two Raids to Save the Children from the Polygamists"

2009-08-31T07:15:00.001-07:00

You can download this paper here.

Here is the abstract:

Kidnapped from that Land II: A Comparison of Two Raids to Save the Children from the Polygamists

Linda F. Smith
University of Utah - S.J. Quinney College of Law

August, 27 2009

Abstract:

In the spring on 2008 America watched as over 400 children were removed from their polygamist parents on the Yearning for Zion Ranch in rural west Texas. That raid was eerily reminiscent of the Short Creek Raid of 1953, meant to rescue the children from the same polygamist group in Arizona and Utah. This article compares and contrasts the two raids in light of changes to child protection law in the intervening years. Despite advances in our understanding of child development and in our respect for constitutional rights, the Texas raid repeated and compounded the mistakes of the Short Creek raid. Ultimately the article explores why child protection laws are inappropriately used to attempt the rescue of children from authoritarian religions.

Keywords: child protection, child welfare, polygamy, religion
Working Paper Series
Date posted: August 28, 2009 ; Last revised: August 28, 2009
Suggested Citation

Smith, Linda F.,Kidnapped from that Land II: A Comparison of Two Raids to Save the Children from the Polygamists(August, 27 2009). Available at SSRN: http://ssrn.com/abstract=1463013

Primer Seeks to Break Down Stereotypes of Polygamy

2009-08-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Primer Seeks To Break Down Sterotypes Of Polygamy
JENNIFER DOBNER, Associated Press Writer
Aug 23, 2009 11:11 am US/Mountain

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) ― Utah's polygamous families have helped create a revamped guidebook called The Primer that they hope will help combat what they consider to be myths and stereotypes about their culture.

The 65-page booklet is designed to give social workers, police and other service providers a better understanding of the tenets of polygamist's beliefs, unique family structures and even their language.

"We're going to continue to have those situations, but that doesn't mean that we can sit by when we are perceived incorrectly and not speak up," said Anne Wilde of Salt Lake City, a plural wife for 33 years and now a widow. "By having a primer that has our input and expresses things the way we want to have them expressed I think is very helpful. It gives us a voice."

Bigamy is illegal in Utah and Arizona, where most of the Intermountain West's polygamists live. But Utah authorities have rarely prosecuted adults, focusing instead on crimes involving women and children.

Historically, fear of prosecution has kept most plural families from seeking public services. When they did, service providers often tried to "rescue" them from their religion, Wilde and other polygamists say.

Released last week at a training conference, the Primer was produced by the Safety Net Committee, an outreach program working with polygamous communities and public and private service agencies in Utah and Arizona. The guide is an updated version of one produced in 2005 by the Utah Attorney General's office.

Polygamists believed the first Primer unfairly portrayed them as victims trapped in religious groups where abuse permeated the culture.

The rewrite sought to find more neutral language and to show that plural families face many of the same challenges as other families. In drafting the new version polygamous groups were asked to clarify or correct information about their specific cultural practices, Safety Net Committee Coordinator Pat Merkley said.

The Primer's information also includes a history of polygamy in the Intermountain West, a glossary of terms and concepts, and a description of the various groups and their respective leadership structures.

"I think we're speaking in their language and in their terms," she said. "This is the best work we could possibly do. It's as neutral as it could be, and people are still not going to like part of it."

The information from polygamous groups is balanced against input from critics of the culture, definitions of abuse and an overview of the Utah and Arizona laws that make polygamy illegal.

Still, just having it makes a difference, said Merkley, a licensed social worker who had no such blueprint when she first began working with plural families some 20 years ago.

"It would have made me be culturally sensitive and aware and alert," she said. "When I did work with plural families it was a challenge to even know the language they were speaking."

Among the terms and practices defined in the Primer:

— Reassignment: The practice of giving an excommunicated man's wives and children to another man. Some polgyamists believe wives and children belong to the church, not the husband.

— Law of Placement: A type of arranged marriage that sometimes has involved underage girls. Couples are matched by church leaders after consultation with parents. Currently leaders of all the major group have denounced underage marraige.

— United Order: A system of communal living that calls for families to share their earning and serve others in the community.

Terms and practices can also vary depending on which polygamous group a family is from, said Mary Batchelor, a Safety Net committee member, who with Wilde founded the polygamy advocacy group Principle Voices.

"I don't think there was a single word or single sentence that did not get argued," Batchelor said of the new guide. "I think there's always still the risk that (the information) can stereotype people, so we stress that it's really important to ask individuals families, 'Does this apply to you?'"

Polygamy across the Intermountain West is a legacy of the early Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which brought the practice to Utah in 1847. The Mormon church abandoned plural marriage in 1890 as Utah pushed for statehood and now excommunicates those who advocate or practice the principle. Fundamentalists continue to believe polygamy is essential for exaltation in the next life.

A survey by Principle Voices found an estimated 37,000 self-described Mormon fundamentalists live across the Intermountain West and western Canada who either live or believe in polygamy.

Most don't affiliate with any group, but the Primer identifies 11 distinct polygamous communities ranging in size from about 150 to 10,000.

"I think it's appropriate to call us a culture," said Batchelor, whose own plural family was fractured by a divorce. "This guide is going to be a really good resource for people willing to check their biases at the door and treat clients from polygamy like clients from any other culture."

The New Safety Net Primer is Released!

2009-08-18T11:36:00.001-07:00

The new Primer has been released by the Utah & AZ Safety Net. The Primer can be viewed online on the Utah Attorney General's website.

The Primer is "A Guidebook for Law Enforcement and Human Services Agencies who offer Assistance to Fundamentalist Mormon Families".

We are very excited to see the updated version available as a resource for service providers and those in law enforcement. It was a great deal of effort (a full time job for some!) and we congratulate the Safety Net team on the finished product.

I have added a permanent link to the Primer on the left menu bar under Services and Resources.

To My Husband ~

2009-08-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

I do not claim to be a poet, but I do appreciate good poetry. I dedicate the following to my husband, who is my true love:

Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

*****

My delight and thy delight
Walking, like two angels white,
In the gardens of the night:

My desire and thy desire
Twinning to a tongue of fire,
Leaping live, and laughing higher;
Thro' the everlasting strife
In the mystery of life.

Love, from whom the world begun,
Hath the secret of the sun.

Love can tell and love alone,
Whence the million stars are strewn,
Why each atom knows its own,
How, in spite of woe and death,
Gay is life, and sweet is breath:

This he taught us, this we knew,
Happy in his science true,
Hand in hand as we stood
'Neath the shadows of the wood,
Heart to heart as we lay
In the dawning of the day.

~ Robert Bridges

*****

This is to the crown and blessing of my life,
The much loved husband of a happy wife;
To him whose constant passion found the art
To win a stubborn and ungrateful heart,
And to the world by tenderest proof discovers
They err, who say that husbands can't be lovers.
With such return of passion, as is due,
Daphnis I love, Daphinis my thoughts pursue;
Daphnis, my hopes and joys are bounded all in you.
Even I, for Daphnis' and my promise' sake,
What I in woman censure, undertake.
But this from love, not vanity proceeds;
You know who writes, and I who 'tis that reads.
Judge not my passion by my want of skill:
Many love well, though they express it ill;
And I your censure could with pleasure bear,
Would you but soon return, and speak it here.

To A Husband
Anne Finch

Open Mic Night with Kingston Families - Cool!

2009-08-02T09:09:00.001-07:00

My family was invited to participate in a Kingston family open mic night a few days ago. It was really fun!

Seriously, I expected maybe 40 people, but there were over a 100 people there of all ages, but mostly teens.

Now I've been to a few of their family picnics and I can tell you there were hundreds of people at those things, and the kids just have a blast.

They have barbecues, used clothing exchanges, snow cones, talent shows, "battle of the bands", choir performances, games. It's really been fun, even though we are outsiders and most of the people there don't know who we are (and probably think some kooky neighbors have wandered over for the activities!).

On the night of "open mic", I was really surprised and impressed with the number of talented teenagers who took the stage and played their own instruments, many of whom had even written their own music & lyrics. Most of them played the guitar, and there were some bands with electric guitars and drums, and some teens sang with karaoke music.

It was modern music, a mixture of pop and rock. There was an encouraging, supportive and friendly spirit to the crowd. Everyone cheered for everyone else. The teens were boisterous and the parents beaming with pride.

There were some other independents there. A daughter of one plural family we love and admire is a very talented performer, and she played the guitar for herself as she sang a couple of songs.

My husband and I sang "The Prayer" near the end, feeling a little out of place, but the teens were as boisterous and supportive of our song as they were for their own, and many complimented us afterward and asked where they could find the music. Our teens had competing work and social calendars so they didn't attend, but I'm going to insist they get the night free next time and participate.

It was a blast and I can't think of a more encouraging and supportive environment for kids to practice singing, playing guitar, and performing than that family event!

Peaceful Protest at Matheson Courthouse July 29

2009-07-28T23:08:00.000-07:00

July 29, 2009

Friends,

The FLDS are gathering in peaceful protest outside the Matheson courthouse on Wednesday, July 29th, at 9 a.m., in response to Judge Lindberg's rulings last week that threw out the settlement agreement proposals mediated between the FLDS and the Utah Attorney General's office. Principle Voices is not taking a position on the Berry Knoll sale to be addressed in the hearing.

This issue is much bigger, and has far reaching implications for all who embrace plural marriage.

Principle Voices opposes:

1) any ruling that deprives polygamists of the right to organize or manage a trust with their own assets.

2) any ruling that declares a trust formed by polygamists as "promoting illegal activities", "invalid", un-Constitutional, or "illegal", simply because the organizers embrace plural marriage.

3) any ruling that deprives the FLDS (or any other polygamists) of the right to access their own assets or their right to self-governance. (By extension, substitute the name of any other group such as the Kingstons or the AUB, etc., in place of FLDS; we oppose any ruling or government action that would deprive any of those communities of their rights.)

4) any ruling or government action that establishes an inequity in the law that distinguishes, and diminishes, the rights of polygamists from the rights of other American citizens.

This is an historic and potentially life-changing event for our families and communities. Principle Voices and representatives of several polygamous communities will join the FLDS July 29, to show our support and stand in opposition to this travesty.

Mary Batchelor
Director

Anne Wilde
Community/media relations

principlevoices at comcast.net

UEP Trust "Promotes Polygamy"???

2009-07-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

Judge Lindberg's ruling quoted below in the Salt Lake Tribune's plural life blog asserts that because the FLDS openly "promulgate" "plural marriage", the UEP trust (which the FLDS created and funded for decades and which is now under court oversight) violates "basic trust law". She states that "a trust to promote polygamy is illegal".

I would understand her assertion, if it were actually true that the UEP trust was created to "promote polygamy". However, the UEP trust was organized to provide a common economic order for its beneficiaries to live within, an ideology espoused and practiced by early Mormons as "consecration". The UEP trust was not designed specifically to "promote polygamy", but to support those who organized and funded it, many of whom believed in and practiced polygamy as one tenet of their faith.

Let me ask a few questions:
If someone practices polygamy and is employed as a construction worker, is the employing construction company guilty of promulgating the practice of polygamy by paying the employee for his work? If a person is a polygamist and creates a business, is that business promoting polygamy because its owner generates income from it to support his/her family?

If a trust is considered invalid, does the state have the right to seize it, govern it and thereby dominate and subjugate the individuals who organized and funded the trust? If a trust is declared invalid, shouldn't it simply be dissolved and the assets revert back to original ownership (or as close to it as possible)? Does the state or any court have the power to absorb private trust assets or give them to other people, based on the fact that the state and/or court do not approve of the beliefs and or practices of the organizers or beneficiaries of said trust?

If a person is convicted of a crime, let's say a felony crime, does that person lose his/her right to property ownership? to inheritance? to life insurance? to any claim of trust assets? No, unless the money came as a direct result of the crime; a convicted criminal is not allowed to financially benefit from a crime. So if someone murders someone else and writes a book about it, he would not be permitted to get rich off of his crime and subsequent retelling of it.

While people who practice polygamy are not being charged and convicted with bigamy so long as they are consenting adults, their practice of polygamy is being used as a weapon against them in a variety of surreptitious and sinister ways in many aspects of their lives. (In fact, even a mere belief in polygamy is sufficient for some to justify harassment, vandalism, discrimination and other abuses upon an individual or a family...)

Business ownership, employment, property rights, inheritance rights, rentals, public assistance... what's next?

Interpretations of rental laws that encourage landlords to deny renting to anyone who might be guilty of a crime? After all, if they rent to a polygamist or to a plural wife, are they in some way supporting polygamy by giving polygamists a place to live? Next it'll be that employers can't hire polygamists because the company would be guilty of funding a polygamist family (for such horrendous things as enabling polygamous parents to put food on the table, buy their children clothing, house their family, access medical care, etc.), or realtors will be unwilling to sell property to a polygamist for fear that they are conspiring in the promotion of polygamy, or helping a polygamist enter a neighborhood...

If the argument is that trust $ were used to traffic women or something, that is different from polygamy. It is certainly different from a trust providing support to families to meet their day to day food, clothing, shelter, medical, dental, etc., needs.

How far will these laws be stretched to injure polygamous families?

MPB

************

THE UEP SAGA . . .
The Plural Life Blog, Salt Lake Tribune
Posted on July 23, 2009, 10:28 am, by Brooke, under United Effort Plan (UEP).

In her ruling on the UEP Trust yesterday, 3rd District Judge Denise Lindberg made this comment:

“Furthermore, distributing the land to the FLDS church violates basic trust law. The FLDS openly promulgate the practice of plural marriage and under previous Trust administration by FLDS leadership, trust assets were allegedly used in furtherance of this illegal practice.”

She then cites the “Restatement (Second) of Trusts, at 371 Comment (e):

“A trust to promote a religious organization or doctrine is invalid if it is criminal or against public policy. Thus, a trust to promote polygamy is illegal, even though the belief in polygamy is one of the tenets of a religious sect.”

That comment should have caught the attention of polygamous groups throughout Utah and Arizona; most, if not all, operate property trusts.

Please follow this link for the rest of this blog entry at the Salt Lake Tribune's Plural Life blog.

Legal Conference: Family or Felony? Polygamy and the Law

2009-07-14T08:06:00.001-07:00

Principle Voices is pleased to announce our first legal conference:

Please join us!

Principle Voices Decries Brutal Murders of American Citizens in Mexico

2009-07-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

We have been shocked and devastated to hear of the brutal murders of Benjamin LeBaron (32) and Luis Widmar (29), both American citizens and fathers of five young children each.

Benjamin had the courage to speak out against crime when his brother Eric was kidnapped. Luis came to help him when armed men forced their way into Benjamin's home and attacked him. Both men were killed and left on the road nearby a cemetery.

These men were not polygamists, but they were associated with settlements founded by polygamous LeBaron families. They showed courage and character in their lives; their families deserve respect and support.

For the most part, they have been treated that way, primarily by the media who have reported on the murders with care. Occasionally there has been a report here and there that maligned the victims and their families because of their polygamous background, and that was unacceptable. Even had these men been polygamists, their beliefs or the beliefs/lifestyle of other members of their community, have NOTHING to do with the fact that they were victims of a horrific crime. From what we've been told by family and friends, they were good men, and beloved husbands and fathers, and will be greatly missed.

I have said on my blog many times that fundamentalist Mormons (and those practicing polygamy) need and deserve the same access to services, law enforcement help and support as anyone else. They are victims of crime like everyone else. I know people who've had their cars stolen, their homes and vehicles vandalized, their identities stolen; they've been victims of assault, burglary, domestic violence, abuse, etc., primarily from people not affiliated with the culture, but sometimes from within, too.

This is why we work actively with the Safety Net, and why we advocate for understanding and education for service providers, law enforcement, government and non-government entities. Sometimes a police officer will be called to the home of a polygamist who has been a victim of a crime. It may be the husband, a wife, or one of the children who has been victimized. If the offender is not a member of their own family, or another polygamist, THEIR own family arrangement should NOT be made an issue.

If you are a service provider, a victim advocate, a social worker, a therapist, or are affiliated with law enforcement, please consider attending the Safety Net Clinical Training, to be held at the University of Utah on August 17th, 2009.

Plural Family Q&A on Salt Lake Tribune's Plural Life Blog

2009-07-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

Great Q&A on Salt Lake Tribune's Plural Life blog. This is an awesome family that is part of the AUB community (Allred group). LOVE THEM!!!

Safety Net Clinical Training

2009-06-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

This is the way to help people:

The Safety Net is hosting a clinical training August 17th, at the University of Utah college of social work, that will provide 7 social work CEU's:

The 1st Annual Safety Net Clinical Training Conference: Building Bridges of Safety, Collaboration, Education and Outreach; Working with Polygamous Family Systems, a Culturally Guided Approach to Service Provision.

Principle Voices actively supports the Utah/Arizona Safety Net and encourages every service provider, shelter worker, victim's advocate, therapist, and anyone else who may at some point find themselves working with a plural family, to attend this clinical training.

You can see the flyer for this training at the Plural Life link: Safety Net. The sponsor of this event is The Family Support Center, a fantastic organization that serves families in crisis, poverty, etc., to "protect children, strengthen families and prevent child abuse."

If you are interested in a registration form, send an email request to Pat.merkley at familysupportcenter.org.

Cardiology Visit Went Well

2009-06-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

Great news on Friday - My daughter's heart has not worsened. The good news is that her heart appears to be stable and we even got better news: one of her heart valves is growing the way it should, and that valve is apparently the one that would be a harder repair. The other valve will likely need to be repaired/replaced in time, but is currently doing well. That valve is an "easier" repair, according to the cardiologist. She was pretty happy, and we are elated.

Holly got two tokens at the hospital, to use in the toy machines. She got a little silver necklace and a leather bracelet. She let her little sister wear one all day yesterday, which made her feel very special.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes. :o)

Pediatric Cardiology Check-Up for Our Daughter Holly

2009-06-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

My daughter Holly has a cardiology check-up Friday morning. She is now being seen every six months instead of every year because her cardiologist noticed a negative trend in her blood flow of her pulmonary artery. I admit I am worried. We've had good news for years from her doctors, even clearly some that surprised her doctors, and the last two appointments haven't been as easy.

My cardiologist and pediatrician have had to give me bad news before, some that left me crying. I hate to cry in front of my doctors; they're so wonderful, though, so professional and at the same time warm and calm. They deliver their news in a way that the blow is gentle even when it hurts.

At the last visit to the cardiologist, we were told that she was going to need another heart surgery. We always knew that was a possibility, but were happy and un-threatened every year she received glowing reports from her cardiology visits.

Holly was born with tetralogy of fallot, which is a specific heart condition only seen in people who have down syndrome (I've been told). She had four holes in her heart, a partially formed valve, a narrow pulmonary artery and her right ventricle was smaller than her left (a 60/40 [left/right] comparison).

Holly at 6 months, 1998:
She had open heart surgery at a year old. The surgeon used some of her own tissue, and some donor tissue, to reconstruct her valve, and repair the holes. He reconstructed the valve in a manner that created a better balance between the two ventricles than 60/40.

Throughout her first year, she needed oxygen initially at nights, then steadily more often until she was on oxygen round the clock. After surgery, she dramatically improved and went on oxygen only when she got pneumonia shortly after her surgery, or when she has been very sick over the years.

Holly with daddy the day of surgery, right before sedation, Oct. 1998:

Prior to her surgery, there were times when her arms and legs would become "mottled," with a slight purpling. Initially, she was hospitalized for observation. They told me she had "sluggish" blood; her circulation was slow. Well, what was happening was her heart had to work twice (or four times) as hard to pump oxygen into her body as normal.

We learned that Holly has long lungs (and an enlarged heart), a fact every x-ray technician appreciates being told (saving each one from having to repeat the x-ray for failure to capture all of the lungs).

Holly has never had to go on medication. When she got cellulitis a couple of years ago, she had a hard battle fighting that infection. Her cardiologist was out of the country at the time we went in to the hospital. The cardiologist on call who took her case immediately wanted to put her on heart medication, even though I explained to him that her regular cardiologist had not felt it was necessary. He wanted to send her home on it, too, along with her IV antibiotics (she had to be on those for over 8 weeks, round the clock). I resented sending her home on heart medication because she had never needed it before, and I wasn't convinced she needed it now on a permanent basis. Thankfully, shortly before we went home, Holly's cardiologist returned from her trip, and visited her at the hospital before we went home. She determined she didn't need the medication and cut it.

At Holly's last cardiology visit, we were told to watch for significant signs of heart issues. I was thinking, "shortness of breath" or breathing struggles, but the cardiologist said we needed to watch for any complaint of chest pain.

Holly hasn't complained of anything like that. She has had a cold the last few weeks and I've noticed the "mottling" again on and off, too. It happens occasionally when the seasons change and she gets cold, or when she's not drinking enough water. I can usually remedy it fairly rapidly if I pump in the fluids.

I'm genuinely nervous about Friday's visit. The cardiologist has said that they won't do another open heart surgery until the risks of not doing the surgery outweigh the risks of doing the surgery. It all sounds pretty terrifying to me, but I've been there before and I've faced this fear with my children many times when they've been sick.

The image that keeps coming into my mind is of her recovery shortly after surgery. She was in the PICU, with all kinds of tubes and wires all over her body. She was lying in her crib sleeping, which was the only time I felt I could sneak out to the go to the bathroom or grab something to it (when my husband or parents weren't there).

Holly, in PICU after heart surgery, with 4 IVs, 2 pacemaker connections, 3 drainage tubes, and 3 respirator tubes in mouth and nose; Oct 1, 1998, day of surgery:
Her crib was the first one you could see as you walked in the PICU doors. I left to get some lunch, and when I came back, Holly was sitting up with a nurse holding her and checking her vitals. Holly saw me and reached her arms out to me. I can't remember if she called out to me; I would have to look through my journal to remember if she was actually talking at that point.

All I know is that that moment said MOM in such an amazing way.

It's not the only time she has touched me so deeply. Her sweet spirit reached out to me before she was born, when I was pregnant with her. I was six months along when we found out she had tetralogy of fallot, and likely down syndrome. We were pretty shaken up, and after my husband headed back to work, I drove myself home in tears, and kept asking myself if we had done something to cause this to her, to inflict this condition on her. At the time, there was a possibility she wouldn't survive at birth, but that was just the beginning of her brushes with death.

I cried and cried, and then there was just a flash of knowledge in my mind, and I knew it was her: "I chose this body." It was just like that, this impression into my mind that was very firm, "I CHOSE this body," followed with, "You are my mom, stand up for me."

It came from her. It changed everything for me. I felt my responsibility as her mother to look out for my baby, to fight for her life and look out for her rights as a child with special needs (don't all our children have "special" needs, anyway? They're not clones of each other!)

I knew she had down syndrome, even though we didn't get the test until after she was born, and it didn't mean anything to me in the least. She wasn't broken or inflicted or cursed. She has down syndrome.

Holly is one of the most genuine, guileless, loving, gracious, thoughtful, talented human beings I have ever met. I have always felt that she brought faith into our family, faith and hope, and a reminder to slow down and pay attention to what is really important.

I don't want to lose her. I pray that all will be well, and that we will face whatever comes with courage and faith, and love.

Holly & her brother playing with the laundry 9 months after surgery, July 1999:

Holly in Moab in 2006:

That was fun - and Kris WON!

2009-05-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Kris Allen for sweeping American Idol the last several weeks.

That was a great show. I really liked the top three this year, especially, and enjoyed the stars they brought out to sing with them tonight.

This is one of those shows we watch as a family, and it's been a fun season for us.

Kara DioGuardi Steals Bakini Girl's Thunder!!!

2009-05-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed when Kara showed up behind Bakini Girl to show off her fantastic, polished singing. Our family erupted with cheers, and laughed our heads off when she ripped open her dress.

Way to go, Kara!

Adam Lambert for American Idol

2009-05-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

My absolute favorite song ever on sung on any American Idol is Adam Lambert's version of Mad World (based on the slow version by Gears of War). Believe me, I've had some favorites on American Idol in past seasons, particularly some of the clever versions of the last few seasons (David Cook & David Archuletta come to mind...). I already liked the Tears for Fears version song when I was in high school, and I discovered the Gears of War version a few years ago. When I heard Adam's version, I LOVED it! (My husband, on the other hand, hates it. Go figure.)

Here it is:

Here is the Gears of War version (the original video with children rearranging themselves into images on the sidewalk:

The Tears for Fears version:

Funny how I really liked that Tears for Fears version when I was a teen, but now that I'm 40, not so much.

I sure appreciated Adam's cover of it. That is one I would buy. Good luck to both competitors. Kris is immensely talented (and I have to admit that I probably would enjoy listening to Kris more often), but Adam is out of the ballpark.

Child Support

2009-05-15T17:27:00.001-07:00

There has been a lot of discussion lately about child support, in response to news reports that Carolyn Jessop has filed a child support action against the father of her children, Merrill. I have been reading the blogs but I haven't had time to familiarize myself with the specific details/issues of their particular circumstances, and I'm not sure I care to.

I was a legal secretary for years and I can tell you that in general, "men" resist/resent child support and "women" resist granting visitations. I say this is the case in general because obviously it isn't true across the board, but it is a common problem the courts are consistently dealing with. This is why we have the Office of Recovery Services to collect child support directly from the paychecks of non-custodial parents, and why some legislators have tried to create laws to punish custodial parents (most often mothers) for persistently denying, or interfering with, visitations.

I don't have any knowledge about child custody matters or child support with FLDS families, divorces, separations, etc., but clearly they are going to have some of the same problems that exist in the larger society, exacerbated by the fact that there is such a great divide between their world and ours.

On the blogs, for the most part, people have done pretty well discussing the issue without stereotyping all plural families, but there is still a tendency to paint all polygamists with the same brush (and all FLDS...), and frankly, some personalities blatantly encourage it. Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time giving any credibility to arguments that polygamy is to blame for "societal" ills that already permeate society as a whole, and which are found throughout monogamous families.

My experience with plural families is that you find a lot of diversity in how they deal with life's twists and turns, just like you find a great deal of diversity among monogamous families in larger society. You find good parents, nurturing and loving parents, and you find some not so good ones. You find fathers who are very involved in their families and with their children, and fathers who aren't. You find divorce and the challenges of divorce. You find fathers who work hard to provide for their children, who pay child support as best they can, and some who do more than that, and you find fathers who shirk it, and actively try to avoid it.

I believe parents have an obligation to support and care for their children, and no father is entitled to shirk that obligation.

Here are some basic facts about child support:

It is for the support and care of the child, and cannot be waived by either parent; it is considered the child's right. The child has a right to be supported by both parents.

Nowadays, both parents are expected to pay child support toward the care and maintenance of the child if both parents are capable of working. That means that both the non-custodial and the custodial parent ARE expected to work (if they are able to work, i.e. if they are not disabled), and financially contribute to the care of their child(ren).

The traditional idea of women custodial parents living on child support (and alimony) paid by the non-custodial male parent is changing. If a woman can work, regardless of the ages of her children, or the number of children, she is generally expected to work.

Women rarely receive alimony any more, and if they do, it is generally limited (such as to provide her with sufficient time to become capable of supporting herself). Of course, the circumstances of the marriage will be taken into consideration, which could allow for alimony for a lengthy period of time, or until the woman remarries. Occasionally, a man can receive alimony from a very wealthy wife, but that is also rare.

If the custodial parent is the father, the mother could be required to pay child support. If her income is very small compared to his, her share will be small.

This is how it works:

The number of children for whom child support needs to be computed is determined. Each parent's gross income is listed. If either party already has a prior child support obligation, that is subtracted from that parent's gross income. If either party has children currently in the home that s/he supports, a worksheet must be completed to determine the financial obligation of that party to those children. The portion of income dedicated to children in the home is then subtracted from that parent's gross income.

Can you imagine how complicated this can get if a parent has children with several different exes, and if those exes have children with exes?

Here are a couple of scenarios from the monogamous world, just for fun.

Troy & Shelly:

Troy marries Shelly and they have three children. They divorce, with Shelly getting custody of the children and Troy paying child support calculated on the fact that Shelly works but makes about half of what Troy makes.

Troy remarries and has three more children and his wife Carrie is a stay-at-home mom (going to college) so they live on his remaining income after child support. Shelly has another child but does not marry, and that guy gets paid under the table and is consistently unemployed, shirking any child support obligation she might win. Then she has a second child from a third relationship, but that father dies.

When Troy's child support is reviewed after five years, Shelly now has two additional children in the home, and she is the sole provider for at least one of them. Troy has since had another child and now has four children in the home, for which he is the sole provider. The child support would be computed taking into account both parents' other obligations, as well as their joint obligation to the children they share.

If one of Troy's & Shelly's children decides to swap parents (the grass is always greener!), it requires a split custody child support computation which can also be complicated, especially when you're trying to factor in multiple child support obligations.

Let's say three years later, Troy's wife Carrie finally graduates from medical school and is now working as a doctor making a decent income. The next time Troy's child support obligation is re-evaluated, his financial obligation to the set of children he has living in his home will be computed along with his wife's income (he is no longer the sole provider), which frees up a larger portion of his income for use in the child support computation with his ex-wife Shelly.

Scenario 2, Rod & Lacey:

Rod & Lacey get married on a lark, break up after two weeks and file for divorce. Lacey discovers she is pregnant and Rod tries to be supportive, wants to help, etc., but Lacey doesn't want him to see the child or have any access to the child. Lacey disappears and Rod can't find her.

Rod remarries and has two children. He and his wife both work and struggle to make ends meet. Ten years into the marriage, Rod is served with a child support order, including demand for 10 years retroactive back child support. Rod challenges it in court, and argues that he did everything he could to find his child and to pay his child support obligation, but Lacey moved several times, returned checks he tried to send to her and told him to stay out of their lives. Rod loses, and is ordered to pay current child support and also awarded back child support for the last ten years, an award that is over $20,000. Lacey gets a judgment and Rod's joint tax refund is seized to partially meet it. Rod's wife files paperwork for the return of her joint tax return, and she gets it several months later. They set up a payment plan with ORS to pay current and past child support.

Scenario 3, Lewis & Shawna:

Lewis and Shawna date and have a baby. They move in together and have a second child. Lewis has a hard time holding down a job, and when Shawna learns she is pregnant a third time, Lewis ditches out. A couple of weeks later, Lewis has moved in with a new girlfriend, Jennifer, a single mother of three who was awarded the family home in her own divorce, works a full time job and constantly fights with her ex husband over child support.

Shawna turns to the state for public assistance, moves in with her mother in order to have a babysitter while she works to make ends meet, and Lewis complains that he injured his back on the job, and can't work. Lewis picks up the kids sporadically to see them, sometimes showing up an hour late, other times not showing up at all. Things start looking up when Lewis finally gets a job and Shawna gets two or three child supports in a row. She starts to count on the money and plans for it. Then only 1/2 of the money arrives, and Shawna and Lewis argue and within a few more weeks, Lewis has lost his job again. No more money.

After another long period of unemployment, Lewis and Jennifer break up and she kicks him out. Homeless, Lewis reaches out to Shawna who is bitter but lets him stay with her, her mom and the kids. Lewis feels badly about everything, and starts to talk to Shawna about possibly taking him back. He cleans up, gets a job, and Shawna thinks there really might be a chance. She takes him back and all is okay, not perfect, but okay for a couple of weeks. Then he starts staying out all night, missing work, and loses his job. Shawna finds herself supporting not only their children and herself, but Lewis, too. After a few weeks of this, she kicks him out.

************

The above situations are all drawn from real life people I have come in contact with over the years, either in my work as a legal secretary or in my neighborhood.

The hard cold truth is this: courts are clogged with child custody and visitation disputes, and taxpayers are shouldering the tab to the tune of millions of dollars in unpaid child support. In general, we as a society have not solved the problem of making parents accountable for caring for, providing for, and nurturing their children.

Ideally, parents would see past their personal disputes with each other and put their children first in all that they do. Hopefully one day we will get there.

Back to the Gym - Gold's Gym

2009-05-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

I have a membership at Gold's Gym, but I haven't been since we moved a year ago, and for a couple of years before that, I only went sporadically. It's tough when you don't have a work-out buddy. I have a Health Rider at home, and an elliptical machine, which I have done fairly regularly with some gaps over the last year.

Well, I did the treadmill Saturday at the gym and some weight training and abs, but today I worked with a trainer and it really pushed me to a place I haven't been in awhile. I have always been a little nervous that I either over-work or under-work and don't really accomplish what I'm trying to do.

This morning I set up some appointments and agreed to a commitment over the next year to work with a trainer consistently, twice a month, to stay on track, monitor my progress, etc.

They measured my body fat (OUCH!), and will help me with my nutritional needs (diet), as well as provide me with a training schedule for four weight training days each week!

I am SO EXCITED!

I said this was the year that I would finally get this weight off and I am determined that I WILL succeed.

I'll be taking a before picture, and when I am ready, I'll make it available - Oh gosh, if I can STAND it! I saw in the news that Kirstie Allie has put a lot of weight back on, and I am rooting for her to strip it back off! Good for Valerie Bertinelli to cheer her on and offer her support. We ALL NEED encouragement and belief in ourselves. Go KIRSTIE! I'm rooting for you!

My goal is to lose 35 pounds in the next year. I am not going to be relying on the scale to monitor my progress. I will be instead monitoring my body fat % and pant sizes. That'll be more fun that stepping on a scale. Besides, muscle weighs more than fat so I know the scale will be unreliable at times.

I want to add that my husband is such a wonderful, loving and nurturing support! He hasn't always been the best at positive motivation (he used to be more of a negative motivator), but we've worked together to communicate with each other what we need from one another. Growing together takes some work, but is very rewarding.

Dh and my parents are my tremendous support team and I really appreciate them!!!

Wish me success! And, if you wish, JOIN me on my work-out pledge!

Book of Abraham Project

2009-05-06T19:33:00.001-07:00

The Book of Abraham project website is quite extensive and offers full books online, including The History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, by Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, texts of addresses by LDS Church Presidents, documents of the early Christian Church and other ancient texts, diaries, journals and histories of some early Mormons and others who knew Joseph Smith, jr., writings of Hugh Nibley, and many more.

This is good collection of documents, and I'm sure is the tip of the iceberg of what this project could eventually become.

Debatepedia - Wiki Encyclopedia - Pros and Cons of Polygamy

2009-05-05T09:04:00.001-07:00

Some of you might be interested in this extensive wiki on the pros and cons of polygamy. You might want to add to it?

Go to: Debatepedia - Polygamy

I'll add the link to my list of websites in the margin.

The Newsboys - Christian Rock

2009-04-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

When I was visiting Texas a few weeks ago, Heidi and I realized that we had some very different tastes in music. I like rock, pop, some rap mixed in, not much country; she likes country, some pop, very little rock. We constantly switched radio stations to songs we both could stomach.

Well, I have become a fan of Christian rock. There have been a few songs over the years from my favorite artists that I've really loved, like some from Alison Krauss (God Dips His Pen and others), but I really like this band, The Newsboys.

Here are some links to their songs on Youtube:

Newsboys - In the Hands of God

Or this one:

Newsboys - He Reigns

Lovely Bones - Book Review

2009-04-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

This was an amazing, gut-wrenching book. It's hard to recommend, because it follows the rape and murder of a 14-year-old girl and the grief that envelopes and threatens to unravel her family. I like that the book is told from the perspective of the girl who was killed, from "her heaven". As parent, it was horrifying reading, and I cried a lot.

While the book offers a stark, emotionally raw look at life through the lens of trauma and grief and tragedy, it also offers a thread of hope.

In the book, hope does not come from justice (justice does surface occasionally in the book, but there is also an arbitrariness about it which seems more true to life than anything else), or from the capture of the perpetrator, but from survival. Even the narrator still exists after her death. She watches over her family, occasionally inspiring them or being inspired by them but with no real power or ability to interact directly with them.

You absolutely feel her frustration, her inability to intervene, as her killer goes on with his life, lies to the police, expresses his sorrow to her family. And then he goes on to kill again.

The book was very well-written, and a captivating story. I read it in two days.

Principle Voices Website Updated

2009-04-20T12:46:00.001-07:00

Months ago, the Principle Voices website changed servers and has been going through some changes. I've been slowly adding material to it again, most of which used to be there but somehow went missing when the leap from server to server occurred. Today, I found an old speech I gave at a rally in Salt Lake in 2001. Thought you might find it interesting:

Comments given by Mary Batchelor at the Religious Freedom Rally on the Utah Capitol steps

June 16, 2001

My name is Mary Batchelor. I consider myself an involuntary monogamist. I am currently married to a man I love and admire, and we hope to enter into plural marriage again in the future.

I am one of the co-authors of Voices in Harmony, Contemporary Women Celebrate Plural Marriage. Yes, I said “celebrate.” One hundred women responded to our request to join their voices to ours in writing this book, to let the world know that we love our husbands, we love our sister-wives, we love our children, and we love our polygnyous family arrangement.

Why? It is a deeply sacred part of our religion, so thoroughly permeating the foundation of our beliefs that without polygyny, the promises of our religion fall short. We believe that women can find independence, fulfillment, and even empowerment within polygyny.

I am here today because our families are being threatened. Our religious beliefs and choice of lifestyle have been ridiculed, villified, condemned and proclaimed criminal in a public campaign that has already led to a socially acceptable and openly hostile form of McCarthyism. Declarations that polygmy must be eradicated are akin to ethnic cleansing and are a direct violation of the civil rights of consenting adults to arrange their families as they see fit.

It is ironic that this is occurring in a state and country founded upon religious freedom.

Yet, in America, polygamists are not afforded the rights and protections of the First Amendment to the Constitution.

For us, and many other minorities, religious freedom has never been fully realized in America.

In order for all Americans to truly enjoy the freedom to practice our religion according to the dictates of our conscience, we must grant that same freedom to others, whether or not we agree with them or approve of their beliefs or actions. It doesn’t matter if we belong to a majority religion, a minority religion, or no religion at all, we must find a way to appreciate diversity of thought and opinion. Toleration means nothing if we only tolerate those people with whom we agree.

We applaud the state of Utah for welcoming the Dalai Lama, and ask, can we not offer that same kind of welcome and respect to those who live in our own backyards?

It should no longer be acceptable to violate the rights of polygamous people. It is time to revise oppressive laws, and remove archaic statutes from the books. It is not the place of government to dictate which religion is acceptable or not, neither is it the place of government to dictate to adults how they can arrange their families.

We want laws to protect our families, not oppress them. We want laws to protect our children, not deprive them. Polygamous families should not be forced to live in fear; unsure of how much they can reveal about themselves publicly, to their neighbors, teachers or doctors, for fear they might be turned in to law enforcement and charged with bigamy or unlawful cohabitation, for nothing more than living polygamously. Polygamous families should not be made to live in silence, suffering public ridicule and slander from those who want to impose their values upon the rest of society. Polygamous families should not be compelled to withdraw from society to protect themselves or their children from persecution, animosity and hatred. They should have equal access to public assistance in times of need, to adequate medical care for their children, to employment, housing and even recreation, like any other family.

We are not asking for special treatment. On the contrary, we are asking for equal treatment.

The majority of polygamists do not commit incest, welfare fraud or other offenses. The majority of polygamists are law-abiding, industrious people who are not criminals, but loving spouses and parents. We are entitled to be treated as such.

In closing, I offer the words of Distinguished Professor of Psychology, Irwin Altman, of the University of Utah, and Professor of Social and Cultural Anthropology, Joseph Ginat, of the University of Haifa, in Israel, from their book, Polygamous Families in Contemporary Society, p. 444:

“In spite of the problems they face, some of these new forms of close relationships — including plural families among contemporary Mormon fundamentalists — are here to stay in American and Western society. They are not likely to ‘go away’; they are not fads or fancies; they are not aberrations. They will be part of the family life scene well into the future.

“We must therefore learn about them, learn from them, and even help people live the lifestyle of their choice. Doing so increases the probability that participants in emerging forms of close relationships will contribute to the well-being and equality of life in American society at large. Not doing so, and viewing these family lifestyles as inherently immoral, wrong, and unacceptable, increases the probability that American society will fragment, with a declining sense of community and civility in our public and private lives.”

Sunstone Symposium 2009 - Call for Papers

2009-04-18T14:47:00.000-07:00

The theme for 2009's Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City is: Zion’s Sisterhood: Celebrating Mormon Women’s Contributions to Church & Culture

Mark your calendars. The symposium will be held August 12-16. For more info, go to this link.

Everyone's Talking about Susan Boyle

2009-04-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

While everyone's talking about Susan Boyle, and justifiably so, I thought I'd throw up some of my favorite musical pieces. Great singers, phenomenal performances:

Linda Ronstadt & Rex Smith, singing 'Poor Wandering One', from Pirates of Penzance:

Patti LuPone singing 'Don't Cry for Me, Argentina':

Les Miserables - 10th Anniversary - 'One Day More' (I LOVE THIS SONG!):

'Phantom of the Opera' and 'Music of the Night' at the 1988 Tony Awards; Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford live:

'All I ask of You' with Sarah Brightman and Cliff Richards, live:

Donny Osmond in 'Close Every Door to Me' from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:

'Wouldn't It be Loverly' by Julie Andrews from My Fair Lady:

Anything from the Sound of Music. Although I love the original, this is a sweet version of Eidelweiss by Julie Andrews and John Denver that I found while searching:

I really enjoy musicals, and many of the songs from the musicals above are among my favorites; it's hard to leave any out, but silly to put every last one in. I need to give a shout-out to TXBluesMan blogger for posting Susan Boyle's performance along with some other live performers (including Patti LuPone) singing the same song on his blog. I spent an hour listening to my favorite songs from musicals on Youtube this morning which was a real treat.

Exercise & "17 Again"

2009-04-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

40 minutes today divided between the elliptical & the Health Rider, then did some weight training and squats. I have a women's retreat on the last weekend in June, so I'm shooting to really maintain my exercise and diet with that date as a goal. I just want to be in good physical shape, and if I drop another size all the better. Honestly, muscle wears better on the bod than fat, so it's all good. Brand new bathing suit, here I come!

I took some of my kids to see '17 Again' with Zac Efron. We all liked it. It started slow but picked up after Zac came into the picture.

I have to say that Zac Efron is genuinely, absolutely, good looking. My girls say he is "delicious."

The thing is, even my mom agrees that he is a cutie. He has that cross-over appeal, apparently, that draws the young and the old alike. In this movie, he plays a man in the middle of a divorce, who becomes 17 again (and turns into Zac Efron). As a 17 year old, he gets to know his children in a way that awakens in him a realization that he has been an absent husband and father. He meets his wife as the teenage friend of his son, and slips into comfortable interaction with her that feels normal to him but freaks her out (as an adult woman interacting with a teenage boy). Zac carries off the older woman/young man love interest, at one point dancing with her and picking her up and swinging her around.

There are some funny parts in the movie and even though there are a couple of adult comments/moments, the over-arching theme of the movie is positive, family- and marriage- friendly.

What an Awesome Post! -

2009-04-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

Check out Naiahdot blog, and this rather interesting post: What ever happened to the woman who used to write here?

Legislative Hearing (TX) Tomorrow, One FLDS Representative to Testify

2009-04-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

San Angelo's Paul Anthony is reporting that a representative of the FLDS will be one of three people who will testify in front of the Senate Health and Human Services Committee at a hearing on Tuesday to address the raid, and Representative Hilderbran will testify on his House bill 4255. The bill "would ease DFPS' ability to remove children from an allegedly abusive situation by removing a requirement that the agency make 'reasonable efforts' to eliminate the need to remove a child, and also would allow investigators more leeway to remove parents from a home instead of the children."

Unlike last year's April 30 fiasco where "then-Department of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Carey Cockerell gave his now-infamous briefing to the Senate Health and Human Services Committee", this hearing will actually permit testimony from a representative of the FLDS.

On that last occasion, Cockerell apparently "took no questions and after which the most attention-grabbing of his claims - that 41 children from the compound showed evidence of broken bones - was quickly discredited as being well within the norm for any similar-sized group of children."

It seems some lessons were learned in the last year. There are horrible consequences when truth is sacrificed to expediency, or, heaven forbid, bias. Those consequences reach beyond department heads "retiring" as Cockerell later did, particularly when the safety of children is a primary concern.

Hopefully, a more accurate picture can finally be presented to this committee.

Anthony writes: "It's the first time since the sect moved to Texas in 2003 that it will confront a Legislature that has raised the state's legal marriage age in response to its presence and is considering more action this session as a result of the complications born from last year's raid."

It's about time. The FLDS ARE a part of Texas now. The YFZ residents are Texans, and apparently they are staying put.

Clever V alliteration in speech from V for Vendetta

2009-04-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pieces of dialogue from a movie is the V speech from the movie, V for Vendetta. I often tell fellow creative writers, poets, and English lovers everywhere about that movie and its symbolism. There are communication theories in practice throughout the movie; it was a dream for my communications class!

Here it is on youtube:

The speech actually comes through clearer in this first video, which is just the speech with the words crossing the screen, plus it is longer than the movie snippet below:

Actual scene from the movie:

Enjoy.

Changing Seasons - Fidelity in Marriage - Life's Revelations

2009-04-12T12:27:00.001-07:00

I am not able to blog the way I used to. Initially, I had wanted this blog to be a place where I could really share my thoughts about polygamy, my family, my questions, my values, even my doubts.

Too often, though, people get offended at something I write and it injures my ability to do my job with Principle Voices.

I used to maintain an extensive journal and in the last few years this blog has taken its place. I'm not 100% comfortable with that because this blog went from being anonymous to being public, and more and more I am not feeling as free as I used to to really be vulnerable and open with my feelings.

I have toyed with closing my blog to family & close friends only, but then I figure I would probably just dump it altogether and do something different. I have also come close to deleting the blog, but I don't want to lose everything I've posted over the last several years, much of which really should have gone into my journal and hasn't.

I love stimulating dialogue, intelligent persuasion, but I detest arguing for argument's sake, right-fighting, name-calling, and leaps of the imagination into the ridiculous. I like dialogue that is taking me somewhere reasonable, that explores differences and similarities while respecting different "come-froms". I mean, I want to discuss another person's faith and ask questions and explore my own feelings about it without feeling that if I don't change my faith by the time the conversation is over then I'm either somehow defective or I've insulted someone.

I do believe that it is healthy to examine opposing views, to sometimes step into other people's shoes and even debate on behalf of opinions you might not personally embrace so that you can at least understand them, and sometimes broaden your worldview.

I used to debate in high-school. I did policy and Lincoln Douglas (value) debate. We had to be able to debate both the pro and the con of a particular topic. We had some latitude, not a lot, but some, to work within a particular topic, but we still had to be able to argue both sides.

I can see the pros and cons of polygamy. I see the things that are challenging for people who try to live it, and how some families overcome those challenges and make it work for them, and how other families struggle and don't have as much success.

There are so many different personalities and styles and ideas, and how they interact and blend into different families are going to play out in a variety of ways in their marriages, parenting, upbringing, etc.

I believe that LOVE is meaningful in marriage. I wouldn't want to be married without it. I wouldn't be able to give myself to someone emotionally or physically without it. I also believe commitment and fidelity is important. They are, to me, as important as love.

At different times in my teen and young adult years, I weighed out these values with each other. Which ones were more important than others? Was I willing to sacrifice love for a decent guy who would be strong in his religious values and beliefs and be a faithful husband and devoted father? Was I willing to sacrifice a marriage commitment for love? Would I be happier waiting on marriage altogether and pursuing college and a career first? Could I do that and still maintain my personal commitment to "marriage" and sexual abstinence (while single)?

As you weigh out your values, the strongest ones intersect with each other to support the decisions you make.

I was not willing to sacrifice commitment, fidelity or love. I wanted them all. It wasn't enough for me to give myself to someone simply because he pledged his love to me. I wanted more of a commitment than a pledge of the heart. I wasn't willing to give my body without a commitment of fidelity and inter-dependence.

People often ask me how can a man who has a propensity to love more than one woman remain faithful to one? Well, I think we all have the capacity to love more than one person, people do it all the time. We choose to create boundaries for ourselves and use restraint, or we don't have any. Any person who commits to another human being in marriage, and makes a commitment of fidelity, is electing to close the door on future potential emotional or physical partners. It is a choice and an exercise in restraint in exchange for a benefit: a life joined with another person to move as "one" in shared goals, hopes and dreams.

It is in many ways a contract. Many times people don't recognize all the unspoken beliefs and expectations that go along with that contract. In my contract, I do expect fidelity, but I am open to polygyny, that is the prospect of another woman entering our lives and potentially joining our family. I am not open to my husband dating, sneaking around behind my back, scoping out candidates, sleeping around.

It makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever that Bill Paxton's character on Big Love would not be able to restrain himself from sleeping with Ana while they are "courting". Some men, however, do not have the moral character or personal restraint to conduct themselves honorably in their wife's or wives' absence, and do cross the fidelity line (some women do that, too!). Many monogamous marriages fail as a result of infidelity. Some men who are drawn to polygamy suffer from these same moral or character lapses. Maybe they think polygamy will solve their propensity to cheat on their wives? Maybe they think their inability to remain faithful to their monogamous wives can be explained away by an acceptance of polygamy? Unfortunately, that is not the case. Men who are unfaithful in monogamy are not likely to be faithful to more than one wife.

Further, any woman who thinks it is okay to cheat with a married man, better beware, because she's basically given that man her permission/consent to cheat on her, too. Whether she says it in words or not, she has said it in her actions.

I did not even kiss my husband before we were married, out of respect for his wife.

When I was a teenager, I had a handful of friends who were independent fundamentalist Mormons. One friend had very opinionated grandparents who kept trying to set up their grandkids with other kids in the same faith.

I remember really being put off by that. No WAY, no how, was anyone going to tell me who to marry. If I am going to make a life-long commitment with someone, have children with that person, give my heart and my body to that person, then I sure as anything was going to choose that person for myself!!!

I didn't have anything to worry about on that score. My parents firmly instilled a strong sense of independence and freedom of self-direction in us kids. They were there to guide us and counsel with us and help us make healthy choices for ourselves, but not to tell us who to marry or what college to attend or what career to pursue.

In the Bible, there were arranged marriages and some people married young and others married family members. My understanding of Hebrew tradition is that girls were always able to say "no" to a prospective groom even though the dowry and marriage matters were mediated by a father and the groom's family. She had the right to say NO. Also, a girl would have a certain portion of dowry that belonged only to her and did not go to her husband. It was for her protection, which I think afforded some, however small, measure of independence.

I don't write this blog to offend people. I don't think it's my fault if someone gets offended by something I write, either.

I may or may not keep writing. I've been threatened and my family has been threatened. I can be a mama bear when it comes to threatening my children. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important than the safety and well-being of my family.

Thank you to all of you who write me with respect and share your opinions with me, even when you take me to task or disagree with me. I have enjoyed the interaction.

Headed to a Christian Church this Morning, Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

Some of the sweetest testimonies of Jesus Christ that I've heard have come from my Christian friends. I love their focus on the savior in their personal lives and on service to others. Because of this, I thought it would be a nice way to spend Easter by taking my teens to a non-denominational Christian church service.

I have attended one a few times over the last two years, the first time when my sister-in-law, who is active LDS, invited my teen daughters to go "church-hopping" on conference weekend. I had never heard of that but I wanted to go, too!

We went to a community church in Daybreak and were embarrassed to find ourselves the only ones dressed like LDS Church attendees. You do not have to wear dress clothes when you attend these churches. They are casual dress, which is actually quite relaxing. It is really difficult to get a large family ready in the morning for picture day and dress occasions, so I appreciate the casual dress.

We've been having a discussion with our friends about the different denominations. I have not really understood the differences, particularly between evangelical and Anglican, but I'm working on it. Even though they have differences, they recognize each other as "Christian" because they share a common belief in several things, one being the trinity. I consider myself Christian because I accept Jesus Christ as my savior. "Mormons" believe in Jesus Christ and the atonement, but not in trinity. We do believe in the "Godhead", which is the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost as three separate entities. There are many other differences, as I am learning, but the trinity, and grace v. works are apparently at the heart of the "Are Mormons Christian" argument? I think it's fascinating.

My little daughters are excited about Easter, but more about getting candy and having a holiday. We had a family party yesterday and socialized, hid bags of candy-filled eggs in the backyard for the younger kids, then had to hide the older girls' bags, too, because they felt left out. My sister hid them very well; it took the girls forever to find their bags! They got some $ from grandma and grandpa, so they hatched a plan with their cousin who lives close by to see the new Hannah Montana movie with their loot. They liked the movie; one of my daughters has now seen it twice and plans to see it again. I thought Hannah only held appeal with my daughter Holly, but now my 4-year-old Vivi is flipped over her, and I guess the teens are Miley Cyrus's age, so...

There were some very happy Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus fans in Utah Friday when the popstar/actress and her dad Billy Ray popped in for a surprise visit at a Utah matinee screening of her new movie. The screening was held at the theater at The District, which is not too far from where I live. We go there occasionally, but mostly we try to see first run movies at the Carmike Theater on Redwood Road where prices are $4 per person matinee and $6 or $6.50 in the evenings (that's $1.50 cheaper than everywhere else), and if you buy a bucket of popcorn, you can refill it every time you come for only 50 cents. It's a lot cheaper for a large family on a budget! Or, we go to the Sandy Movies dollar theater, where every ticket is $1.50 for matinees or $2.00 for evening showings, with special rates for Mondays or whatever. Some movies I don't mind waiting for, and just aren't worth paying more than that!

Trip to Texas - Visit to Fort Concho

2009-04-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

I hardly want to share it on my blog because I feel it was such a sober, healing time, an opportunity for the families to walk through Fort Concho and spend Friday and Saturday with their loved ones from other states. Heidi and I felt honored to be invited and included.

It started with some words from Willie, then a video of raid pictures and false allegations that were made, then they showed family pictures and videos of FLDS families playing with their children.

They had a Catholic Bishop speak about healing and coming together. We were invited to say a few words, too.

The families are getting to know us better and are comfortable with taking pictures with us; once you get to know them, they are funny and teasing and not as reserved as they seem on TV. As they are becoming more comfortable, they are more casual, too. They told jokes, and presented cowboy poetry. REALLY! They had a young man stand up and present one of his own poems and it was very good, and entertaining! Then he presented a five minute, multi-stanza poem he'd memorized but didn't write and it was impressive!

We left San Angelo late on Saturday because it was so hard to say goodbye to everyone. We ended up racing back to San Antonio and made it to our plane with about 17 minutes to spare!

I Believe

2009-04-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

I believe in God.
I believe in love.
I believe in marriage.
I believe in family.
I believe in keeping promises.
I believe in morality.
I believe in fairness.
I believe in justice.
I believe in mercy.
I believe in charity.
I believe in forgiveness.
I believe in repentance.
I believe in atonement.
I believe in humility.
I believe in joy.
I believe in faith.
I believe in sacrifice.
I believe in freedom.
I believe in responsibility.
I believe in accountability.
I believe in loyalty.
I believe in friendship.
I believe in romance.
I believe in sisterhood/brotherhood.
I believe in parents.
I believe in unity.
I believe in harmony.
I believe in music.
I believe in worship.
I believe in decency.
I believe in sympathy.
I believe in compassion.
I believe in understanding.
I believe in education.
I believe in communication.
I believe in service.
I believe in commitment.
I believe in intelligence.
I believe in creativity.
I believe in inquiry.
I believe in respect.
I believe in honesty.
I believe in integrity.
I believe in equity.
I believe in frailty.
I believe in humanity.
I believe in divinity.
I believe in beauty.
I believe in nature.
I believe in life.
I believe in me.

Heading to Texas ~

2009-04-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

I am honored to be invited to spend some time with the ranch families, particularly at the 1st year mark of the raid. I will bring a camera and this time I will post some pics from the visit. I will be careful about respecting privacy, because frankly, it's so precious and too often we take it for granted.

As for the Oprah show, I think it was a respectfully done. Oprah did a good job, asking questions and responding with warmth rather than judgment, though clearly she looked as if she didn't really "get it" when she got the answers.

Obviously the explanations of their lives given by ranch members make perfect sense to them, but still might fly over the heads of the American public for whom communal living, polygamy, full body dresses and long-braided hair are either strange or old-fashioned seeming.

I have to laugh when I think of how people wrangle over the FLDS hairstyles. Don't people remember the big hair of the 80s, with bangs sticking straight up or feathered all over? Have we forgotten the mohawk? What about the boxy plaid jackets & jeannie pants?

Styles go in and out and we all look back and see ourselves in those old fads and either gasp or have a good laugh. Why? Because at the time they seemed so cool and chic and now they're just plain embarrassing. In other words, the "majority" pretty much determines what is in style or what is a new fad, and the rest conform in varying degrees. Why do we need our way to be better than what the FLDs have determined is appropriate for them?

The children are SO CUTE! I really liked the segment with the teens in particular. they seemed more comfortable than the adults, but teens generally are more outspoken anywhere, aren't they?

April Fools Day

2009-04-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

My doctor brother is celebrating his birthday today. When my mother was in labor with him at the hospital, my dad called the grandparents several times announcing the birth, each time with a different gender, etc., only to dash it all with "April Fools".

Happy birthday, bro!

Oprah Oprah Oprah

2009-03-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

The Oprah show has a lot of pictures and commentary available on the Harpo site for her show called: Behind the Yearning for Zion Gates. The show is on today (4 p.m. Utah time), but until you can watch the program, you might find this other material interesting.

Oprah is intelligent and sharp. She sees things. I'm intrigued with this show in a way that I wasn't with the first. The fact that Oprah went into the ranch personally is fascinating. I'm interested in hearing what she thinks about it.

One Year After the Raid - YFZ Ranch Families

2009-03-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

Here are several articles and some photo galleries featuring the YFZ ranch families:

Deseret News: FLDS are still Feeling Effects One Year Later

Salt Lake Tribune: Texas vs FLDS - A Year After the Raid

Go San Angelo: FLDS Members Use Faith to Cope with FLDS Raid

Yea! - Another Pound Lost & I'm Finally Feeling on the Mend

2009-03-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I finally dropped another pound after a week and a half of hovering. That's a total of 10 pounds lost. I think I'm a quarter of the way to where I want to go. That's nice. Another ten pounds and I'll really see some difference, I think. I haven't been able to work out as consistently as I was before I got sick and threw out my back, but I'm finally starting to feel close to normal and slowly getting back my energy again.

That's a total of 10 pounds lost. Yahoo. :o) Now I just need to renew my exercise commitment; my diet is still going very well. I don't have the cravings I used to have, and when I do, I eat a little of something I want and that seems to satisfy.

Just saw the stunning pics of Valerie Bertinelli in a bikini after her now 50 lb weight loss. Phenomenal! I'm happy for her victory.

Still Sick...and Oprah Visits the YFZ Ranch Personally

2009-03-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'm still sick. I'm very tired and still trying to recover. I guess I just needed a reminder to take it easy??

Oprah has visited the YFZ ranch personally, and the show will be aired Monday, March 30. Check your local listings for times. Here is the blurb from the website:

"A year after the raid, Oprah goes inside the polygamist ranch. Isolated from the world…see how they live. Cameras have never been allowed inside this once-sacred temple."

Follow this link for the video preview.

I pulled the "contrary" blog links temporarily, because I am too tired to deal with controversy or hurt feelings. I just want some more time to think about it...