Introspection of a Plural Wife (at Heart)

Canadian Reference Case Ruling Draws Sharp Criticism

2011-11-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

The ruling came down on the Canadian Reference case. You can read the 300+ page opinion here: Reference re: Section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada, 2011 BCSC 1588

Interestingly, there have been several articles, editorials and opinion pieces published that are critical of the Opinion. I'm going to post those links here because I agree with the opinions expressed.

Here they are:

The Province - Kate Heartfield - Canada Doesn't Need A Law Banning Polygamy
Macleans - Emmett Macfarlane A Confused Judicial Treatise on Polygamy
National Post - Jesse Kline on Polygamy - State Shouldn't Interfere in Consenting Adult Relationships
The Globe and Mail - Tabatha Southey - We have as Many Double Standards on Polygamy as Solomon had Wives
Times Colonist - Polygamy Not the Real Crime, Abuse Is
Cape Breton Post - Polygamy Ruling Shaky
The Star - Polygamy Ruling Should Trouble Feminists
Jonathan Turley Blog - Canadian Court Upholds Polygamy Law
Free Thoughts Blog - Canadian Judge Mucks Up Hearing
Care 2 Cause - Does the Criminalization of Polygamy Protect Women and Children?

Follow Me on Twitter

2011-10-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time to blog, sadly. As much as I love blogging, I am working full time and taking college classes, so for the most part, my writing is limited to assignments.

However, I do tweet regularly, since it is quick and easy to post links and short topics. I post a broad range of polygamy related links, from 'Sister Wives' and the Darger family's 'Love Times Three' to FLDS news from any news sources I can find. In addition to polygamy news, I post relationship links, domestic violence awareness links and news, and other interesting things that catch my interest.

If those things pique your interest, follow me: Lurides68

Sister Wives - Marital Ups and Downs

2011-10-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

This is a thoughtful analysis from Yahoo Contributor Isa-Lee Wolf of why Christine Brown is currently struggling in her marriage to Kody, following the family's move to Las Vegas: "Sister Wives": Polygamy Hurts Christine, but not the Way that You Think

I think she's dead-on right and recognizes that Christine entered this family with a desire to be a strong central force bonding everyone together, and she has been that, and now finds that role shifting as the family moves into separate homes and away from their comfortable, happy life in Utah (pre-law enforcement threats).

iSad: Steve Jobs: Inspiring Comments

2011-10-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

As I type this blog entry on my MacBook, and peruse my emails on my iphone and listen to my favorite songs on my itunes, I cannot help but be saddened by the loss of Steve Jobs (1955-2011). I took notice of Steve Jobs' outside-of-the box thinking years ago when he commented appreciatively on the creativity and non-comformity of homeschooling families. Having home-schooled my own children on and off over the years at great expense and dedication of my time and energy, I appreciated his public support.

Here are some great comments from a man who touched many lives, and came into our homes with his technological genius. Was he a perfect man? No. This post is not intended to idealize him, but to recognize him as a person of talent, excellence, and visionary qualities that inspired technological advancements we have all enjoyed. I ask you, seriously, how many of you did not like Pixar's Toy Story? I don't know about you, but I much prefer a Mac over a PC, and the ipad has been on my wish-list for the last couple of years.

Here is Steve Jobs in his own words:

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do." Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

"I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life."
- Stanford University commencement address, June 12, 2005

"It's better to be a pirate than to join the Navy."
- Odyssey: Pepsi to Apple

"I'm the only person I know that's lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It's very character-building."
- Apple Confidential 2.0

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." Stanford Commencement Address (speaking about his cancer diagnosis in 2003)

Here is an guest commentary at CNet that shows how astute Steve Jobs was: What I Learned from Steve Jobs, by Guy Kawasaki

Farwell Steve Jobs, and God Bless

iSad

Barking Up The Wrong Tree: A really cool blog by Wired Magazine columnist Eric Barker

2011-10-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

This guy is amazing. He finds all kinds of statistics and research about a wide variety of things and posts them on his blog, twitter and facebook. You can receive email updates or visit his column at Wired Magazine as well. He is my favorite re-tweet.

His website is called "Barking up the Wrong Tree" and I've added it to my Faves in my blog roll.

Here are some sample posts:

Do Good Motivations Increase Physical Endurance? Do Bad Motivations Increase it Even More?

How to Make Yourself Happier in just a few Seconds

How Important is Physical Attractiveness to a Happy Marriage?

What You Should Look for in a Marriage Partner

And lots and lots of information about sex:

Things You didn't Know about Sex

The wealth of facts he posts are just plain fun. Let me know what you think!

An Interesting Polygamy Blog: Polygrrl

2011-10-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered an interesting blog by a woman involved in a polygamous family. It's called Polygrrl. I've added it to my Faves in the blog roll.

In particular, I appreciate her discussion of Kody Brown, the husband and father on the TLC program "Sister Wives". Husband to Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, he has 16 (going on 17) children, and is constantly vilified in the blog world. During the first season, he was often dismissed as a "surfer dude", and occasionally referred to as shallow with rock star hair. As the show has progressed, he is still dismissed, but often characterized as egocentric and selfish. I agree with Polygrrl that Kody has many good qualities that people seem to completely ignore from episode to episode, choosing instead to focus instead on something he said and either misrepresenting what he said, or exaggerating it out of proportion. Read Polygrrl's post, "Why Vilify Kody Brown?", then check out the rest of her blog.

Polygrrl shares her own story, has a section dedicated to Sister Wives, Big Love, Jealousy and other related topics. I'd like to see her review of Love Times Three and comment on the Dargers. :o)

O'Reilly Interviews the Darger family about the book 'Love Times Three'

2011-10-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Fox News promoted this interview as a polygamous family looking for the right to marry, and Bill O'Reilly introduced the segment by claiming that polygamists were seeking marriage rights as a result of increased acceptance of gay marriage across the country.

However, the Dargers clearly stated several times that they are seeking decriminalization for their family arrangement, not multiple marriage licenses.

O'Reilly discussed the Dargers' book, Love Times Three, and showed pictures and footage of the family with smiling, happy children interacting with loving parents.

Here's the segment:

'Sister Wives' Beats 'The Good Wife' in Season Opener Viewership

2011-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Who'd have thought the Brown family's reality show 'Sister Wives' would womp on the excellent Julianna Margulies legal drama 'The Good Wife' with 2.8 million viewers?

According to the Hollywood Reporter, "Against a competitive night on broadcast and cable with a slew of premieres and launches, Sister Wives drew TLC's best ratings in almost two years in the women 25-54 (2.4) and women 18-49 (2.4) demos. Among the younger female 18-34 demo, Sister Wives -- revolving around the Brown family -- drew a 2.3 rating, outperforming CBS' 'The Good Wife' (2.3 vs. 1.6) in the category.

TLC is touting Sunday as the network's best performance in primetime in a little more than one year."

TV Blend had this to say: "Women are flocking to the series in droves it seems, and although I would guess most of them are not looking to add another wife to their household, they’re certainly curious enough about it."

Interesting. I seem to remember that 'Big Love' likewise had a large female viewership.

Congratulations to the Browns on the strong start to their 3rd season. :o)

(But please don't drive my favorite legal drama off the air!)

Love Times Three on Dr. Phil

2011-09-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wow, a lot of polygamy related news over the last few weeks, with the release of the new book 'Love Times Three' from Harper Collins skyrocketing to best seller status, and the return of TLC's 'Sister Wives' on Sunday evenings.

First, I read the book. I love the book. I love the family. The book is very well written, genuine and touching. It is honest and open about day to day challenges as well as their decision to build a life together. On Dr. Phil, Valerie said that when she joined the family, she married the women as well as Joe. She married the family. The relationships work because they work on the relationships; they care about each other to work through the issues that surface as any family strives to do. They also emphasized trust as an important factor for each of them. The women trust each other and they trust Joe. They trust that they will respect each other, so they can come to each other when there is a problem.

I was also fascinated by Vicki's response to Dr. Phil's question that if anything were to happen to the other women, and hypothetically Joe and one wife were left alone, could they survive as a monogamous unit, and Vicki said that first it would be devastating to lose the other two women, but yes, the relationship would be strong as a monogamous one. Here is a link to Dr. Phil about the show with the Dargers and 'Love Times Three', and here is a link to a back stage, "uncensored" discussion between the Dargers and Dr. Phil and his wife. Here is a link to the comments generated by the show.

Dr. Phil said the book was "very well written" and strongly endorsed reading it. He distributed copies to his audience.

You can check out the Love Times Three website, and follow the Darger family on twitter and facebook.

'Love Times Three' - New book about Polygamous Family

2011-09-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

Harper Collins publishing has just released a new book about a polygamous family: The Dargers. Check out more information here: 'Love Times Three' at Harper Collins

GREAT review from Kirkus! "Eye opening and courageous." Read more here.

Love Times Three website with a cool trailer.

Darger family Facebook page, with lots of photos and additional family stories.

Follow the Darger family on twitter.

Buy Love Times Three at Amazon.

And here are some articles about the book. I will add to this list as more surface:

Salt Lake Tribune: Books: Utah Family Opens the Door of their Polygamous Family (9/26/11)

Salt Lake Tribune: Opening the Doors of a Plural Household: Interview with the Dargers (9/26/11)

Beliefnet: Life in a Polygamous Marriage (September 2011)

Book signing at King's English bookstore: Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage (on 9/22/11)

Fox 13 News: Real "Big Love" Family Steps out of the Shadows (9/21/11)

Salt Lake Tribune: Plural Marriage, Page by Page (9/21/11)

Winnepeg Free Press: Polygamous Family Steps out the Closet (9/17/11)

Good Morning America: 'Love Times Three': Inside the World of a Polygamous Marriage (9/13/11)

WNYC Brian Lehrer Show: Polygamous Marriage, Love Times Three (9/13/11)

ABC News: Love Times Three': Inside the World of a Polygamous Marriage (9/13/11)

New York Post: My Three Wives (9/10/11)

"The Tourist" - Movie Review

2011-08-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Unwatchable dud, notwithstanding actors I love: Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

Huge disappointment. My husband and I could barely stay awake to the end it was so dull.

The Tourist - 1 star for Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp

Knight and Day - Movie Review

2011-08-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

LOVED this movie. It is hilarious. The lines are clever; the story is fast paced and action packed. I absolutely enjoyed this movie from beginning to end. There is a scene where June is walking with her captors through a flower garden and one after another, each captor is yanked up and away from behind her. I don't think I even noticed when the first person disappeared, then the next one swung away, and I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe.

Imdb has this synopsis: story of a girl who gets mixed up with a spy trying to clear his name.

Director: James Mangold
Writer: Patrick O'Neill
Stars: Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz and Peter Sarsgaard

Knight and Day - 5 stars out of 5

"Source Code": Movie Review

2011-08-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

I loved "Source Code". It was a fantastic movie.

Here's a short synopsis: An action thriller centered on a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man and discovers he's part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train.

Director: Duncan Jones
Writer: Ben Ripley
Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan and Vera Farmiga

You can see more at imdb. This movie is so much better than the description. :o)

For me, this is a 5 star movie. The acting is fantastic. The story line is intelligent, gripping and satisfying. I love sci fi with plots that I need to think about and characters that are engaging and for whom we care.

"Source Code": 5 Stars out of 5

Criticism, Condemnation and the Jeffs Verdict

2011-08-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am a cautious person by nature. I don't like making quick decisions with minimal information. I will if I have to, when I have to, but I prefer to do my homework, study things out, put together research, make comparisons, and weigh in at the appropriate time and in an appropriate manner. I am not an impulse shopper, unless it's a candy bar when I'm starving. :o(

If I am cautious, even too cautious, in withholding condemnation of someone accused of wrongdoing, it is because of this: I know that sometimes we well-meaning human beings are wrong. I know that we can make mistakes. We hear things that may have a seed of truth, and then that truth gets exaggerated and then that truth is buried in such a blend of truth and falsehood that it is difficult to sift out what is fact from what is fiction. I am wary of judging based on hearsay. There are people who have spent years in prison, even spent time on death row, who were ultimately cleared and vindicated because "better" evidence came along, whether it be information that surfaced later, a witness who didn't come forward soon enough, or DNA matching technology that erased all doubt as to who the guilty party in a crime really is. I want convincing evidence before I am willing to condemn.

Also, I would like to point out that while I have challenged ideas in the broader polygamy discussion, and argued against fierce criticism, I have not attacked anyone personally. I have not been a harsh "critic" of polygamy's critics. I can be a harsh critic of abusive conduct, and of hyperbole, and of lying, when that conduct, that hyperbole, or that lying is designed, intentionally, to harm others. I couldn’t care less if someone "lies" out of compassion ("No, you don't look fat in those jeans", or "well, maybe it’s just the pants are not that flattering a style, it's not you!"). But there are those who manipulate, lie, deceive, cheat, steal, etc., to get gain, to win favor, to influence or to gain power over other people. They may take other people's money, their wives, their children, and their possessions, or even defame their good name. Defamation can cause loss of jobs, loss of clients, loss of friends, and cause many repercussions that go with that.

When I cross paths with someone who is a destructive person, intentionally or unintentionally, I give that person a wide berth. I do not need, nor want, to invite that into my life, thank you very much. If a destructive person turns that destruction into my path, and targets it at my family or friends, I will fight back. I am not going to stand for it. I promise you. I will use every means legally available to me to protect myself and my family from a person who seeks to wreak havoc and bring harm.

There are those who think nothing of lying, exaggerating, stereotyping, and misrepresenting information to create a false impression, smearing an entire class of people because of the conduct of certain individuals, and that is wrong. It hurts people. It hurts families. It hurts children. My policy is, "First do no harm." I help where I can help. I may be slow to condemn, but I act fast once I KNOW the truth for a fact.

I know from working in the world of domestic violence that domestic violence is real. I have sat in the room with a domestic violence victim whose eye socket was shattered and bleeding while she cried and explained to me that she couldn't leave her husband because she couldn't afford to pay her mortgage payment and would lose her home. I also know that the most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is the time she decides to leave her abuser. At my job, I collect news reports and help edit the DV Related Deaths Report. A good number of those deaths are murder/suicides (female is murdered, male kills himself), and most of them, year after year, follow a break-up or a filing for divorce.

I mention this because I want you to know that I know, I understand, that it must be the victim's decision to act, because only that victim truly knows the danger, the risk, the consequence, of her (or his, as the case may be) action.

Likewise, how much harder is it for those of us working to help DV victims get the resources they need, when police officers or victim advocates show up at a DV call and must deal with a person who is not a DV victim at all, but someone trying to manipulate the system, someone who knows that crying "DV" and getting a P.O. may be a route to tipping the scales in a custody battle, or even a way to bring some misery into the life of a former partner through an act of spite.

Such people undermine legitimate cases of domestic violence. They do a disservice to victims who risk their lives to make that one phone call, or that courageous gesture to leave with their lives and the lives of their children on the line.

So I make judgments with caution. I believe victims when they tell me their stories. I refer them and offer them resources, and I let them make their decisions on their own behalf, so that they can feel what it means to be in control of their own destiny. I don't push, and I don't "save". Ultimately, we can't do anything anyway until a victim is ready to act for him or herself.

I want to help; I do not want to harm.

We all leave a footprint in this life, and that footprint grows and grows after we are gone. I don't want my footprint to be a destructive one.

I was a fairly happy-go-lucky child. My mom said I was born talking and cut my teeth arguing with her. :o) I was very blessed to have loving, nurturing and freedom-loving parents who encouraged us kids to be whatever we wanted to be, to dream big and live our dreams.

At the same time, I struggled with strabismus from the time I was born. I had glasses as a toddler and for years afterward, until eye surgery repaired the muscle and allowed for a cosmetic solution to my "four eyes" appearance. I was teased a lot in those early years. I even ran over my glasses with my tricycle, and destroyed them in other creative ways on several occasions because they were a misery to me. It didn't matter that they helped me SEE. They caused me horrible pain and suffering. They caused me rejection. Of course that was a financial blow to my parents who did their best to provide everything we needed, with my dad at times working three jobs and going to school, and my mom home with several little kids.

When I was 8 or 9 years old, I had my surgery and didn't have to wear glasses anymore. Still, when I read a lot (which I loved to do), or wrote a lot (which I loved to do), or didn't sleep enough (who wanted to sleep with so many cool things to do?), my eye would turn in. Throughout my middle school and high school years, I avoided making eye contact with people for fear someone would notice. Sometimes someone did notice and asked me if I was looking at them or somewhere else. It always left me embarrassed and in greater fear of other people seeing my weird eyes. I suffered a variety of types of bullying during those years. I had been raised to turn the other cheek and follow the Golden Rule. I didn't believe it was right to "be mean". How do you defend yourself against bullies and people who are picking on you if you restrain yourself from several routes of self-defense? Fighting wasn't allowed, fighting back with words was just as bad if those words were cutting or cruel. I did learn that I was skilled at verbal sparring. I became adept at verbal slams and could flip a verbal attack back on the attacker in such a way that it became unpleasant for people to go after me that way. Still, it grieved me, and I felt shame, that it wasn't really the way Jesus would want me to be, so that, after a time, I repented of it and decided to find a different way to deal with challenging people.

When I was 16 years old, I was riding a motorcycle with my brother, and some neighbor kids who were goofing around in the street decided it would be fun to link arms and block us. My brother swerved and we fell on the pavement. After we brushed ourselves off, my brother walked the bike to the house but I stayed and chewed them out for causing us to fall. We could have been seriously injured and I felt protective of my brother who was younger than me. The neighbor kids swarmed around me and laughed and prodded and put their arms around me and acted like they were being friendly, but it was shallow and fake and I knew it, but what I didn't know was that it was just a distraction so that one of the boys could put his arm over my shoulder, reach down and grab my breast. I was shocked and appalled, slapped his hand away and ran into the house in tears.

My mother had been folding laundry in the living room and saw it happen through the window. She called me into the room and told me she knew what had happened. I didn't want to talk about it. I was humiliated, and even more humiliated that my mother knew. She said we needed to confront him and tell his parents, but I just wanted it to go away. Ultimately, I went to my room and my parents went to the boy's house. With his parents in the room, my mom told them what she saw, and the boy denied it. His parents supported him, his father even saying to my mom that the fact that I had not come was proof enough for him that it didn't happen.

What was worse was that the boy's older brother was also there, with another neighbor boy who was a year older than me. He was the older brother of some of the girls who had been hanging in the street causing the problem in the first place. For the next several weeks at school, these older boys spread rumors about me at school, that I liked it when boys grabbed my breasts and other cruel things. I was the victim, but I was the one who was taunted by my classmates.

I said nothing. I did nothing. I didn't defend myself. I didn't counter anything that was said. I was silent.

After weeks of this, I was feeling intense despair about going to school. I wanted to home-school but my parents wouldn't let me. They wanted me to be strong, to stand up for myself, and they were afraid that if I left school, I would be running away and that would only serve to further injure my self esteem.

One day, while riding the school bus home, one of the older neighbor boys who had started all the teasing in the first place, began making insulting comments about me on the bus. I felt deflated, I looked down at my books and wanted to disappear, and wondered what I could do or what could finally make it stop. To my surprise, a popular boy who was always kind to me intervened. He delivered a sharp insult to the older boy, who was twice his size, but nowhere near as popular, and I watched as the mob of insults and teasing turned its attention away from me and onto the mean boy who had started it all. I couldn't have done it because I had deprived myself of permission to defend myself if that defense seemed mean or cruel in any way.

I know what it feels like to be a victim. I know what it feels like to be mean, to inflict pain, even if it has been intended for my own self-defense. I am not the kind of person to hurt someone else for my own gain or personal interest. But I have injured other people's feelings when I have tried to defend myself. I have hurt others’ feelings when I didn't mean to, or when I didn't know any other way to fight back. I don't consider that weak, but I do consider it outside my principles. I try to adhere to my own code of honor when it comes to dealing with people, but I do realize that when I am dealing with a destructive person, who does not have the same code of honor, who will lie, cheat, deceive and manipulate to cause harm, I have not always been successful in turning the other cheek, or in refraining from using my own power to put that person in a place where he or she cannot have power over me or wield that power to commit harm or evil or destruction upon my family. I am not going to apologize for that. I don't believe I should have to. I have the right to protect myself and to protect my family.

I'm not 16 anymore. I learned a lesson that day. I know how mobs work and how dangerous and malevolent they can be. And as a result, I am cautious. I make careful decisions. I don't rush to judgment. I don't give a lot of weight to rumors or gossip. I weigh out my actions and act decisively. Some of you may feel that that is too slow, but I have been a victim of mob derision and cruelty, and of lying destructive people at different times in my life, to know the ignorance that controlled and drove it.

Last week, Warren Jeffs was found guilty of child sexual assault. I have never made any secret about my utter disdain for sex abuse of children. The statement released shortly before the verdict by the Principle Rights Coalition sums up my feelings perfectly about child abuse. I have never heard of or seen anything so disgusting or sickening as the evidence released in this trial. I don’t know what it is that creates a sexual predator. Where do all of these sexual predators come from? There seems to be an endless stream of them: Philip Garrido, Brian David Mitchell, and the bottomless pit of perverts caught on camera on shows like Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator”, people from all different backgrounds, communities and positions of trust.

Regrettably, I am afraid there is reason to take pause (as this Salt Lake Tribune editorial says) at the way the evidence was collected in the 2008 YFZ ranch raid. Evidence obtained in the Escalade when Jeffs was arrested may be safe, but how do we know that yet another higher court will not throw yet another Jeffs conviction out? How hard is it for the state to just do its job legally and honestly, and convict people in a way that provides justice to all involved? If a conviction is overturned on a technicality, is that justice for anyone? It certainly isn't justice for the victim, and it isn't accountability for the perpetrator, if the perpetrator is guilty. If the state bends the law to convict, how can we be confident that we have justly convicted a guilty party and not an innocent one? As I mentioned before, unfortunately there are those who have been wrongly convicted and suffered years of imprisonment before they are vindicated.

Also, I continue to be dismayed at the ongoing mess that has been made in connection with the UEP trust. I remain unconvinced that the state had the right to take the trust and reorganize what was religious into a secular document. I believe that was un-Constitutional. It has nothing to do with sex abuse. It has to do with abuse of power, and abuse of power is wrong whether it is committed by the hand of an individual, or by the long arm of the state.

Book Reviews: "Nineteen Minutes", "Perfect Match", by author Jodi Picoult -

2011-08-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered author Jodi Picoult, and I'm blown away. She is not only a talented writer, but an intuitive and brilliant story teller. She brings a genuine and deeply touching authenticity and human frailty to the characters in her novels. She is not afraid to give her characters serious flaws, even when they are the heroes of her stories, or allow her villains to have redeeming qualities, however irredeemable those characters may be.

I just finished Nineteen Minutes, about a school shooting that left 10 high-school students dead, many injured (some severely), and a community in pieces. It is not an easy read. It took me several weeks to finish it because it was so emotional for me, I had to put it down for days at a time before I could pick it back up. I was particularly surprised and impressed by her willingness to slide in and out of the different characters to share their perspectives and experiences, including the heartbreak of not only the victims and their families, but of the shooter and his family. This allowed the reader to see complex characters with complex lives, and the honest, sometimes brutal reality that there's no easy fix to some very big problems in our society, from bullying to racism to fanaticism to domestic violence to child abuse, etc. It would be so simple to say, this is what causes someone to go bad, to become a murderer, to become a serial killer or a rapist or a terrorist, but can we really predict?

I would give Ninteen Minutes 5 stars out of 5 for masterful story-telling, but ultimately I am giving it a 4 for the fact that it was just plain emotionally difficult! It is difficult to recommend because it is truly emotionally exhausting reading. It left me sad and drained. Still, I do recommend it. It was well done and insightful.

Nineteen Minutes - 4 stars out of 5

***

The other Picoult novel I read before this one was Perfect Match. Here is the synopsis from Jodi's website: "What happens when you do all the right things for all the wrong reasons? As an assistant district attorney in York County, Maine, Nina Frost prosecutes the sort of crimes that tear families apart. She helps clients navigate their way through a nightmare – even though the legal system is not always the faultless compass they want and need it to be. She learns that the easiest way to cross this devastating minefield time and time again is to offer compassion, battle fiercely for justice, and keep her emotional distance.

But when Nina and her husband Caleb discover that their five-year-old son Nathaniel has been sexually abused, that distance is impossible to maintain. The world Nina inhabits now seems different from the one she lived in yesterday; the lines between family and professional life are erased; and answers to questions she thought she knew are no longer easy to find. Overcome by anger and desperate for vengeance, Nina ignites a battle that may cause her to lose the very thing she's fighting for."

I certainly do not want to spoil the twists and surprises in this novel, but I do want to say that this story dramatically and poignantly reveals the horror of vengeance gone wrong.

Again, this was difficult subject matter for me, the sexual abuse of a young child by a person of trust.

Interestingly, I had started reading Nineteen Minutes first and put it down, then read Perfect Match. Perfect Match was so good I became determined to read Nineteen Minutes, plus the ending was satisfying as well. I can honestly say that it didn't leave me as sad as Nineteen Minutes. It just was not as hopeful and couldn't be. How do you ever make right a senseless and evil act of mass murder? How do you move forward and heal and start over and not have it be part of you for the rest of your life?

Perfect Match - 5 stars of 5

******

On top of the joy of discovering yet another author to love, I am delighted to see that Picoult has written a lot of books! I love favorite authors, and I love prolific favorite authors even more!

Principle Rights Coalition Statement Against Child Abuse (August 4)

2011-08-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

Principle Voices released a statement from the Principle Rights Coalition (a coalition of a number of Fundamentalist Mormon communities and independents) at 1:55 pm, August 4, 2011, denouncing child abuse (and child sexual abuse/assault).

The statement is available online at the Principle Voices website here, along with an additional statement from the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB).

What's Next after Marriage Equality, Polygamy? Yes

2011-07-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

I have consistently said that I believe Lawrence v. Texas protects the right to privacy of consenting adult polygamists against "cohabitational" bigamy. For those of you who are new to my blog, "cohabitational bigamy" is my reference to Utah's bigamy statute that defines bigamy as a married person who "cohabits with another person". If you cohabit with more than one partner and even though you are not legally married to both partners, you can be charged with bigamy in the state of Utah. That is a joke and is overreaching on the part of the state into the homes and bedrooms, of consenting adults. This right to privacy legal argument stems from Griswold v. Connecticut, which is a court decision that basically says that doctors cannot be required to provide birth control only to married women. In the case of consenting adults who desire to have more than one life partner in their family, and they are not seeking multiple marriage licenses or marital recognition from the state for those partners, the state has no business regulating their relationships.

The case by the 'Sister Wives' Brown family addresses this privacy element better than any I've seen so far.

Below find an the beginning of an interesting article by Dr. Jillian T. Weiss. Here are some excerpts, follow the link for the whole article. Dr. Weiss addresses one of the key legal elements of Lawrence v. Texas, whether or not the right to privacy of consenting adults can be curtailed by the state's interest to legislate morality.

After Marriage Equality, What's Next, Polygamy? Yes.
Filed By Dr. Jillian T. Weiss | July 12, 2011 12:00 PM
Category: Politics
Tags: Kody Brown, polygamy, Sister Wives, Utah

According to a New York Times article today, Kody Brown, star of the reality TV show "Sister Wives," is heading to court to challenge the Utah law against polygamy. He has four wives and 16 children and stepchildren.

According to the Times, "[l]aw enforcement officials in the Browns' home state, Utah, announced soon after the show began that the family was under investigation for violating the state law prohibiting polygamy." The Browns are expected to file suit tomorrow.

To be clear, the Times noted that "Mr. Brown has a civil marriage with only one of his wives; the rest are 'sister wives,' not formally wedded."

I think Mr. Brown has as much of a right to his relationships, as do his wives, as same-sex couples, or people who have multiple sex partners. Since when is it a crime to live together with your sex partners? Well, it is in Utah.

For the rest of this article, click here.

Principle Voices Statement re Brown Court Case

2011-07-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

Principle Voices released a statement in response to news of the 'Sister Wives' Kody Brown court filing. It can be found on the Principle Voices website, but here it is below:

Principle Voices Statement re Brown Court Case

July 12, 2011

Principle Voices is pleased to learn of Kody Brown’s decision to file a challenge to Utah’s bigamy statute.

We applaud the Browns’ for their courage in making their lifestyle public, and for standing up in behalf of the thousands of plural families who have endured disfavorable treatment. The Browns are consenting adults and have created a wonderful family. Sadly, they have already suffered harm as a result of their openness. They have faced the threat of felony prosecution. They have experienced the loss of jobs. We admire their willingness to seek the decriminalization of their family arrangement, despite the risk of greater scrutiny.

We are ready to offer them our full support. We are grateful to Professor Jonathan Turley for his commitment to the Brown family and to all those whose civil rights have been compromised. No Utahns should be relegated to second-class citizenship because of their private relationships. We anxiously await a ruling in this case which will confirm the right of all adult Americans to organize their families as they choose.

Anne Wilde, Mary Batchelor
PRINCIPLE VOICES
principlevoices.org
Principle Voices blog coming soon

Jonathan Turley's Comments re 'Sister Wife' Federal Court Filing

2011-07-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

Jonathan Turley will be filing a federal court challenge against Utah's polygamy ban Wednesday.

As a libertarian myself, Turley's position on polygamy among consenting adults resonates with me. As quoted in today's Deseret News:

"Turley, a constitutional law expert, said the legal action seeks to protect one of the nation's defining principles, what Justice Louis Brandeis called 'the right to be left alone.'

'In that sense, it is a challenge designed to benefit not just polygamists but all citizens who wish to live their lives according to their own values, even if those values run counter to those of the majority in the state,' he said."

He said that this case is not so much about polygamy, but the right to privacy. I agree. If multiple parties who are consenting adults choose to live together and create a family together, they should be left alone by the often too-intrusive arm of the state.

The point here is that the Browns are not asking for the right to legally marry multiple parties. They are simply asking to be permitted to love whom they will, cohabit with whom they wish, and arrange their family as they see fit according to their personal and religious values.

Check out Turley's blog for additional statements on the Browns.

'Sister Wives' Husband, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law

2011-07-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some excerpts of the New York Times article announcing that Kody Brown, the husband of TLC's 'Sister Wives' reality show, will be filing a federal lawsuit on Wednesday, July 13th, challenging Utah's law's prohibiting polygamy.

Polygamist, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law
By JOHN SCHWARTZ
Published: July 11, 2011

Kody Brown is a proud polygamist, and a relatively famous one. Now Mr. Brown, his four wives and 16 children and stepchildren are going to court to keep from being punished for it.

The family is the focus of a reality TV show, “Sister Wives,” that first appeared in 2010. Law enforcement officials in the Browns’ home state, Utah, announced soon after the show began that the family was under investigation for violating the state law prohibiting polygamy.

On Wednesday, the Browns are expected to file a lawsuit to challenge the polygamy law.

The lawsuit is not demanding that states recognize polygamous marriage. Instead, the lawsuit builds on a 2003 United States Supreme Court decision, Lawrence v. Texas, which struck down state sodomy laws as unconstitutional intrusions on the “intimate conduct” of consenting adults. It will ask the federal courts to tell states that they cannot punish polygamists for their own “intimate conduct” so long as they are not breaking other laws, like those regarding child abuse, incest or seeking multiple marriage licenses.

Mr. Brown has a civil marriage with only one of his wives; the rest are “sister wives,” not formally wedded. The Browns are members of the Apostolic United Brethren Church, a fundamentalist offshoot of the Mormon Church, which gave up polygamy around 1890 as Utah was seeking statehood.

Making polygamous unions illegal, they argue, violates the due process and equal protection clauses of the 14th Amendment, as well as the free exercise, establishment, free speech and freedom of association clauses of the First Amendment.

“We only wish to live our private lives according to our beliefs,” Mr. Brown said in a statement provided by his lead attorney, Jonathan Turley, who is a law professor at George Washington University.

A version of this article appeared in print on July 12, 2011, on page A10 of the New York edition with the headline: Polygamist, Under Scrutiny in Utah, Plans Suit to Challenge Law.

At War with My Diet

2011-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

I gave up soda pop last Monday on the 4th of July. I just decided that I'd had enough - I've had zero interest in my diet and exercise routine of late which means I haven't had much of a routine at all, and not much success when I was doing it, so I decided to make a shift.

I discovered Chris Powell by accident flipping channels about two weeks ago and was astonished by the way he helped a woman who was very overweight lose a lot of weight and change her life. He moved in with her for three months and worked with her on both her diet and her exercise routine and it was amazing. He has apparently done this with several people, but the most amazing story was the one detailed on his website, which apparently was his first extreme weight loss success. You can read about it here.

On his website, he has a short list of some quick things you can do to start on the course of weight loss. Obviously it is harder to lose weight the less weight you need to lose, but it is inspiring to see him coach people through their obstacles and bring them to a place where they can envision see success, and envision themselves at the finish line of achievement.

Not only that, he is very positive and uplifting. It was nice for me, and just what I needed, to read his positive affirmations. Even my 20 minutes a day is something more than what I was doing, and that is something in the right direction!

As a result of perusing his website and following him on twitter, I am now working out almost every day, even in the evening so long as I get the time in, and I dropped soda pop altogether from my diet. I have been a long-time fan of Coke, but switched to Diet Coke and ultimately to Coke Zero about two years ago. I LOVE it. It is absolutely one of my favorite things to have at my fingertips, at my desk when I'm working, or in the car when I'm driving, or on my nightstand when I'm relaxing.

Temporarily, I've switched to drinking water with crystal light lemonade in it. That has upped my water intake from about 20 ounces of water per day (shame!!) to about 70 ounces of water per day, a huge jump. I drink it all day long and there have been some interesting results already.

First, I was severely depressed and suffered headaches for three days solid. My mood was already really low when the Casey Anthony verdict came in and I just walked around with my eyes full of tears for a solid two days. The verdict hit me hard but I was already pretty depressed and probably some of it was chemical.

Now I don't crave it at all. I'm happy to grab my bottle of water and run, and have no guilt! Also, I'm getting my workout in, too, which is wonderful. I'm not weighing myself at all yet. I don't want to get all obsessive about the scale. The important thing to me is shifting my habits and thoughts to positive thinking and healthier activities and foods.

Of course, a few days ago my husband told me his concerns about aspartame. Obviously that was a concern with the diet soda in the first place (artificial sweeteners), but I said the Crystal Light is a temporary move to get me drinking water and letting go of soda pop.

I had an interesting experience Saturday night while visiting my parents. My six-year-old brought a rootbeer over to me to open and the first sight of it cause my stomach to lurch and a delighted feeling to rise up inside me. I was surprised at that response because I haven't even craved any soda since the third day. But as soon as I reminded myself that I wasn't drinking that anymore, the feeling left and I was fine. No craving, no desire, no sadness at saying no.

Of course, it wasn't a coke.

Anyhow, I've rearranged my links on the side of my site, and added Chris Powell's website to my list of Faves. I've dropped links that are dead and will be continuing to remodel my blog over the next week or so. I am shifting a lot of the polygamy stuff over to a new blog and recreating this one with a broader focus on things that interest me.

Jonathan Turley's Response to Casey Anthony Verdict

2011-07-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have immense respect for Jonathan Turley. So, since I have commented rather harshly on the Anthony acquittal, I think it only fair to post Turley's comments which support the jury's decision. I happen to agree with Turley in many ways and I understand the point he is making. I do not believe the jurors should be hated. They did what they were supposed to do. If they had doubts as to the evidence they were presented, they had a responsibility to acquit. I respect that. I don't agree with it; I think a guilty woman walked away free with that verdict and will not be held accountable, but it was not my decision to make.

And we definitely feel the same way about Nancy Grace - I shudder to think of her either as a prosecutor or as a jury member!!!

Sign Caylee's Petition

2011-07-07T20:22:00.001-07:00

Hey Friends,

I just signed the petition "Create Caylee's Law" and wanted to give you all a chance to add your names and help this cause.

Our goal is to reach 750,000 signatures and we need more support. You can read more and sign the petition here:

Create Caylee's Law Petition

Thanks!
Mary

Casey Anthony Juror #3: "We did not say Casey Anthony is Innocent."

2011-07-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

"I dreamed I was pregnant...it was like having Cays all over again. I've even thought about adopting...There are so many children that deserve to be loved." ~ Casey Anthony, excerpts from jail letters

Here's a question: What innocent person would make an accidental death LOOK like a murder? How is it that anyone believes that laughable claim???

Apparently Juror #3 is now saying, "I did not say Casey Anthony is innocent." She said "I just said there was not enough evidence...We were sick to our stomachs and crying after voting to acquit Casey Anthony."

Well, good, I hope they do feel sick, and I hope they did cry. I've been sick over the verdict, and yes, I've cried for that poor little child. It's deeply unsettling and horrific what happened to this little girl, and by the very person who should have protected and loved her. So now juror #3 says they felt sick and cried, except now we're hearing news of jurors negotiating media deals for appearances and interviews.

Equally disgusting is the defense team's gloating following the verdict, the arrogant jerk defense attorney who flipped off the media. No somber, sober reaction to the verdict, knowing that a small child is dead and her body was tossed out in a swamp like garbage. !!!!! There can be no celebrating here, no reveling here.

In the meantime, excerpts have been released of Casey's phone calls and letters where she talks about her desire to have more children, and possibly "adopt a child from Ireland."

By the way, my husband happens to disagree with me. He was not convinced the prosecution proved its case. In fact, he predicted a not guilty verdict early Sunday after listening to most of the closing statements, and what can I say, he was right. He was persuaded by the defense arguments that there was, indeed, a reasonable doubt that would keep Casey Anthony from being convicted. I have friends in law enforcement who feel the same way. As for me, I remain convinced of her guilt, and believe the case was convincing, and convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.

This morning an alternate juror spoke and said that he would have voted to acquit. He also did not feel that the prosecution proved its case. However, he did say that he actually thought it was a "horrible" accident that got blown out of proportion. Where in the world was the evidence for that??? That was just the fantasy story the defense threw up to create reasonable doubt.

One final thought: Notice that the juror #3 quoted above did not say the jury thought Casey Anthony was innocent. In fact, she said they were sick to their stomachs and crying. If that's true, then they must have felt she was guilty. Indeed, my husband believes she is guilty; my law enforcement friends believe she is guilty.

Well, in that we agree.

To Caylee, God Bless, Little One - Rest in Peace

Complete and Utter Miscarriage of Justice: Casey Anthony Not Guilty

2011-07-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

Casey Anthony is Guilty. There is no doubt in MY mind that she murdered her sweet little daughter. I believe the evidence: chloroform was found in the trunk of her car; her car smelled of human decay. She had searched chloroform on the internet 80+ times. What does "reasonable doubt" mean in the minds of the Casey Anthony jury members? Does it mean "smoking gun"?

One of the jurors during jury selection said that she didn't like to "judge people", especially when people are saying "bad things" about them. Wow. That should have been an automatic strike. Incapable to leveling a penalty.

The most damning evidence for me was Casey Anthony's own behavior, her lies to cover up her daughter's absence, her partying during a period of time when any loving mother would have been beside herself with fright and terror to find her daughter, her disgusting tattoo: "Bella Vita" (the good life) that she received while her daughter was missing. How could any loving mother do these things if she genuinely thought her daughter was missing, and CARED at all about her?

At the very minimum, Casey should have been convicted of one of the lesser charges, even child abuse. She alone held culpability for the care and welfare of her daughter.

How can a mother do the things that Casey did and there not be any way to hold her accountable for the DEATH of her daughter???

Some of the news people are saying the prosecution overcharged, that they should have charged her with negligent child abuse homicide and focused their case on that. I for one would have been satisfied with that.

It is hard to understand how a mother could kill her own child, how Casey could have constructed such a narcissistic, self-absorbed world in her own mind that she could dispose of her little daughter and run out and get a tattoo declaring to the world that she is living the "good life". It is equally hard to understand how a jury could overlook all of that and give her a slap on the wrist.

That woman is guilty and regardless of the verdict, she is still guilty. Even though she was not convicted in a court of law, she is culpable for her daughter's death.